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Survey Says …

sex survey © Sue Harper | Dreamstime.com

Who doesn’t enjoy a survey about sex? These surveys are not representative of the population as a whole, or even of Christians as a whole; however, some of the results are instructive. The surveys were originally posted on facebook with links in from Twitter. The audience taking these surveys are primarily Christian, married, and “sex positive”. The surveys are all still active, and we will update results from time to time.
Note: This page shows our most recent surveys. Older surveys here.

Anal Sex: Sin, okay, unhealthy, or what?

300 Women and 595 men have answered

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A note on gender and age: In the 20-29 age range a slight majority of those answering were female (53% to 47%) while men outnumbered women from 2 to 1 to as high as 4 to 1 in the other age ranges. This resulted in some answer differences in the 20’s which were more about gender than age.

Are you opposed to anal sex for any of the following reasons? (Check all that apply)

Are you Opposed? Female Male
No, not opposed. 37% 69%
I think it is sin/immoral. 12% 5%
I think it is unhealthy/harmful. 42% 25%
I think it’s gross. 42% 17%
I think it is disrespectful/unloving. 21% 11%
It hurts. 30% 7%

Women in the 20-29 age range were most likely to find anal sex gross, with 60% giving this answer. The same group was very likely to see anal sex as unhealthy or harmful at 53%.

Acceptance (not opposed) based on age and gender:

Gender 20-29 40-49 40-49 50-59 60 or better
Male 58% 71% 76% 67% 39%
Female 25% 41% 40% 50% 72%

The lowest acceptance for women was for those in their 20’s. Acceptance rose with age for women, to a high in the 60’s. Low numbers of women over 50 answering mean this may be skewed. For men acceptance of anal sex was lower for those over 60, but was second lowest for those in their 20’s.

How often is anal sex a part of your sex life?

Frequency Female Male
Never 60% 72%
1-3 times a year 20% 17%
5-10 times a year 8% 5%
about once a month 6% 3%
2-3 times a month 3% 2%
4-5 times a month 2% 0.5%
more than once a week 1% 0.7%

Contrary to what was expected, those in their 20’s were very unlikely to have anal sex. A full 75% said it was never a part of their sex life. Only those over 60 were less likely to have anal sex, with 801% saying it was never a part. This was true for both men and women. Twenty somethings who did have anal sex did it less often than those between 30 and 59.

Have you ever tried heterosexual anal intercourse?

Have you? Female Male
No 39% 53%
Yes, but not with my spouse 10% 8%
Yes, only with my spouse 43% 32%
Yes, with my spouse and someone else 9% 7%

61% of women, but only 47% of men have tried anal sex. This discrepancy is likely due to the fact that those who answer a survey like this tend to be more sexually open than those who do not.

Of those women who have tried it, how many have had trouble?

Tried it never got him all the way in. 15%
Done it once, it hurt too much. 14%
Done it 1-3 times, it always hurts. 16%
Done it 4-6 times, it always hurts. 7%
Done it more than 6 times, times, it always hurts. 11%
Did not hurt (much or at all) from the first time. 14%
Did not hurt (much or at all) after the 2nd or 3rd time. 14%
Did not hurt (much or at all) after the 4th or 5th time. 9%

18% have never been able to do anal without pain, despite multiple attempts. Regardless of why this is so, it shows that some women (1 in 6) cannot have anal sex without pain.

Of those who have tried it, has anal sex ever been pleasurable?

No 33%
Mildly, on occasion. 16%
Mildly some or all the time. 4%
Very much so on occasion. 15%
Very much so some or all the time. 14%
I orgasm from anal alone occasionally. 6%
I orgasm from anal alone regularly. 3%
I orgasm from anal plus clitoral stimulation occasionally. 14%
I orgasm from anal plus clitoral stimulation regularly. 16%

One third of those who have tried it never get any pleasure out of it. More than half the women who never have had pleasure can do it without pain, and some who experience pleasure on occasion also still experience pain every time.

Of the men who have done it, how much do they enjoy it?

