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Perfect Foreplay?

175 women and 388 men have answered
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© surveymonkey.com

  • This chart is not what media tells us to expect!
  • The greatest gender difference is for 5 to 10 minutes, with 18% of women but only 10% of men wanting this amount of foreplay.
  • Roughly a quarter of both sexes want each of the middle three choices, 10-15 minutes, 15-20 minutes, and 20-30 minutes.
  • Men slightly outnumber women in the over half an hour categories by 14% to 11%.
  • Women outnumber men in the less than ten minutes choices by 22% to 13%.

© surveymonkey.com

  • The only three activates wanted by more women than men are the less sexual choices of full body hugging, kissing of the face and neck, and non-sexual massage.
  • Men were far more interested in her having a climax during intercourse by 69% to 47%.
  • Women’s top five, starting with the most chosen, were manual stimulation of her genitals, complete nudity for both, fondling of her breasts, manual stimulation of his genitals, oral stimulation of her breasts.
  • Men’s top five, starting with the most chosen, were fondling of her breasts , manual stimulation of her genitals, oral stimulation of her breasts , complete nudity for both, and oral stimulation of her genitals.
  • Women’s bottom three, starting with least chosen, were kissing on the mouth for a long time, kissing on the mouth for a short time, and having an orgasm.
  • Men’s bottom three, starting with least chosen, were non-sexual massage, kissing on the mouth for a long time, and kissing on the mouth for a short time.

In the comments a number of men said they would like more foreplay in general, and/or more foreplay aimed at them.

Women’s Comments:

  • The best foreplay includes a whole lot of licking and sucking. When his face is between my legs for forty five minutes I know my orgasms will be awesome.
  • My husband needs to finally realize that I mean it that he needs to start with non-sexual touching EVERY SINGLE TIME and then I am able to relax and I start to realize how much I want him to touch me sexually. If I’m in a hurry to have him touch me sexually, I will always let him know. I know he’s always sleepy (we have sleep apnea issues even though he faithfully wears his CPAP) and wants to get to it so he can go to sleep. But does he really forget all the time that I don’t like it if he immediately begins fondling my breasts and genitals? Sorry I’m slow to get going, and he’s a great lover, but we frequently have to get past this first….
  • I know this isn’t specifically foreplay, but I’d like more romance and affection leading up to the bedroom. I want to feel like my body and self are appreciated, even apart from sex. And believe, I’m a very sex-positive wife!
  • My favorite foreplay includes starting vertical, fully clothed. But that never happens anymore. The hardest foreplay is manual stimulation that is stopped before completion, then I never have opportunity to have a climax.
  • My spouse is amazing with foreplay!!
  • Foreplay doesn’t have to include all of these every sexual encounter, but it’s nice if it includes some variety of all of these.
  • I answered this on what I like, not what we do most of the time. It’s kind of ironic that it seems like much of our foreplay is for him when he’s not the one who needs it (MS and OS of his genitals), and what works for me is left out. Things need to stay mixed up, because 1) on different days, different things work, 2) if you continue to do the same thing, it loses the arousing affects.
