User Rating:  / 10
PoorBest 

Wives: Want to be ravished?
584 women have answered
Take the survey

© surveymonkey.com

  • Half of women enthusiastically want to be ravished, while another one in five is willing to try.
  • Only 15 are against it, and only half of those strongly.
  • Women younger than 25 were interested in this, at 61%, while women over 55 were the least interested at 28%. For other ages about half said yes.

© surveymonkey.com

  • Fifty-two present of women say this has never happened.
  • Of those who have been ravished this way, 8% stopped him, and another eight percent did not have a favourable reaction.
  • Just under half of those ravished said it was fantastic. Another quarter said it was good. Eight percent said it was “Okay”.
  • Women under 25 were least likely to have been ravished, with only a third giving a yes answer.

 

The comments on this show the great variety of opinion, from the best sex ever or my secret desire to it could destroy our sex life and it’s not right with God.

 

Women’s Comments:

  • I believe his hesitation comes from being a recovering pornography addict, which has led him to be very critical of his sex drive and desires. He always wants to make sure he's treating me in a way that makes me feel safe, and happy....which means he always asks and evaluates my willingness. I'd love it if he just swept me off my feet and took me. I would see it as being confident in himself and my desire for him, as well as being confident in my love and trust in him.
  • I'd love this. Sometimes I'm not sure if he's really that into me. This would tell me is!! We've been married over 20 years now. I'm higher drive and he has some health issues, but the idea of him just taking me once in a while really turns me on!
  • This is a concept that my husband and I cannot seem to get right in real life. He is too timid. I am bad with surprises.
  • As a person who has seen physical force of the sexual nature imposed on another it is not something I desire.
  • My husband usually doesn't ask. He just starts. I can say no but I usually don't. He usually starts with his hands somewhere non sexual feet legs back or head. And he just keeps going. I REALLY think this works for us because I know for myself if he had asked before he touched me I would probably be resistant about 50% of the time. I home-school four children and until the last 1-2 years sex was never on my mind it just wasn't. I enjoyed it ALOT. But I wasn't thinking about it so if my husband had said do you want to I would have said no. Not necessarily that I wanted to NOT have sex but that I didn't want to either. In light of what I now know about how most women’s sexuality works this seems to be the way to go and if you feel you must ask permission first then ask somewhere later in foreplay.
  • Sometimes I'd love it and sometimes I wouldn't. It would be a turn on, so it may get me in the mood.
  • I think that our relationship is built on mutuality and courtesy. We mutually agree to every intimate physical encounter as that sets up for respect and is good communication. We respect personal boundaries and I think the idea of what is being suggested here, as it was not defined, is rather repulsive to me. It does not seem generous or other centered, but self centered and dominating. It does not seem kind, considerate and seeking the best of the other person, which is what we want in our marriage.
  • As long as we aren't put in a bad situation it would be great.. we would however have to feel totally safe... after all, who among us doesn't love to be desired with passion?
  • We've actually talked about this 3 or 4 times in the past few years. Although he knows I would really really like it and he says it sounds like fun, we both KNOW it's never gonna happen. He's just too nice to 'go there'. I'm guessing that the only one willing to stretch their sexual comfort zone is me. Things like this are too inconvenient/too much work/too much...something for him. I asked to be tied up several times and when he finally conceded to do it, things were so lax that I could untie my ankles with my 'tied' hands. More than ruined that idea and this is the same. I'm not bringing it up again. Bummer for me.
  • Secret fantasy!!
  • You should talk about what the two of you like/would like to try. Establish boundaries. Love each other the way you want to be loved. <3
  • A husband who is assertive or forceful can be a real turn on because the message is that his desire is strong. The delicate trick is not to cross the line into violence or abuse.
  • My husband has permission to "take me" anytime he wants. Most of the time I am happy to let him. If I'm not feeling well, I'll tell him. But usually, even if I don't feel well, I do after getting into things with him. I love the thrill of being surprised by his desire for me.
  • I would LOVE LOVE LOVE this. At least to try. It was one of my fantasies / curiosities before I got married .... but I have no idea how to bring it up. (We have other issues with gatekeeping and a lack of interest.)