No, did not enjoy it. 5%
It was/is okay. 21%
It was/is good. 36%
It was/is great. 40%
My favourite sex act 5%

From the comments:

A couple of women and one man said she is the one who asks for it.

A couple of women and men said they don’t do it because of his size. This is likely a factor in what some women have experienced. In this case, smaller, especially girth, would probably be better.

A couple of women have given in on occasion because of their husband’s regular requests, and one was forced by her ex.

What colour lingerie do men prefer?

268 men have answered

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panty-colour
Comments:
  • Several indicated naked is their choice, and a couple said they don’t care.
  • Color doesn’t matter as much as the fact that she’s wearing lingerie.
  • If she’d just wear anything that was meant to turn me on I wouldn’t give a rip about the color.

Ladies, what does your husband do that makes sex really great for you?

77 Women responding

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The answers are roughly grouped here by the number of women who gave each answer.

11 Going slow – Not moving to breasts and genitals too fast. (Some wanted it all slow, others wanted to start slow and get aggressive)
10 Oral sex (Two specifically mentioned sucking of the clitoris)
8 Kissing
8 Makes sure I climax first (as often as I want)
7 Shows he desires me (as opposed to just wants sex)
7 An intimate connection outside the bedroom
6 Talking during sex (feedback, loving words, narrative of what he is doing or is going to do)
6 Sensitive to my moods and desires (knowing when to go slow, when to be aggressive, etc.)
6 Tells me how much he likes my body (several said they have body issues, but he convinces them he loves their body)
6 He is clearly all about my pleasure/Selfless
5 Multiple orgasms
4 Manual stimulation of genitals
4 Expressing his love
4 He is tender and loving
3 Kiss behind ears or back of neck
3 Variety – especially during foreplay
3 Not making me feel rushed
2 Nipple Stimulation
2 Anal stimulation (manual)
2 Initiating sex
1 Stop start during intercourse
1 Let me take control
1 Stimulation of lips (face) by hand
1 Making sure I orgasm after intercourse
1 What he does outside the bedroom (helping around the house)
1 Orgasm by stimulating clitoris and g-spot at the same time
1 How he smells
1 Makes sure I climax even if he does not

What wives do to make sex great

217 men have answered

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First and foremost, men want their wives to be actively involved in and enjoying sex. Half a dozen men said something to the effect of “Sex is best for me when it is great for her.” In addition to the one in four men who specifically said something about her being “involved, enthusiastic, passionate, active participation, or enjoying herself” nearly as many hinted at the same thing without saying it outright.

Receiving oral sex was mentioned by 22% of the men. A couple wanted it as foreplay, most wanted it to orgasm. Three specified 69, one deep throat. Only three (1.3%) mentioned swallowing.

The wife initiating sex on occasion was specifically mentioned by 16% of the men, and hinted at by even more.

Lingerie or some other special clothing was mentioned by 8% of the men. Several mentioned an outfit or type of clothing that signalled a desire for sex, or signalled they were going to have sex.

Replies, in order of how many men listed them:

84 Showing she wants me sexually
47 Give me oral
35 Initiate
18 Lingerie or other specific clothing
14 Vocal about her pleasure
11 Teasing: Sex play/flirting/sex talk/texts during the day
10 Aggressive during sex
10 Slow down, make it last
10 Let go/Be uninhibited
9 Receives oral (most indicated to climax)
9 TALKING: Dirty or graphic, talk about what she is feeling, telling me what she is doing or what she is going to do
9 Committed to my pleasure
8 Touch non-sexual parts of the body during sex
8 Her on top
8 Manual stimulation of penis
7 Playing with my testicles
7 Variety of positions, or a special one
6 Communicate what she wants during sex
6 Undressing while I watch/Striptease
6 Saying yes
5 Admire my penis
5 Play with herself – nipples and/or genitals
4 Hand job to climax
4 Have multiple orgasms
4 Planning for sex/setting scene
4 Sex just for me (Gift sex)
4 Edging (taking him to the brink repeatedly before orgasm)
4 Kissing
4 Let me bring her to orgasm
4 Eye contact during oral
3 Play with my nipples
3 Great relationship outside of sex
3 Rub breasts on me
3 Back massage
3 Swallowing
3 Bring herself to orgasm while with me
3 Walk in naked
3 Sexually adventurous
3 Lights on
3 Sex in rooms other than the bedroom
2 Play Bliss (a game)
2 Frequent sex
2 Moving
2 Expressing love during sex
2 Quality time and non-sexual touch first
2 Getting made up for sex
2 Pubic hair removal
2 Anal finger play on her
2 Anal finger play on me, and/or prostate stimulation
2 Anything other than a quickie
2 Gets her lubricant on my face
1 Hotel sex
1 Sex in a jacuzzi
1 Role playing
1 Stimulates herself to climax with the head of my penis
1 Kegels
1 Female ejaculation

