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Childhood Sex Play

136 women and 282 men have responded
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The survey started with: This survey is NOT about unwanted or abusive sex. We are asking about sex play between mutually willing children of similar ages.

Childhood Sex Play

  • 75% of women and 71% of men said they engaged in child sex play at least one time.
  • 47% of women and 39% of men engaged in child sex play with more than one person.
  • 9% of both men and women said they only engaged in such play one time.
  • Fewer women over 54 reported such contact than younger women by about 40%. For men there was no significant difference based on current age.

Childhood Sex Play

  • Women’s first sex play tended to be earlier than men’s. More women than men said their first sex play was at less than 6 or from 6 to 9 years. More men said their first sex play was between 10 and 12 or 13 and 14.
  • Women under the age of 44 were more than twice as likely to have experienced their first sex play before the age of six than older women.
  • Men over 54 were somewhat more likely to have been over the age of 10 the first time they engaged in sex play.

Childhood Sex Play

  • The vast majority of childhood sex play was with children of the same age. 68% was with a child within one year.
  • 15% was with a child 1 to 3 years older or younger.
  • Less than 3% was with a child more than three years older or younger.

Childhood Sex Play

  • Same-sex play was slightly more common for women, at 52%, than men, at 40%
  • For men same sex was increasingly common for older men, ranging from a third for the youngest men to almost half for men over 54.
  • For women over 54, it was less common for sex play to have been same sex than for younger women.

Childhood Sex Play

  • Very few people said they initiated sex play. Only 12% of men and 7% of women said it was them.
  • 31% of men and 43% of women said the other person started it.
  • 57% of women and 50% of men said it was mutual.
  • Both men and women were more likely to report same-sex play was initiated by the other person while opposite-sex play was more likely to be reported as mutually initiated.

Childhood Sex Play

  • The most common person for first sex play was a friend. 62% of men and 54% of women gave this answer.
  • Other relative was the second most given answer, selected by 26% of women and 17% of men.
  • A neighbour was the most common “other” answer. Two women said a boyfriend, and four men said a girlfriend.

Childhood Sex Play

  • Seeing each other’s genitals was the most common activity, with men reporting both seeing and showing at higher rates than women.
  • Touching genitals was the second most common activity. Again men reported this more, but the rates were closer.
  • Masturbation was reported by 20% of the men and 10% of the women.
  • 17% of the men and 14% of the women reported having an orgasm.
  • Women’s “other “ answers included kissing, dry humping, nude genital contact without penetration, and one report of intercourse.
  • Men’s other answers included kissing, dry humping, nude genital contact without penetration, and one failed attempt to penetrate.

Childhood Sex Play

  • The majority kept their sex play hidden from parents. 78% of men and 62% women said no parent ever found out.
  • 19% of women and 11% of men said a parent found out while it was going on or shortly after.

Women’s Comments

  • Various forms of nudity, sex play, truth or dare, etc were not uncommon until age 10 or 11. Once puberty hit, it stopped. Ironic.
  • Felt wrong and we never talked about it after. I remember hearing what sex was and was curious. I was abused by mild touch at an earlier age, which may have increased my curiosity. Remembering saying it was ok, even pastors do it. I definitely initiated conversation, but trying ” something” was mutual.
  • I really didn’t want to.
  • Hate it ever happen. I was too innocent and wanted to please my brother.
  • There were 2 occasions this happened to me during 3rd grade. It sure seems way too young when I look back on it now. There was an older girl , we used to practice kissing and French kissing and some light petting. We mutually enjoyed it and I do not think of it as any kind of abuse even though she was a couple years older. The other girl, also a neighbor, was more my age, maybe 1 year older. We actually got in bed when her parents weren’t home and would hump on each other. We knew it was a sexual movement but didn’t know any more than that. It was exploration. It felt good and felt completely innocent.
  • The sex play that I was a part of as a child was due to being curious and parents that let us play without close supervision or allowed us to be alone for a long time without being checked on. The sexual behavior I took part in caused me much shame especially when I realized that it was wrong (as I grew older). It was a shame that shadowed the earlier years of my marriage. My husband shared with me that he did the same when he was a child and I had a close friend share the same. Knowing that I wasn’t the only one who had explored this way as a child really helped me to realize that I was just an innocent child being curious. My husband and I are very informative of sexuality (with regards to their age and understanding level) and protective of our children so that this same thing doesn’t happen with them.
  • It was a weird one time thing. I think I never would have remembered had it not been for the email. It was after a friend read something to me out of her mother’s journal. She wanted to practice how to kiss and remove clothes. I seriously did not like it or get aroused. I thought it was kind of gross, we never did that again. It was well before I even knew what gay meant, and I am definitely not that. Nothing like that has ever happened since. Later as I learned more and more about this friend I distanced myself from her and stopped hanging out with her.
  • No one knows and I am beginning to wonder if this is part of my sexual hiccup in my life and marriage.
  • There wasn’t an option for both sexes of the other children
  • Another friend of the opposite sex other than the one I referred to in the survey would play house in 1st and 2nd grade. As part of that play we would sometimes lay on top of each other and pretend to sleep. I remember it feeling good having him on top of me. We were fully clothed but I liked it.
  • One of the older children became a friend of my mother several years later. Although I never discussed it with either of them, I have always disliked that person.
  • When I was 11, my cousin (male) was babysitting me (female). He was about 3 years older than me. He said he wanted to play a game. He had me take my close off, then he took his close off. He then told me to lay down and proceeded to lay on top of me, tried to press his penis against me, and kept asking if I felt him inside me. I had no idea what he was trying to do. I felt scared and confused. Thankfully, our parents got home right about then and he jumped off. He told me not to tell anyone. First sexual experience.
  • At 13 years old I was raped by a boy who I went to school with and he lived near me. He was one year older than me. He talked me into sneaking into the woods to smoke a cigarette. I went along because I just wanted to be cool. Little did I know if his plans. He forced his self onto me and I kept saying no and to stop but he just kept pulling me to him and wouldn’t take no for an answer. I went into shock basically and was then rapped. I didn’t tell my parents or any one afterwards and I still haven’t till this day and I’ll soon be 28 years old.
  • Started intercourse about 12, pregnant at 13. Previously started about 6 with 2 females then later as I hit puberty with males. Needless to say being over exposed to sex due to parents having sex when you were small when you slept in bed overnight with them. Was very promiscuous as a teen multiple one night stands and masturbated almost daily even while married. Lead to an extramarital affair for 1.5 yrs. Due to lack of sex in marriage I still had high sex drive. After therapy found out was due to over exposure.
  • 3 different incidents. 3 different people. Always instigated by the other people, but I always went along with it even though I didn’t want it to happen.
  • I have no idea what counts as sex play or not. After my youngest sister was born, my middle sister and I would take turns pretending to be a breastfeeding baby and would try to suck on each other’s nipples, which usually ended in a fit of giggles because we were ticklish. When I was a little older my youngest sister and cousin her age were taking a bath together and I did touch his penis, but it wasn’t sexual as much as just curiosity because I had only sisters. He was maybe three and was all too happy to show it off. Ha! So I said yes to these questions, but maybe that’s not sexual play?