  • DH doesn’t seem to need or want any foreplay before PIV for himself. I offer from time to time, sometimes he takes me up on the offer; usually he wants to focus foreplay on me. Once in a while he will move my hand to where he wants to be stimulated. Oral & manual stimulation of his genitals occurs when we are not having PIV and he desires to orgasm. We do not consider an orgasm for me as a part of foreplay. Generally one or two orgasms will occur before PIV but foreplay is what leads up to that orgasm.
  • Rough/not soft, calloused hands.
  • Does it count as foreplay if I orgasm? I really like a lot of oral before he penetrates me and I usually orgasm a few times from that and then again once he’s in me.
  • I would LIKE it to include non-sexual or even sexual massage for myself but my husband thinks a 25-second shoulder rub is ‘it’. He is very open to full-body nude hugging, though (imagine!) and I also enjoy that.
  • I am so in love with my husband.
  • I wish we spent more time in foreplay. Not (just) because it gets me going, but because it makes sex seem more …. light-hearted. Like, it’s play time.
  • After 20 years , what I miss the most are sweet non sexual hugs and lots of kisses ..both short and sweet and long and deep. I long for it 🙁
  • I personally don’t like foreplay to last too long because I run the risk of getting bored and I start to think about other things and it can kill the mood for me. It’s better to keep things moving so I don’t over think it.
  • 30-45 is definitely an average as I’d way prefer more than that, but often want it shorter lately for the need to sleep while the littles are occupied. It does often mean sacrificing my orgasm completely.
  • Although I do enjoy oral stimulation as a gift, I have concerns about the potential smell and hygiene issues. I’m only really fully comfortable with if I’ve freshly showered.
  • I do not need or really like much foreplay. I orgasm quickly and easily from intercourse, and prefer moving to orgasm quite quickly after a bit of kissing. My breasts are not sensitive and my clitoris can be over-sensitive, so I prefer G-spot stimulation through intercourse. I can only tolerate oral or manual clitoral stimulation after I have had at least one orgasm from intercourse – it seems to desensitize my clitoris a bit.
  • I like foreplay, but hubby doesn’t. It doesn’t matter what my level of physical or mental arousal is, foreplay is almost non-existent. You can’t force someone to give you what they don’t like doing.
  • All I get is a quick kiss, a fondle, and BAM I’d better be ready to go.
  • I don’t mind rushing a bit to sex sometimes if I know every few times he can give me lots of foreplay. Also, rubbing the clitoris is great but touching the vulva/vagina nice also, maybe some gentle fingering…
  • Physical attention (kissing, touching etc.) and flirting(verbal and non-verbal) in between sexual encounters. I want to feel wanted and loved outside of the physical act of sex. This keeps my desire for my husband going strong and sex on my mind!
  • This would be my ideal. It doesn’t happen though. I’ve tried to explain several times my needs and differences in arousal and sexual fulfillment, my husband makes sure I reach orgasm but I know the experience is never as full or fulfilling as it could be. He doesn’t seem to get past relating to how he experiences sex and expects I react or want the same. or maybe is influenced by porn he saw as a younger man? Which all men need to know has absolutely zero to do with how real women are sexually. Or maybe he’s lazy because it’s easier for him? I’m grateful for what we do have but it would be nice to have more once on awhile
  • Most of all, I want enough time for foreplay instead of waiting until it’s late and I’m exhausted so I just want to get it over with. Every time it’s like we are in a rush because he has something else on his agenda or its late.