  • I'd like it if my husband had a normal sex drive. I'd like it if he wanted sex more than once a week, even if he asked. I'd like to know what it feels like to be desired. I'd like to know what it's like to be married to a man who found me desirable (mine claims he does but never backs it up with actions.) I'd like wives who's husbands have a high sex drive to realize how blessed they are, and how wonderful it must be to be beautiful in his eyes. Being fairly young, fairly attractive, and yet not desirable to your own husband is incredibly painful. He makes me feel repulsive and worthless. Then he acts all sad that I feel that way. It's a horrible, vicious cycle.
  • As long as intercourse isn't immediately forced where the woman isn't lubricated enough it would be ok. If the man pushes with gentleness, soft kisses covering her body, touches those spots he knows turn on his wife, there has to be plenty of foreplay first. Then only once he knows she is ready for intercourse does he move on. Otherwise he risk physically hurting his wife with vaginal tearing and that situation could be devastating to trust and the relationship as a whole. My husband did this once when we were going through a very rough patch. He just kept kissing me even though he knew I didn't want sex. He moved slowly and gently the whole time. I finally relaxed and started responding and in the end it was some of the best sex we have ever had. But he got me emotionally ready before he progressed to intercourse, lots of foreplay is the key.
  • I can see how certain times of the month (around ovulation) that this would be met with the best success.
  • Avoiding humiliation and pain is all I ask (not an issue in our relationship, but just as a general guideline). Everything else is acceptable, desirable, and a compliment to me.
  • This worked great for me, because we have a wonderful sex life and lots of trust in our love. We care and respect one another on a daily basis, so this type of abandon can happen and be fun and exciting. Trust is the key.
  • It depends on what trauma she has experienced, her level of being healed from it, and how implicitly she trusts the love of her husband. I was molested as a child, so the first and only time my husband "ravished" me, I did not take it well. It sent me back to a dark place; I did not experience this as the "romance novel" definition of being ravished. The word itself is a mystery; the same word that stems from "rape" and being "forcibly carried away against one's will" is the same word used to express the emotion of being "joyously enraptured" or "overcome" by a feeling of joy. I have mixed feelings about it. The feminine part of me likes to think of my husband wanting me so badly that he just comes in and rips my clothes off and has his way with me...no explanation. But, the tender part of me - because of my history - knows it has to be done in a way that doesn't leave me feeling disrespected or used. Don't ravish me, then roll over to go to sleep. Ravish me - then afterwards, reassure me. Hold me close; caress me. Show and TELL me that you appreciate me giving myself to you in this way, for trusting in you and your love.
  • The time when it was good was before we had kids, when were a little more 'free' sexually. We have struggled a great deal since having children, mostly because I am very tired most of the time, both physically, mentally, and emotionally. I think if I was romanced a little and was feeling more "in the mood" this is still something I would definitely enjoy. There is nothing that turns me on more than a man acting manly...(I realize that definition changes from person to person).
  • Your description is vague; I am unsure whether the scenario involves a husband just being passionate and dominant (good), or whether the husband would not take NO for an answer (rape). In theory, I would enjoy being ravished. But my bond with DH has basically died, and I just don't yearn for passion from him. There are other men I would love this from, but I have to try not to think about that.
  • I think a background of being forced into situations you did not want prior to marriage (not husband) probably affects the view of it....
  • I don't like the idea of this. It sounds harsh and unpleasant and very far removed from my idea of love and intimacy.
  • We've had a mutual ravishing quickie, but he's never just “taken" me without permission.
  • I only wish he'd do it more... more often & more intently & more intensely & more seriously. It's probably the most exciting & breath-taking feeling (with a big range of emotions inside me) when it's unexpected (or maybe even when a wee bit anticipated - with his playful, but serious threats) when he takes over with all his strong masculinity kicked in & feeling totally over-powering.
  • Being the object of a man's sexual desire is thrilling! I trust my husband completely, so I know that if I was in pain or uncomfortable in any way, he would immediately stop and become tender and caring. That trust can open doors of sexuality I never thought possible. I don't feel used, I feel irresistible. And that turns me the hell on.