Birth Control Survey

309 women and 307 men have answered

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Full list at the bottom.

  • Vasectomy was the most common, at 27%.
  • Condoms were a close second at 26%.
  • Hormonal methods were third, at 15%.
  • Methods that require knowing when a woman is fertile (FAM & NFP) were used by 13%.
  • Withdrawal was used by 11%.
  • Nine percent were using nothing.
  • In six percent the woman had been sterilised – either her tubes tied of insertion of the Ensure device.
  • Five percent were sexless – most against their will, a couple because of separation due to deployment.

Withdrawal/Pulling Out

Almost half who used this method also used condoms some of the time, and 13% were also using some form of hormonal contraception. Thirty percent, who used this method were practicing FAM. Twenty-two percent who pulled out used nothing else. This means only 2.5% of the total group were using withdrawal as their only form of birth control. Withdrawal was most common in those under 40.

FAM & NFP

Usage was about the same for those in their 20’s (20%) and 30’s (18%), but fell off a great deal for those in their 40’s (5%).

  • FAM + some other method during fertile time was the most common, at 6%.
  • FAM + sex other than intercourse during fertile time was used by 3.1%.
  • NFP was used by 2.8%
  • FAM with abstinence during fertile time was used by 1.1%

Note: Many who give the last three, all of which avoid intercourse during the fertile time, also indicated using condoms. 47% of those who used NFP also used condoms in the last 3 months. Likewise 47% who used NFP + some other form of sex during the fertile time used condoms . And 71% of those who use NFP and abstain during the fertile time used condoms over the last 3 months. Some of this could be switching what they use recently, but clearly many struggle to avoid intercourse during fertile times.

Hormonal Contraception

Fifteen percent use some form of hormonal birth control. The combination pill is the most common, followed by the progesterone only pill, extended cycle pills, vaginal rings, and Depro and the patch and Plan B. Hormonal contraception is far more common for younger women. It was used by 36% of those in their 20’s, but only 16% of those in their 30’s

In the last 3 months, which of the following forms of birth control have you and your spouse used? Check all that apply.

Condoms 25.8%
Female Condom 0.5%
Combination Pill 4.2%
Progestin-only Pill 1.6%
Extended-cycle pill (Lybrel, Seasonale, Seasonique ) 1.1%
Pill (Don’t know what kind) 6.8%
Plan B 0.3%
Patch (Ortho Evra ) 0.5%
Shot/Injection (Depo-Provera) 0.5%
Implant (Implanon, Norplant ) 0.6%
Vaginal Ring (NuvaRing) 1.0%
Diaphragm or Cervical Cap 0.3%
Spermicide 2.1%
Sponge 0.3%
IUD 7.8%
Withdraw (Pulling out) 11.2%
FAM + some other method during fertile time (Fertility awareness method) 6.0%
FAM + sex other than intercourse during fertile time 3.1%
FAM with abstinence during during fertile time 1.1%
NFP (Natural Family Planning – abstinence during fertile time) 2.8%
Vasectomy 27.1%
Hysterectomy, ablation, or ovaries removed 1.0%
Tubes Tied or Ensure 6.2%
On Demand Breast Feeding 0.5%
Currently Pregnant 4.7%
Infertility 1.0%
Nothing 9.2%
Too old to need it 2.4%
Not having sex 5.2%

What Is Most Lacking in Your Marriage?

