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Rate Your Marriage and Sex Life

82 women and 179 men answered
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Note: This survey is flawed in that it was answered by individuals, not couples. That said, the results are similar to what is found when couples are asked this kind of questions.

Rate Your Marriage and Sex Life

  • On the high end, virtually the same number of men and women say they are a 9 or 10.
  • On the low end, women are much more likely to rate their marriage as 4 or below. In fact, three times as many women than men rated their marriage as 4 or less.
  • The average rating went up with longer marriage, from 6.9 for those married less than three years to 9.4 for those married 35 years or more.
  • For both men and women the more important faith in Jesus, the better the marriage was rated.

Rate Your Marriage and Sex Life

  • As compared to the first question, woman expect more dissatisfaction from husbands than husbands show. No men rated their marriage a 1. But 4% of women thought their husband would rate it a one.
  • Half the women who rated their marriage as a 1 expected their husband would say the same.
  • No men thought their wife would rate their marriage as a one.

Rate Your Marriage and Sex Life

  • The majority of men and women say their marriage has improved of the last year.
  • Twenty-one present of women and 14% of men say their marriages have gotten worse.
  • Fifty-eight percent of women and 53% of men say it’s gotten better.

Rate Your Marriage and Sex Life

  • With the exception of a spike for women saying their sex life is a 1, men rated their sex life lower than women.
  • Eleven percent of men gave their sex life a 9 or 10, compared to 25% of women.
  • For women the more important their faith was, the more highly they rated sex. The average rating went from 2.2 for those who said their faith was not very important to 5.8 for those who said it was moderately important, and 7.0 for those who said it was very important.
  • For men faith had much less impact on the rating of sex life. The average was 5.5 for not very important, 4.8 for moderately, and 5.8 for very important.

Rate Your Marriage and Sex Life

  • Men start out really enjoying their sex life, but it drops a good deal after the third year.
  • Women start off much lower and then have a gradual increase, with a slight dip at 15-19 years.
  • From 20 years on, women rate their sex life more highly than men.

Rate Your Marriage and Sex Life

  • Women are much more likely to think their husband would rate sex a 9 or 10 than was seen when men rated it.
  • Seventy-nine percent of women said their husband would rate their sex life as 6 or better, but only 56% of men gave such a rating.

Rate Your Marriage and Sex Life

  • Thirty-one percent of women and 32% of men said their sex life has gotten worse.
  • Forty-four percent of women and 36% of men say their sex life had gotten better.

Female Comments

  • I found out in November that my husband had been unfaithful since about May. I had asked him multiple times, and he kept denying. So it’s better in that he’s now being faithful, but worse in that I’m once again dealing with that.
  • Being intentional makes all the difference!
  • My husband has Depression and has only just started medication and counciling. It has had a huge impact on our marriage as when he is depressed he’s sees everything from a negative perspective and behaves in very selfish hurtful ways bot to himself and the rest of the family. When he is not depressed he is lovely and caring.
  • Need more ideas to make sex fun.
  • My husband has erectile dysfunction it has now reached a point where Viagra doesn’t work.
  • Struggling husband addressing low t and underlying health issues. Before this problem we were red hot in the bedroom.
  • My hubby is diabetic and they keep changing his meds. This has had an effect on our sex life, which we are aware of and are working to improve.
  • Based upon when I was married.
  • My marriage has stood the test of time. Also we managed to bring it back from years of a dead bedroom and sex is awesome, much better than when we were younger.
  • We fell apart between years 21 and 23—nothing scandalous, just cavernous distance. On our 23rd anniversary we decided to acknowledge our mistakes and tackle all the hard stuff head-on. Not easy and definitely not fun, but we are heading into our fourth year of SO MUCH BETTER. Sex has become frequent and amazing. Intimacy and just really enjoying each other’s company is much improved. My advice: It isn’t too late to try again. It is worth the tears, the uncomfortable, the awkward to get to better than ever.
  • I’ve been pregnant most of this past year, so sex has been… different. But we are so much better off in our marriage & sex life than we were just a few years ago. Sex is so much more than procreation. God made it to be enjoyable, not something to be condemned from the pulpit. Breaking away those bad preachings from my youth was essential & now our marriage [& sex life!] is only getting better! Seeing sex as a Godly way to minister to my husband & relaxing into it so I can have fun too made all the difference.
  • Husband was diagnosed with ALS in the last year. It’s devastating! Making love is no longer an option for us!
  • The only reason “it’s” been a little worse is because we had another baby. It’s takes time to get back into the swing of things and babies are very time consuming and sleep draining, but we make a big effort for “our time” together as much as we can. We know it’s just a phase.
  • Health and age make it more of an effort. Outcome is amazing and wonderful.
  • He has zero interest in sex or intimacy, he doesn’t choose to spend quality time with me or the kids and favors his hobbies over us. He doesn’t think it’s that way until our 20 month old son doesn’t want anything to do with him. Then he is ill with me for him being a mamas boy. When I tried marriage counseling things where better but he refused to go and cited we he was doing better. Well, he was but as soon as I said ok no more counseling he’s checked out again. We are in a sexless marriage (averaging once every three months or so) but he wants another baby and says he loves me he just doesn’t want to have sex. I have zero interest in divorce, but the fact of the matter is we are basically roommates that tolerate each other.
  • Although we have sex less often due to health issues and exhaustion it is still better, because the issues have been worked on. Our intimacy emotionally and spiritually is so much better.
  • These last 9 years have been amazing! I’m very Blessed! Our marriage grows daily!