Men’s Comments:

  • We do most of these things almost every time we make love. Sometimes adding a toy or a blindfold. 3-4 times a week.
  • Teasing talk all day long prior to getting together….my wife likes to “flash” me when she knows the kids can’t see her (she is around the corner)
  • I think that my wife and I have role-reversal when it comes to foreplay–she is always in a hurry to move to intercourse, and I could (and would really like to) stay in the foreplay zone for a much longer time. I just enjoy the slow steady build up.
  • Would love her to participate more. Foreplay isn’t just for. women!
  • Foreplay should go both ways, right? I love when my wife rubs my “package” through my jeans or pants. Gets me incredibly turned on, still after 20 plus years of marriage. You also left off the list of options one of my favorites — leg and rear end massage. Breasts are great, but derriere is awesome too. Don’t forget it.
  • So many times lovemaking is wam-bam thank you mam. I think it is very important that both partners enjoy the build up to climax that is brought about by foreplay.
  • I really could include all of these options, but not all of them every time.
  • Despite being listed above, oral stimulation of genitals IS sex, not foreplay. Also, if one or both have an orgasm, you just had sex, not foreplay. Foreplay by definitely is the play that warms you up for sex. If you’re climaxing, you have been warmed up.
  • Why wouldn’t any or all of these activities be welcomed?
  • Given that we’re not pressed for time, that it’s not already 11pm on a weeknight, etc., long luxurious foreplay makes for more and better enjoyment for both parties. Sometimes we will watch a TV show together in some state of undress and play during the commercials, getting hotter and longer with each commercial break. At some point, the TV goes off (or not) and the party begins in earnest. This may take a couple of hours. These usually end up being some of the most memorable, fun bouts of making love we have because we took the time to truly enjoy each other without a need to rush to the end. While the destination is amazing, the journey is 3/4 of the fun!
  • I actually prefer far more foreplay than my bride. She is still working on becoming sex positive so she still prefers less than 5 minutes of foreplay, then jumping right into 3 to 5 minutes of intercourse. She is able to average 3 orgasms in this time so she is quite satisfied. Conversely, I would prefer to stretch everything out over at least 30 minutes and be able to bring her to climax many more times. I find that as a guy and being limited to 1 climax per session, I feel vastly more satisfied if we take the scenic route and enjoy the sensations along the way rather than simply racing to a finish line. Also, I get as much pleasure out of her orgasming as my own, so the more I can give her, the better I feel. Having the chance to bring my bride to climax a dozen times and leaving her as a blissful, smouldering wreck makes me feel very connected and gives me great pride. We are working on making this a more common occurrence.
  • Foreplay should start and continue throughout the entire day. It could include things such as notes, texts, instant messages, pictures, and apps such as Avocado. The power of suggestion is a very powerful thing for me.
  • I love long foreplay. I’d do whatever it takes. I just wish I knew what worked for my wife. I think she has turned off her ability to feel much of anything as arousing. What used to be arousing for her she has refused to accept.
  • Nothing gets me hotter during foreplay than when she sucks her juices off her or my finger.
  • I always try to get her to orgasm at least once during foreplay.
  • Flirting days or hours before actually getting to foreplay.
  • Extended foreplay brings about arousal that isn’t likely to happen otherwise. And it makes for a much stronger climax.
  • I really like for us to both really turned on during foreplay and maybe an orgasm or two for her before we have intercourse. Just want to drive her crazy.
  • What I would like but rarely happens.
  • If pre ejaculation is considered less than 2 min, then I have it. This leads to a lot of foreplay. Most of the above happens most times except oral on wife. She does not like it and will not kiss me (when I have done it) without full face wash and teeth brush. (She has O this way and says it feels good but doesn’t like it despite pleasure.) Doing oral on her is a big turn on for me. She does oral on me but finishing that way is gross to her, which is fine I’d rather finish piv. She has O almost every time but it’s always clitoral manual from me, she doesn’t think she can O piv and I don’t last long anyway. She likes piv but not long durations. I long for strips but she doesn’t feel comfortable with that
  • My wife loves to orgasm during foreplay, so I typically take all the time she needs to get her there.
  • The only way my wife can achieve orgasm is by oral, so foreplay is very important
  • I have a much higher desire for foreplay than my wife, which can be frustrating. She will often reach directly for my penis with no other contact. She will also refuse my attempts at foreplay and insists that she wants me inside instead.
  • Fully naked – lots of body contact and all of the above. Maybe some playtime with toys. Eye contact and romantic conversation. Enjoyed after a bath/shower – in a big soft bed with crisp white sheets. Nothing disturbing our time together.
  • Nothing is more arousing than her arousal, but if the favor isn’t returned at least some of the time, it loses its appeal. I love to please her, but it would be nice if she shared my enthusiasm. I would like foreplay to be mutual instead of one-sided, and I wish it wasn’t required just to get her past her frigidity and exasperation toward the prospect of sex; it’s very disheartening. Foreplay (and afterplay) is supposed to be a mutually beneficial enhancement of our intimacy, not a means to get past her gate-keeping and/or apathy.
