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Workload & Sex

86 women and 188 men have answered
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  • 69% percent of women and 19% of men work 40 hours a week or less earning income.
  • 12% of women and 34% of men work 50 hours or more a week.

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  • The division of childcare is fairly even at most levels with the exception of “more than 50 hours” which was chosen by a third of women and only 1% of men.
  • The more than 50 hours answer was most common for women ages 35-44.
  • House and yard care was also fairly even on most levels., but 40-50 hours a week was chosen by 69% of men and only 31% of women. One to five hours was also disproportionate, chosen by 61% of men and 26% of women.

© surveymonkey.com

  • Men and women gave fairly close answers here.
  • 6% of women and 5% of men are in low/no sex marriages.
  • 44% of women and 46% of men have sex one a week or less.
  • Two to three times a week is the top answer, at 31% of women and 39% of men.
  • 18% of women and 11% of men report sex more than three times a week.

How time use affects sexual frequency

The following chart does not include those who said they did no childcare – likely all people who don’t have children at home.

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  • The lighter pink and blue represent women and men who say they have sex for or more times a week.
  • When childcare for either spouse is over 40 hours sex this often is very rare.

© surveymonkey.com

  • The lighter pink and blue represent women and men who say they have sex for or more times a week.
  • No strong patterns here.

Conclusion: Low number of respondents and poor break points on my part resulted in no significant findings. We may do a better done in the fall when we will get more to answer.

Women’s Comments:

  • Sometimes sex is more some weeks less. Just depends how I am feeling due to health issues. If it were up to my husband it would be twice a day.
  • We might have sex once a month. My husband works about 11 hours a day. He is never in the mood. I raise 4 kids (one is a baby), and though I’m more frequently wanting sex, he isn’t. So we have sex roughly 12-15 time a year. I hate it.
  • Should be a month because some weeks it’s only once, other weeks it’s more often.
  • Our lack of sex us more because of his workload and it’s been so long I’ve lost interest.
  • We have a special needs teenager, a college student who lives at home, and I work 50 hours a week outside the home. Sex happens nearly every day. It’s a priority.
  • We both work from home, one 11 year old child, sitting right at about less than once a month and declining because of his lust issues/porn addiction. :/ Sad. And to be clear: I would LOVE 2× a week at least!
  • In a sex less marriage not by my choice.
  • We only have my stepson on weekends, so we try to make the most of the time then. I cut way, way back on my hours at work after I got engaged; when I was single, I routinely worked 90 hours. I want to be supportive of my husband, but his work has become an issue for me. He’s always on; he’ll walk out on me in the middle of a sentence to check email. Between that and drinking (a whole ‘nother issue), we spend maybe 15 minutes together a day. I’m not counting things like getting ready in the morning or when we’re both working from home.
  • I’m sure my husband won’t take this survey, because he doesn’t read blogs. However, HIS work has a HUGE impact on our sex life. He goes to work very early and works anywhere from 55 to 70 hours a week, depending on the week. So he’s usually too tired for sex. Throw in some stress, and the sex drops even more. Being so unwanted – or at least unimportant – makes me feel pretty lousy about myself, especially when I read how much normal men want sex. I try to relate it to his work schedule, but it still makes me feel pretty ugly and not worth his time.
  • It may seem like it, but there is no correlation. Ours is entirely due to relationship problems. However, it is true that lack of time is a contributing factor. We have no one to watch our children. We have very little time together. That being said, we do not take advantage of the time that we have together because it usually results in a fight.
  • Even though I don’t work and just take care of the house and animals, it has never hindered my sex drive. I’m fairly certain my husband’s work week keeps him tired enough that it hinders his drive.
  • Since I’ve started some insanely crazy hours, our frequency has gone down to 4-5 times a week. I would love for us to back to daily sex. Maybe because we are finally empty nesters, this might happen. I’m looking forward to this chapter in our lives.
  • Unfortunately I’m recovering from a serious health issue right now so our life revolves around that.
  • I’m a housewife (which I guess sounds rather outdated, LOL) and my children are 24 and 21 so I no longer have young children to take care of. My youngest son lives with my husband and I. This is a second marriage for my husband and I, and it’s my husband’s work hours which affect the frequency of sex in our marriage. He is a truck driver and works on average 12 hours a day, five days a week…and sometimes it’s closer to 16 and he may not be home every single night. So our sex life is basically reduced to Saturday mornings because that’s what he prefers, although I prefer to make love in the evening or afternoon, but with my son living with us that also limits when sex will happen and if he’s home most of the weekend that doesn’t help. On average, I prefer at least 3 times weekly, while my husband who is so exhausted from work and deals with ED related to age and meds, seems content with once a week. So no complaints from him on our frequency, but it leaves me frustrated a great deal of the time.
  • Average once every two weeks.
  • I babysit in my home 50+ hours a week. We also have three children, ages 10, 7, and 5. I do most of caring for our children. I do 90% of the housework. I am tired. I know we are not together as much as we want to be and it does take a toll on our marriage. We are both starting new jobs in the next 3 months, which will be less hours for me and less stress for him. I’m excited about spending more time together.
  • Question #6 — We have no children at this point.
  • Guess question 8 depends on your definition of “sex.” It’s not always intercourse, though that is frequent. But even if not actual intercourse, we usually do something sexual with each other most days.