  • You need to define ravished verses taken. These are different to me. Ravished has a passionate intent, taken has a selfish intent.
  • He wisely has never tried this! I prefer to keep control of myself and decide when I want to have sex! He has pretty effective powers of persuasion that don't include being belligerent and "taking" what he wants without regard to what I may or may not want.
  • I am not "his" to take, I am his partner!
  • When my husband is feeling strong, confident, capable, I like the idea of this carrying over into sexual situations. However, when he is feeling insecure, tentative and hesitant, I'm afraid I'd feel like he was using me to try to become more confident. This is where my mixed feelings come from. Life stresses are hurting our intimate life.....
  • Maybe - I just want to know I can say no and it would be honored.
  • I like it because I feel beautiful and desired, like he just can't stand another minute without me. It hasn't happened often, I might not like it very often, though. Part of the pleasure is the surprise.
  • I wish he desired me. Period.
  • YES!!!! That would be the sexiest thing he could ever do. I've done this to him many, many times, but he never has. It makes me sad because he would be just magnificent. He's strong! ??
  • Just the thought turns me on.
  • Had to answer "yes but okay" on last question - better answer would be sometimes good and sometimes just okay. It depended on how forceful he was, what my mood was like, and how much he was thinking of himself (sexual fantasy or need for release) or if he was strongly attracted to me at the time.
  • Sex without consent is rape, plain and simple.
  • This only works if the man is confident and convinces that he is madly passionate. He must drive her crazy with pleasure and not act aggressively with only his pleasure in mind as this would be huge turn off. An anxious/unsure man will come across as being inappropriate.
  • If he's reading the mood right, it's good.
  • This was hard for me to answer. DH has done this a couple of times and it was great!! But I have a long history of sexual abuse from previous relationships, so I have very mixed feelings in general. Luckily, he can read me well and the times he has done it were great!!
  • I'd be more than up for it as long as it wasn't just a quickie where he was the only one getting off.
  • He has extremely low testosterone levels so no sexual desire. He has sex with me because he loves me but describes it as "weird". Our sex life is very basic though.
  • I think love making shouldn't be selfish. As much as his body is mine and mine is his, he should be courteous and loving when in the act.
  • It’s the element of surprise and the feeling of being wanted ....without any input from me...wonderful!
  • Scared me almost to tears when that happened. I can see how some may consider it exciting but you must know your spouse's sexual history (abuse, promiscuity, other).
  • Part of me wishes he would do this because it would show me how much he desires me. But the part of me who has been abused says this is not a wise choice. What I wish wholeheartedly is that I knew he desired me.
  • We have a signal ....i leave it for him. That way there is never any miscommunication. It works well.
  • Yes yes yes
  • Would love to know how to get him to be more brave in the bedroom
  • Sounds wonderful....
  • I'm in a sexless marriage against my will for many years. It has been a over year and a half since the last time. At this point, I'm up for anything.
  • Think it would be a turn on if he did it in such a way that is loving and not just to please himself, but to make sure I am pleased too.
  • My question answers were: Yes, please and No he's not tried it. At this point it's a fantasy, I'd have to make the request and have yet to do so.
  • It would make me feel GREAT if he did this!
  • I do not feel this honors God at all.
  • I suspect whether ravishing your wife is a good idea will largely depend on your marriage as a whole. A wife already struggling with sex will probably not appreciate this move. I personally wish my husband would do this. Not every time, but maybe once every month or two. He has become very passive in initiating sex ever since we had kids. I know he does it out of thoughtfulness for me because he knows how tired I am with three littles, but I miss that kind of desire and passion, that "pin me to the wall, have to have me right now" pursuit. I want to be wanted and wanted desperately, instead of always having to initiate myself. (I sound like a guy, lol.) He is always an eager participant once I've made my intentions clear, but every now and then I wish he would just take me, no hesitations. That kind of confidence and desire? Totally hot in my book.
  • Nope, this one is not for me. Brings back bad memories of not having any control over my body when I was young and being sexually abused by a relative.
  • Hot! Hot! Hot! I think ? And that's not from reading or watching anything either.
  • I've purchased outfits second hand before. I let my husband know in advance that he can literally rip it off of me if he wants. It's usually only a 50 cent investment but the pleasure is priceless. After the encounter, I throw the outfit out because it is usually ripped beyond repair. Sometimes, I just want to be taken.