88 men and 88 women have answered

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Which of the following are lacking in your marriage?

© surveymonkey.comFor women:

69% Romance
55% Communication
52% Non-Sexual Touching
49% Time Together
49% Sex
38% Affirmation
35% Neat Home
34% Spirituality
33% Income
32% Appreciation
31% Help Around the home
25% Friendship
25% Respect
15% Kindness
13% Self-control with Spending
9% Children under control

Several women added “Trust”

For Men:

66% Sex
53% Romance
48% Time Together
44% Non-Sexual Touching
33% Communication
32% Affirmation
31% Respect
28% Appreciation
23% Spirituality
22% Neat Home
14% Self-control with Spending
13% Income
13% Kindness
10% Children under control
9% Friendship
7% Help Around the home

Please rate how important each of these is in your marriage with 1 being the most important 16 being least important.

Average Ratings for women – 1 is most important, 16 is least:
2.9 Communication
4.8 Time together
5.6 Respect
6.0 Spirituality
6.1 Kindness
6.5 Romance
6.8 Sex
8.0 Non-sexual touching
8.1 Appreciation
8.3 Friendship
9.0 Affirmation
11.2 Help around the house
11.8 Income
13.7 Self-control with Spending
13.7 Neat Home
13.8 Children under control

Average Ratings for men – 1 is most important, 16 is least:
3.3 Communication
4.5 Time together
4.8 Respect
4.9 Sex
5.9 Romance
6.8 Kindness
7.3 Spirituality
7.8 Friendship
7.8 Affirmation
8.4 Non-sexual touching
8.7 Appreciation
11.9 Help around the house
12.5 Income
13.1 Self-control with Spending
13.8 Children under control
14.1 Neat Home

Infidelity Survey

246 women and 288 men have answered

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Cheating, who is doing what:

© surveymonkey.com

One interesting thing hidden in the numbers is that very few people engage in just non-intercourse cheating. Those who cheat usually have intercourse in addition to whatever else they do. For example, 85% of the women and 90% of the men who had oral sex outside marriage also had intercourse. For most categories, fewer than 25% engaged in that form of cheating and did not also engage in intercourse outside marriage.

There were a couple of exceptions to this:

  • 61% of the women who engaged in phone sex without orgasm had not had intercourse.
  • 56% of men who engaged in phone sex without orgasm did not have intercourse.
  • 61% of men who engaged in phone sex with orgasm did not have intercourse.
  • Half the men and women who had homosexual contact also had engaged in intercourse with a member of the opposite sex, half had not.

Age:

The average age of the women answering the survey was about ten years younger than average for the men. (This is the norm for our surveys.) This means the men have had ten more years to cheat, making their numbers higher. To separate the age and gender differences, we looked at those who have cheated in some way in any way by age.

Never Cheated

Age

Women

Men

under 24

4%

11%

25-34

17%

26%

35-44

21%

32%

45-54

11%

36%

55 and up

17%

29%

Based on this we still have men more likely to cheat. The lower numbers for the older ages suggest there is less cheating in older generations, but we have relatively few answering in the highest age range so this may be a result of insufficient data.

Does your spouse know?

Women

Men

Yes, I confessed

40%

27%

Yes, s/he found out

16%

15%

S/he has asked, I lied

5%

2%

I think s/he suspects

5%

6%

I don’t think so

13%

11%

Has no clue

21%

28%

Faking It

254 women and 362 men have answered

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Have you ever faked orgasm with your spouse?

  • 63% of women, and 33% of men have faked orgasm at least once. The figure for men is somewhat higher than the one in four figures from recent studies on the issue.
  • 14% of women fake orgasm at least 45% of the time.
  • A couple of women said they don’t fake it, but do not correct him when he assumes they have.

Who fakes © surveymonkey.com

Why do you fake orgasm? (Choose all that apply)

Female

Male

I don’t want my spouse to feel bad

74%

45%

I know I’m not going to climax.

50%

51%

To end sex.

25%

23%

I’m embarrassed to admit I struggle.

11%

5%

It’s not worth the hassle of telling the truth.

9%

3%

Just too tried.