Men’s Comments:

  • My wife is generally the conservative type.. Sex is more of an obligation. … It takes a lot to get her in the mood!
  • Would love to be more intimate bit my wife just interested me.
  • Kids are grown and married. We have a HOA for the yard. We have a housekeeper once a month so cleaning is minimal.
  • My wife has the higher sex drive.
  • No children because no sex. I work more hours than I need to because at least at work, I feel valued. At home, I am lonely and depressed because of our sexless marriage. At work, I can forget about it for a while. Work is a place where I know what I have to do to be successful. I do my work well and am rewarded with extra overtime hours. At home the rules change daily and success is a moving target. Nothing I try ever results in intimacy so I gave up trying.
  • Missing from these hours is time spent in church/ministry activities. Adds another 5-15 hours, depending on the week.
  • The children have all left the nest. No more care needed.
  • Wife has chronic pain and illness condition. I have additional work around the house to maintain as she keeps herself busy with personal craft projects. She tends to put off “opportunities” until the end of day, when she will rarely feel capable to nurture our relationship. Her tablet device gets much more attention than I do. It’s just sad how she keeps herself busy on things that really should not matter. Denial is not just a river in Egypt.
  • Sex life has most certainly decreased with a kid in the house.
  • Sexless marriage, as in a couple of times per year.
  • I added a 1-5 hour caring for children even though we don’t have kids, but we spend at least half an hour every night walking the dog and often longer.
  • We have a great sex life. Thanks to a caring elder pastor and his council a few days before marriage that started us on the right path. Yes the work week is long and a lot of late night and too tired but we make time because we know it is important to us both. We don’t wait till going to bed or it would not happen. You can be creative and find time even with teenaged children in the house.
  • My wife and I have just started scheduling sex. (Oral, hand job, PIV, snuggling, kissing, hugging) all count as sex. So far, so good. The guarantee part really helps.
  • I would have gone with 1 or 2 times. More than 1 on average but not 2.
  • Stress from work and life certainly make it hard to wind down and have focus and time for sex, esp anything more than quickies.
  • No kids yet.
  • Kids are grown and married so minimal time is needed. We have an HOA so lawn is taken care of. We have a housekeeper so cleaning is minimal.
  • I work A LOT, more then I would like to. I work from 7am till 3:30pm and come home and work on my dad’s ranch till 10pm or later some nights. The only time I get to see my sons is when I get home from work for a half an hour. I wish I could spend more time with them and my wife. I try to make Sundays be a day of rest. We go to church in the morning and in the afternoon we spend time together. Luckily my job is only seasonal and I get laid off every November. So I get five months when things are slower and i get to spend a lot more time with my family. I hope some day I can stay home and ranch and be able to spend more time with my family.
  • We are not as busy with work and caring for children and aging parents as we once were. It has helped our frequency significantly. Plus, we get to have sex in morning or during the day more often now which is always better than at bedtime.
  • Workload definitely affects my drive.
  • My wife & I work together in an established family business (I’m 4th generation). Adds a whole other level of relationship complexity. If I have a bad day, usually she does too because of my attitudes/reactions, & vice versa. Work permeates into all aspects of our lives including sex life. Makes it harder to find balance I think.
  • Needed a 1-2 option on Question 8.
  • It is really 1 or 2 times, but that option isn’t available.
  • Mostly her doing handjob or blowjob on me. More ‘elaborate’ sex happens only once a week or less.
  • We used to have sex more, like 3-4 times per week, but in the last few years she has avoided it, played games on the iPad instead. I’m being replaced. She sees nothing wrong with this.
  • I’d be fine daily but she gatekeeps
  • I think interpretation of this survey should be done carefully. Please avoid the “correlation is not causation” trap. Busyness and sexual frequency MAY be correlated. That does NOT mean being busy CAUSES a change in frequency. For instance, my low frequency of sex with my wife (less than weekly) is owing to her physical condition (her part) and fear of rejection (my part). We used to be more frequent when her condition was better and I was just as busy then. You can say that busyness correlates to other issues that result in changes in frequency, but there again statistically you’re really saying something other than busyness = less sex. Interpretation of a correlation can get REALLY complicated.
  • We are doing the daily method and twice on weekends I really love making love to my wife.
  • Older kids who need less constant supervision.
  • We’re both exhausted most of the time. Would have more sex if we were rested.
  • The sex goes up when the kid is gone! Biggest impact to time with wife and sex is the kid!
  • Our kids are adolescent and at college or married so we have a considerable amount of time to spend together which allows meaningful conversation and “playtime”! 😉





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