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Do Your Kids Limit Sex?

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Do Your Kids Limit Sex?

  • Men and women were very close on this one.
  • Women were slightly more likely to say the kids had no effect or just a small affect – both about 3 points higher for women.
  • Men were more likely to say kids affect sex a whole lot – 13% to 19%.
  • About 30% of men and women say children affect sex a moderate amount.
  • About 25% of men and women say children affect sex “a bit”. Slightly fewer say “a lot”.

Do Your Kids Limit Sex?

  • Makes sex difficult at certain times of the day was the most cited problem by both men (77%) and women (86%).
  • Reduced energy was the second most mentioned problem, given by 77% of men and 80% of women.
  • Reduced time for sex was the third most common answer, selected by 74% of men and 63% of women.
  • Women were more likely to say lack of nonsexual connection than men – 39% to 14%. However, men were aware of this as an issue, with 54% of men saying less non-sexual connection reduced their wife’s interest in sex.
  • Women are more worried about being heard (39% of women and 14% of men). Men seem to overestimate this issue, with 60% thinking this is a problem for their wife.
  • Women are somewhat more worried about the kids knocking or walking in, 27% to 18%. Again men overestimate this problem, with 51% saying it’s a concern for their wife.
  • Two percent of men say they lost their interest in sex after having kids, while 6% of wives say their husband lost interest.
  • Eight percent of women say they lost their interest in sex after having kids, while 25% of men say their wife lost interest.
  • Twenty-four percent of women and 10% of men say co-sleeping is making sex difficult.
  • Most of these issues were more common for those who had children three or younger, and become somewhat less of an issue as children got older. The exception was fear of being heard, which increased as the age of the children increased.

Women’s Comments

  • It’s challenging when the kids are wide awake. Hubby & I steal away for quickies sometimes while they watch a movie, but otherwise it is either first thing in the early morning before they wake or after they go to bed. After the eldest walked in on us a few years ago, we’ve put a lock on the door. I still sometimes freak-out mid-lovemaking because I can’t remember if we locked the door or not. 😀
  • When the kids are gone we can have longer play time, in different parts of the house.
  • I’m older but I clearly remember post childbirth being life altering both emotionally and physically. Our children were both sick for about 1 year each (congenital heart defects with surgery). I had NO energy, desire, or need for sex. I needed sleep. My libido never returned to pre-child levels. It’s like my whole life’s purpose shifted from lover to Mother.
  • We trained them from a young age to leave us alone and occupy themselves. As babies, we would take advantage of their sleep patterns. We now have sex more than ever since the youngest turned 2 (5 now).
  • We have 4 children ranging in age between 11 to 2. I very much have a strong sex drive and try to have sex with my husband as much as possible. The kids make it so we have to wait until they are all in bed. We can only have sex in our bedroom. Somehow we think the 2 year old has radar because he wakes up or makes some kind of loud noise at the worst part of our love making. Some days with my husband’s job, and the stresses of the evening with kids, we end up just going to sleep, instead of getting it on, even if we both really wanted too because we are exhausted. I sometimes dream about the day our kids are grown and we do not have them weighing us down, or blocking us anymore.
  • We take every little opportunity we can to tease each other during the day or when we’re together, like pulling him into the pantry for a 5 second make out session, or slapping his butt and touching. We work hard to make sure we get “our time” together, but having a newborn along with other small children can mean very late nights and always early mornings, so we just try for another night and go to bed together knowing that this is just a phase.
  • I have had 3 children all high risk pregnancies by emergency c-sections and a tubal ligation so I think the recovery time hindered us with having to wait the required 6 weeks and I am reluctant to doing oral or other things for him and I can’t have any pleasure in my region.
  • Our kids are not babies and toddlers anymore, which was really a hard time. It was so draining for me. It’s not the same kind of drain now that they are 9,11,14 and 15 but it’s other things that get in the way. It just has to be a priority and something you have to make time for no matter what. I think once you have a family you have to be more intentional about making time and having energy for sex.
  • Kids changed my body and the things that used to work no longer work and we haven’t been able to figure out what does work.
  • Don’t want no more kid’s!!!!!
  • We have a 12 year old (mine from a previous marriage), 4 year old and 2 year old. The only time they have interfered with sex was when they were baby babies. I got pregnant when the now 4 year old was 8.5 months old, so it obviously didn’t effect it too much 😉
  • Tired by the time we get them all down for the night.

Men’s Comments

  • Mainly ours kids reduce our energy and limit sex to small windows of opportunity. Ugh!
  • Our teen has some special needs, so our situation may not be typical. Wife is more bothered by this than I am, but still I would hate to be walked in on. We are limited to either early morning (I’m a morning person while wife and teen are night owls so this is not ideal) or when teen is out of the house on some activity. Late night does not work because our teen is a night owl as well.
  • It has gotten better, the older the kids are.
  • While these statements are true our sex life is the best it has ever been. We don’t let these things stop us. Just be creative.
  • While we did co-sleep for a while, we still found time, we simply worked harder at it. Now that our kids are older, we have to make sure we keep the energy and desire up, but we remain committed to sex on a regular basis.
  • When our twins were first born (and even before) sex was sporadic at best. Except for when we were trying to conceive and a few times during pregnancy, it happened at most once a week (though once every 2 weeks was most common). My wife has been working on it for the last 5 years and things are getting better, especially now that the kids are in school.
  • The boys are pretty self-sufficient. They know we have sex, but they pretend that they don’t!
  • We have had a healthy sex life for 25 years. Sex is even more wonderful during the empty nest years.
  • 4 kids make it a bit more challenging, but we still make do.
  • Our sex life was damaged before having children, but having children negatively impacted what we had.
  • We didn’t find cosleeping inhibited sexual intimacy. Current problems are due to logistics and energy. Kids are part of that but not the whole story.
  • Our kids are grown and gone and married. We have grandchildren now and they don’t interfere at all. People don’t realize that older people have sex too!!
  • Our kids are 17 and 19, so we have fewer issues with our sex life now. But when they were young…!
  • We have to purpose our intimate time together. we actually found a time when all kids are gone twice a week and get it done. Love life is better than ever.
  • My lady and I still have an “almost every day” philosophy. But with toddlers and two babies (twins were a surprise), the time we have together can either be for sex OR spending time doing other things together or connecting emotionally.
  • We still have sex almost every night. During the day is a little more challenging but putting on a half hour show does the trick.
  • As our kids get older (and our views of sexuality have grown up), they interfere far less with our sexual relationship.
  • Wife has always be low drive. With child now she has put it in park.
  • Although co-sleeping makes sex difficult in our room, we sometimes use other rooms instead
  • As the kids get older, and stay up later, it makes it tougher to have sex in areas of the house besides the bedroom.
  • I “know” intellectually I shouldn’t bother if they realize we’re having sex, or hear us, but I emotionally do bother. They never commented or made jokes or anything, but the inner censorship in my soul does the job. My wife is way more at ease, it’s always me saying “shut up, they’ll hear us!” Anyway, it’s not so bad as to stop us from having sex. It’s just something that reduces 5he spontaneity.






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