9%

15%

I don’t want my spouse to think I am broken.

3%

9%

Trying to act how I think it is supposed to be.

12%

3%

I’m in pain.

2%

0%

To keep my spouse from being mad at me.

6%

6%

Comments from men:

  • Mostly when I am tired and don’t have the Stamina to keep going. I always give her at least 2 orgasms before I fake mine!
  • I’ll admit I’ve faked it but only on really rare occasions when I knew it would hurt her feelings but I couldn’t finish for some reason. It was at a period in our relationship when we were not doing very well.
  • There were several occasions where I just didn’t have the energy and so I acted like I had.
  • I only did it to see if she was paying attention early on when she was a refuser. I don’t do it anymore.
  • In a PhD program – I have a lot of stress, and not always in the mood as research is more often on my mind than sex; however, the spouse’s needs must be met!

Do you think your spouse knows you fake it?

Female

Male

No

52%

50%

Maybe

19%

24%

Sometimes, not always.

15%

7%

Usually

2%

6%

No idea

12%

12%

Do you think your spouse has ever faked orgasm with you?

Female

Male

I know s/he has, but I’ve never said anything.

2%

7%

I know s/he has, I said something, s/he denied it.

1%

3%

I know s/he has, I said something, s/he admitted it.

1%

6%

I strongly suspect s/he has.

3%

7%

I suspect s/he has.

5%

14%

I think s/he did in the past, but no more.

1%

5%

I don’t think so.

38%

35%

I am very sure s/he has never faked it.

50%

24%

How could he do that?

In the comments, several women asked how a man could fake an orgasm. It is fairly easy if the couple is using a condom; without a condom it is difficult. One men’s website actually posted an article on how to do this! Among other things, they suggested getting into a non-face-to-face position. Not to be outdone, another website wrote an article for women on how to tell if a guy is faking orgasm.

Attitudes about breast size

199 women and 434 men have answered

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First let us address some of the questions about this survey:

Q. What good can come from this survey?
A. To show that not all me are obsessed with huge breasts.

Q. Isn’t the only thing that matters how a woman’s husband feels about her breasts?
A. Yes, but some women think their husband lies to spare their feelings. Seeing other men saying the same thing anonymously can help.
Q. Why didn’t you ask about cup sizes instead of small, medium, and so on?
A. We have people from around the world answering these surveys, and cup sizes are not the same in all places.
Cup sizes are not what many think. Cup is based on the measurement below the breast subtracted from the measurement at the fullest part of the breasts (usually at the nipples). A petite woman with a two inch difference and a larger woman with a two inch difference have the same cup size (B in the us, C in the UK and Australia) but the petite woman will seem to have much larger breasts.
Small, medium and so on are perceptions of the individual, but the survey is about perceptions so that works.

What size are your or your wife’s breasts?

Female

Male

Very small

4%

1%

Small

23%

24%

Medium

31%

42%

Large

30%

27%

Extra Large

12%

6%

Mastectomy

0%

0%

Men were less likely to say very small or very large than women were.

If your/her breasts size could be changed with the wave of a hand, with no pain, cost, or problems, would you want them to be:

Female

Male

No change

30%

45%

A bit Bigger

29%

26%

Bigger

12%

16%

Much Bigger

2%

2%

A bit Smaller

17%

9%

Smaller

9%

3%

Much Smaller

2%

0%

Men were less likely to want a size change than women, and 12% actually would like smaller. Only 2% of men wanted much bigger.

  • 83% of women who said they are “extra-large” would like to be smaller.
  • 52% of women who said they are large would like to be smaller.
  • 6% of women who said they are medium would like to be smaller, while 67% would like to be larger.
  • 88% of women who said they are small would like to be larger.
  • 87% of women who said they are very-small would like to be larger.
  • 52% of women who said they are “extra-large” would like to be smaller.
  • 23% of women who said they are large would like to be smaller.
  • 5% of women who said they are medium would like to be smaller, while 47% would like to be larger.
  • 79% of women who said they are small would like to be larger.
  • 80% of women who said they are very-small would like to be larger.