  • I’ve found foreplay can be an all-day event and leads to great things.
  • It is really hard to come up with a bad list of things to do during foreplay. I wish we has time to do them all every time.
  • We enjoy varying our experiences. Time, energy, wellness, and privacy also factor into our encounters. It’s all such an incredible gift from God.
  • Let’s do it all!
  • Oddly enough, I prefer more foreplay and my wife likes to get to the main event (her words).
  • Would “Like” to do most of these, and spend the day doing it, unfortunately the reality of having a large young family doesn’t allow, so we make the best of what time we have.
  • Perfect foreplay for me would include everything listed and then some. Not necessarily every time, but all are enjoyable. I wish my wife would verbalize more of what she’s feeling and wants as well as give me the opportunity to tell her what is feeling good and what I want (both need to work on that). I want variety…different positions, locations, length of time, levels of passion & spontaneity – not only with sex, but with foreplay, too. Gradual build-up throughout the day with flirting.
  • We will incorporate just about all of the list when time is not a concern. Don’t know why an orgasm for her would be listed as part of foreplay?
  • Although for #5, additional things that she enjoys and are not listed would also be on my list. I am always ready to learn!
  • I would love to do more oral on her, I am up for it anytime, but we do not do it as much as I would like. Sometimes a 69 would be great too.
  • Sex can happen without foreplay, but it is the most satisfying and defiantly most connecting when we engage in foreplay.
  • There is no one recipe. Some days oral for either or both is great, other days some extended manual stimulation. Is good. I like variety in our foreplay.
  • Anything that gets us both excited is great.
  • There’s pretty much nothing I don’t enjoy or want more of, the more time I can spend with my wife in the sack, the better!!
  • Started using a vibrator for her a few years ago and finally was able for her to orgasm. Now we use it almost all of the time.
  • I would have put an orgasm for her but sex ends with the first orgasm.
  • Verbal flirting and interactions that are arousing would be nice. Mutual masturbation would be a nice tease and warm up.
  • For me foreplay is both of us naked and exploring each of our bodies.
  • Foreplay is often the best part. I focus on her and try to have her Orgasm multiple times before we move on. I wish I was on the receiving end of more of it though. Regardless I love giving her that attention.
  • I would love to take more time with foreplay.
  • More oral for him please
  • Focus of foreplay is usually on her
  • It’s hard to pick a time limit, because sometimes the time we devote to foreplay depends upon how late we get to bed, how early we must get up, how tired one (both) of us is, and mostly how long since we’ve last had sex and how long till we think we might again. If it’s been a week or more and might be a week or more we do everything we can to make sex an event that we’ve carved out plenty of time for. If we’re able to consistently have sex 3 or 4 times a week then sometimes it’s fun to just cut to the main event!
  • She’s like my personal playground. I love to play with her! 🙂
  • Does PIV stand for putting it in the vagina?
  • I love foreplay and wish me and my wife would enjoy it a lot more than we currently do. I ask for foreplay and 95% of the time it doesn’t happen. We have foreplay probably once a month if that. It’s good when we engage in it but it doesn’t happen that often. My wife prefers just to get on with the intercourse and get it over with. We have been married almost 6 years. I wish I could say our sex life has gotten better since then but it hasn’t yet. I’m holding out that it will get better eventually.
  • i like the full body massage listed on the marriage bed site. It is a heat start to foreplay. I really like to take two breaks from the massage one for some nice kissing where she is also allowed to touch me for 3 – 5 minutes and then a second after massaging her breasts where I orally stimulate her breasts after kissing and nibbling on her ears and neck area. Using a good tasting or neutral massage oil lets you really enjoy running your tongue all over her body. I like to complete the massage of course with manual an oral stimulation of her vagina. My wife and I are blessed. We have been married 33 years this year and she can reach orgasm easily for me so she normally has 3 or 4 every time. She will give me oral sex (and it is very very good) but always insists that I cum during intercourse. It really hurts her feelings if I don’t cum inside her.
  • To me foreplay is the best way for me to connect with my wife. Extending it to include as much stimulation and mutual pleasure as possible is my ultimate goal. Unfortunately my wife does not see it that way. She would like for sex to happen and be done – no manual or oral stimulation, just intercourse and there she does everything she can to make me come quickly. It breaks my heart at times to be rushed.
  • I like intimate time with my wife. Why wouldn’t I want it to last a long time
  • I prefer to focus on her pleasure and bring her to satisfaction whether that she decides that includes orgasm for her or not. Our best sex almost always has an hour or more of playing with each other’s bodies in all manners and forms. Including all of the above choices.
  • All of those are good but I wouldn’t expect them to all happen during one session. 🙂





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