Men’s Comments

  • Curious young boys trying to figure out what ‘sex’ and masturbation was about?
  • Four different girls over nine years building up to P in V at age at age 13 nobody was forced it was the 70s and we were WAY WAY to sexually aware but still stupid children.
  • Innocent curiosity.
  • Immaturity and experimentation.
  • Had oral sex with a girl twice when.
  • These things happened regularly from age 13 onward. Mostly touching and stuff but a few times in their bed or my bed in the middle of the night while the carers slept.
  • I never “sexually played” with another as a youngster, but I did start masturbating at 10 years old.
  • My best friends were the pastor’s two sons — both younger than me. If I remember correctly, one spent the night at my house and later the other spent the night. Each of them initiated sex play — massage that included buttocks and genitals. I agreed to do it, and they were a year or two younger, but I think I partly felt pressured and manipulated. Could this be a kind of abuse?
  • It was sexual in the organs that were touched, but it wasn’t sexual in thoughts or feelings. It was very much “you show me yours, I’ll show you mine” with a bit of touching.
  • First touched a buddy’s penis and he touched mine at age 7. Another boy about 6 years older asked me to perform oral sex on him. I did it because I wanted to be “accepted” by the older boy I looked up to. At 14, a male cousin and I mutually masturbated to orgasm while sleeping over. This happened more than once, and once with porn that we found accidently (magazines – before the internet). I masturbated with or had “sword fights” with neighbor buddies my age too. I used to feel guilty, but have learned in my adult life that child / teen experimentation is common.
  • It was a taboo and I knew if I did it Dad would “kill” me, so I didn’t even consider.
  • Early sex play was completely innocent; later sex play not so much.
  • Kinda experimental. She would get me hard and I jacked off.
  • I played pull down pants with the little girl next door and wondered why my penis got hard and couldn’t get it back in my pants. She would touch my genitals and I would touch her genitals and we would explore each other. It felt really good. Our parents caught us on one occasion and we both got a spanking and were told it was nasty, dirty, naughty, and to never do it again. We didn’t listen; and just made sure we were never caught. I was an only child and she had a little sister. This was when we were about five years old, then nothing happened for several years until I was about to pre-pubescence age. Then things really got going. But, that is for another survey.
  • It was a small group of boys all about the same age and one of them taught the rest of us how to masturbate.
  • More than one child, always friends, always exploration in innocent ways, mostly between 5-10 years old.
  • It was 1970 in 1971 we went her own ways. We both got married to other people had our families. I was married for 32 years and I found her again on Facebook, I never could get her off my mind out of my heart. And she was going through a divorce again. So chasing My Flesh I left my family in 2011 and we got married.
  • Lack of opportunity more than a moral issue with it.
  • A male friend told me how to masturbate and then we started doing it together, which then led to us masturbating each other. It never went further than that, just curious exploration but it did lead to some intense childhood guilt at the time in a very fundamentist upbringing
  • Unfortunately I was already heavily into porn prior to age 15, but did not have any sexual relationship until age 17.
  • This started with my cousin who was close in age. We started by playing make believe and for some reason we imagined peeing on each other. That must have led to us wondering about each other’s parts so we went in the bathroom and showed each other. We never spoke about it again.
  • Even though I only became a Christian at age 24, I didn’t have sex until 18. Plenty of solo play and porn before that though. Even some cybersex, too.
  • Thanks this helps me feel normal.
  • My wife did and feels guilty to this day. And it was mild “play”.






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