Male Comments

  • 29 years of marriage and sex gets better every year.
  • Lack of intimacy for my wife lead to less sex. Trying to communicate without going overboard on feelings can be hard and disappointing.
  • We have made numerous bad financial decisions leading to us both working 2 jobs.
  • I think after 20 years we are still highly in love with each other and sex is great the difference maker needs to be having fun and prioritizing time to make it stay great! It doesn’t always have to be scheduled, for example: at night from 9-10pm, 3 times a week, etc… We both have to be committed to spontaneity!
  • I have discovered that my wife certain motives for having sex in the early stages of marriage but once she was confident with our marriage quality and quality both diminished greatly.
  • I wish my wife was more willing to talk about sex.
  • Our sex life has been affected by the drugs my wife is on after a double mastectomy. The Tamoxifen kills any desire and the antidepressants means that she can’t orgasm. A pitiful situation.
  • Christian Counseling has been amazing. Recommend for all couples, regardless of marital health.
  • We are two months into counseling after discovering my wife’s infidelity.
  • I am convinced that nothing will ever change. She doesn’t view sex the same way that I do.
  • Just had our second child. My wife has hormone issues we’re working through that have decreased her sex drive.
  • Aging medical problems.
  • My loving wife has a very low/non-existent drive and I have a very high drive. That creates some tension.
  • We’ve invested in our sex life in the last 2 years and our marriage is definitely better. Less arguing, less bitterness and resentment, less strife, more romance, more love. We are still mediocre sex from what I’d like, but it’s better than the terrible if any we had.
  • We really need more frequency. Work responsibilities interfere.
  • We go through cycles of great sex and times of desert. The barren times could be a month or two, the great times could be as much as 20 times in a month. I wish I could level these times out.
  • We were both virgins when we got married. Over the last few years we got much better at sex, but our time and frequency took a bit of a hit with little kids around. We still try to strive for an “almost every day” philosophy, but is more often, “almost every other day.”
  • We had a dead bedroom for 19 of our married years together. Over 4 years ago I thought we were going to divorce because the dead bedroom never improved no matter what I did or tried. Facing divorce my wife made lots of changes and we probably have more sex and intimacy than any couples our age. Getting past the dead bedroom has caused our marriage to prosper and blossom! I never considered divorce as an option but I couldn’t face another decade of being rejected and unloved. It’s ironic that when I decided that I had to consider divorce and head in that direction, my wife realized the severity of the situation and made the necessary changes to save our marriage.
  • The reason for the sex life getting worse has more to do with declining health than anything else. We both tell each other that we are having fantastic sex with each other in our heads, but our middle aged bodies with their aches and pains just can’t keep up.
  • My wife is an optimist and tends to react badly to criticism. Anytime I criticise our marriage she takes it personally, so her rating it as good would need to be seen under this light. As for me, I’m a pessimist. While she sees the glass half full, I see it half empty, so to speak. Our sexual frequency has increased to every 2.5 days (yeah, I count the times) so she makes an effort and I appreciate it. But she will climax less than 20 percent of the times. She says that’s OK with her, but obviously it’s not good for me when I’m the only one climaxing. Nothing I do seems to help. She is nearing menopause, so the future looks bleak.
  • I am very lucky because my wife is willing to have sex with me very often in order to meet my physical needs. However what is frustrating is that she is not necessarily into it emotionally and she is more interested in just being able to check the box to say that she has sex with me frequently, and put effort forward him to making the sex that we have the best that it can be. Don’t get me wrong, frequent sex is much better than no sex at all. And frequent steps is much better than infrequent sex. She would tell you that I’m the luckiest man on Earth because she has sex with me more than anyone else around us is having sex. But we have lots of room for improvement in our emotional connection and her willingness to make it good sex or great sex, not just check the box sex.
  • we both rank our sex 11. 🙂






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