Comments

  • Many women mentioned their breasts were oddly shaped, were different size or shape than each other, or that they were not perky enough.
  • Several women said they’d had a reduction, and were glad they did.
  • Several women have had augmentation, and none was unhappy with the results.
  • Several men said they were fine with their wife’s breasts, but wanted her to get augmentation for her self-image.
  • One man complained his wife’s augmentation left her with less sensation.
  • Several men said something along the lines of “a handful is perfect”.

Do You Pray as a Couple?

79 women and 75 men have answered

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Note: The age difference between male and female respondents was greater than usual for this survey. While half the women were in their 20’s, and 84% were under 40, only 16% of the men were in their 20’s, and 52% were 40 or older. This and low numbers overall mean any gender based differences are suspect.

© surveymonkey.com

Comments:

  • Several men and women said the only real prayer they do together is when they pray before meals.
  • One man summed up a common male problem well saying, “This is something we’d like to do as a couple, but we’ve had difficulty remembering to do it. We are both highly spiritual people and lifelong Christians in full time ministry. As a man, I’ve struggled with making my spirituality that vulnerable with her.”

Are you “getting enough” sex in your marriage?

188 women and 335 men have answered

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How does the sexual frequency in your marriage (any form of sex with your spouse) compare to your ideal frequency?

© SurveyMonkey.com

  • Half of the men said they have way less than they want.
  • A third of the women said way less than they want.
  • Only 20% of men and 34% of women are having the amount of sex they want.
  • 11% of the women and a .3% of men are having more sex than they want.
  • No one said they are having way more sex than they want.
  • For men, age had little effect on the numbers. Way less was selected by each age range as follows:
    • Age 20-29 51%
    • Age 30-39 54%
    • Age 40-49 46%
    • Age 50 & up 48%
  • For women age had a greater effect. Way less was selected by each age range as follows:
    • Age 20-29 30%
    • Age 30-39 42%
    • Age 40-49 29%
    • Age 50 & up 21%
    • In women the 30-39 age range has the most who said they were having way less than they wanted, and the least who said they were having the amount they wanted.

In an average week, how often do you and your spouse have some form of sex?

freq2

  • Sexless marriages by age range :
    • Age 20-29 6%
    • Age 30-39 5%
    • Age 40-49 4%
    • Age 50 & up 14%
  • The 30’s seems to be a low frequency time for many, while older couples are having plenty of fun – Frequencies of six or more times a week were most common among the 50 and up group. One couple in their 70 have sex daily!
  • Sex more than twice a week by age range :
    • Age 20-29 35%
    • Age 30-39 24%
    • Age 40-49 30%
    • Age 50 & up 46%
    • Frequencies of six or more times a week were most common among the 50 and up group.

Comments

  • Several women said they had little sex due to their husband’s health and/or medications.
  • Several women said they have limited sex because of his work schedule – either away from home or changing shifts.
  • Pregnancy and kids were given as reasons for limited sex by half a dozen women.

Several women said they have come to understand the importance of sex or learned to enjoy it as they have gotten older. One woman said they were happy with the current frequency, but expected it to go up as the last of the kids

How do you feel about having sex while staying at someone else’s home?

101 women and 193 men have answered

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  • Very few said absolutely not – only 7% of women and 1.5% of men.
  • More than half of men, and a quarter of women, find sex at someone else’s home exciting.
  • Women were more likely to put conditions on having sex.
  • More men than women said they were willing but their spouse was not – 28% to 7%.
  • By age, those in their 40’s were most likely to say they would.

© surveymonkey.com

  • The biggest concern was being heard, followed by the mess. Over a third of women, and 15 of men felt it was disrespectful!
  • Those in their 20’s were the most concerned with being heard, and the most likely to feel it was disrespectful.

© surveymonkey.com

Comments:

  • One woman said only at her parent’s house.
  • Several people said, “Only if the bed is quiet”.
  • Only if the kids are in another room was also mentioned by several.
  • Two said they have done it quietly in the dark while in the same room with the kids.
  • Several said they will have a quickie, and most of these indicated it was “just for him”.

Image Source: © Sue Harper | Dreamstime.com

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