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Risk of Adultery in Your Marriage

107 women and 244 men have answered

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  • We almost always ask this question but rarely report on it. The graph above is what we usually see. The very small number of non-believer replies are too small to do any correlations. Occasionally we see a strong correlation based on degree of faith. Mostly this question is used to filter out non-christians when a survey gets a flood of them for some reason.

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  • The number of men and women who have not committed adultery is within two points of what is found in major surveys.
  • Among those 44 and younger, men were more likely to have committed adultery. For those over 44 women were more likely. This is an anomaly compared to other surveys, and is likely due to the selective nature of our survey group.
  • Multiple affairs were more common for men, 10% versus 7%.

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  • For women the “yes” rate was the same as for sexual affairs.
  • For men the “yes” rate was a bit higher than for sexual affairs.

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  • The number of men and women who are sure their spouse has cheated matches the rates of cheating found in major surveys.

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  • Women were much more likely to be suspicious of this than men – 27% to 11%.

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  • More women than men were sure – 79% vs 67%.
  • Only six percent of men and women felt there was a chance they would cheat.
  • For those who already cheated far more felt it was possible it would happen again – 29% of men and 20% of women.

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  • Men and women were both less sure they would avoid an emotional affair.

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  • Men were slightly surer of their wife’s ability to avoid adultery than their own.
  • Women were slightly half as sure of their husband’s ability to avoid adultery as their own.
  • Twenty-six percent of men and 17% of women felt there was a chance their spouse would cheat.

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  • Again, women were more sure of their own control than their husband’s. Men were slightly more sure of their wife’s control.
  • Overall, 34% of men and 23% of women felt it was possible their spouse would have an emotional affair.

Women’s Comments:

  • My first marriage of 28 yrs ended because of my affair with my current husband. He is my second marriage. I am his third.
  • My husband and I were separated and though I did not have sexual intercourse I did allow kissing and fondling – which is biblically considered adultery.
  • We married young; he was into porn, I was naive and thought all men read it (no internet in those days). My adulterous relationships were sanctioned by my husband — it somehow fed his ego! He even wanted to try swinging (thank God we never did). Then we met Christ and my husband has been my one and only love since Christ entered my heart. He, however, continued to use porn (I had no idea) for years and only confessed it to me a couple of years ago, along with the emotional affair he was having at the time. Surprisingly, I found it easy to forgive him of both — perhaps because I’d been using sex as a tool of manipulation for years and had only just come to realize how sinful I had been.
  • He is a porn addict and to me that’s cheating.
  • Spouse and I have both been in affairs several years ago. This was at a time in the marriage when neither of us was committed to God and really didn’t have a good grasp of what marriage really meant. Our communication and intimacy (in all aspects) is so much different now that I can hardly believe we did the things we did. God truly can make one a new person.
  • I committed adultery before I was saved. The Holy Spirit has been working in me to break down the strongholds that made adultery a temptation I was willing to give in to. I say adultery will never happen in our marriage again because we maintain guard rails around our marriage now. Both with members of the opposite sex and guard rails protecting our marriage from apathy and atrophy. Without protective boundaries around your marriage anything really is possible because the slope is slippery and if we aren’t looking we can miss the forest for the trees. Protective boundaries are not burdensome or overly limiting. They require a little more planning, perhaps, but God isn’t limited by our plans.

Men’s Comments:

  • Regret my actions so much and it’s never going to happen again. The Lord be my helper.
  • We are both different people now. The affairs and emotional affairs were years ago, during the 5-10 year mark of our marriage. We have both confessed our sins and been forgiven, but continue to be damaged people trying to make our marriage better.
  • Sex addiction past.
  • We played fast and loose with our marriage vows , but slowly and surely, Jesus got hold of us and changed us. We share our testimony as evidence of how He can redeem even the most hopeless cases. 30 years in October!
  • Had a one time encounter with a woman at the hotel I worked for about a year after my wife and I were married. I was going through a time I felt neglected by my wife and the woman literally threw herself at me. It was quick, unsatisfying and I’ve always regretted it. My wife to this day does not know about it nor would I tell her since it was 30+ years ago. From that day I promised I would never put myself in position to cheat on my wife again. And through the grace of God I haven’t.





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