  • Past rape experience s .my husband is always very considerate. He is fearful of triggering a memory.
  • I wish that I could "let go" and enjoy it and trust that he had been thinking about me all day until we did the deed... That's unlikely though because it would make me wonder what he was thinking of or who. I would want to but I'm afraid it would make me feel like I was being used. Wish I had enough trust to believe that he just wanted me.
  • There is a thin line though between enjoying that and feeling abused. Scared to encourage him to do it cause he may do it at a time when I interpret it in the bad light.....
  • I love to be wanted that way!
  • It was soon after we were married. He thought I would like it but I didn't at all. We talked about it afterwards and I had to let him know that I just felt used. He didn't realize this is and was very sorry. He has never done that since.
  • This seems like something that would be sexy in my head, but I wouldn't actually appreciate in real life.
  • My husband almost always waits until I'm ready for sex and start initiating. I wish he would be more eager and "want me now". I think it would be awesome to be "ravished" and "taken"!!
  • For me, loving each other is a gentle an romantic thing... how he demonstrates his love for me. Anything rough or with the appearance of violence would be a real turn off. ML is something we do together, not something he does TO me. There are many other ways he demonstrates his desire for me.
  • I love when my He ravages me!!! I don't have time to think, only react and I usually have some of my best orgasms that way!!!
  • I let him know when I'm in the mood for this kind of thing, which is usually right at the height of my cycle. Then he has permission to do whatever. I usually have to wind him up to it, I.e. Lingerie, handcuffs, etc. it's always consensual.
  • You have to read my mood. You can't just do that any old day, but yea, there are times that works!!!
  • I'm a person who likes to be in control. A manager by day and a mom by night. My husband is a very passive person, but it would be nice if he would "take control" in the bedroom from time to time. Don't ask question, don't second guess yourself, just take me and make wild passionate love to me!
  • I love it when he takes me. I know he loves me and still finds me physically attractive, but there's absolutely no doubt about it when he gently but firmly takes charge. I actually wish he would do it more, sometimes I feel like our love-making is too scripted. By the way, this works both ways; there are many times when I will "take him." It's obviously a bit different, but we women can be just as forceful when we want. I love putting a blind-fold on him and tying his hands to the bed so I can do what I want to him.
  • Playfully this happens, and I love it! If it was serious I think I'd be afraid though, such a fine line of trust and respect, even though I'm married to the kindest most wonderful man. It scares me not because of him but I don't like knowing just how powerless I really am against the wrong man.
  • I want to be pursued, valued, treasured, wanted, and desired. Intentionality is a turn on and exciting!
  • It's possible every man approach this differently, my husband woke me with body kisses......absolutely dreamy experience!
  • There wasn't enough warm up or lubrication, so it hurt. However I love the intensity and being taken! ... As long as there's no pain!
  • I don't mind being the 99%-of-the-time initiator, but I do like it and feel very flattered when he initiates. But not in a caveman, "drag her off to the cave" way. Taking hold of me, kissing me first - pretty rare but boy I appreciate it when it happens.
  • Yes, I like when my husband ravishes me if it is done in love-lust and not cruel selfishness. He has taken me cruel-selfishly and I lay in bed with tears wondering if it was spousal rape because it was done to punish me for arguing with him about his lack of attentiveness to me in the bedroom earlier. Thankfully, things have improved since then and those need-you-now moments are nice....so long as they are balanced with sexy time for me or mutual love making.
  • My husband is very polite, gentle, and respectful sexually. He always makes sure he has my permission before doing anything. While I appreciate these qualities about him, another part of me wishes that his desire for me was so fierce and strong that he could not resist me and that he would be wild with passion for me. Honestly, I wish he had less self-control in his urgency to merge with me. He has very strong morals and controlled his sexual urges when he was single and remained a virgin until he married me. Sometimes I wonder if he just doesn't know that he is free now to just let his passions run wild with me since he restrained himself for so long.
  • Love Love love my husband, I treasure our marriage and our great sex life..with a great sex life, you must have trust, this is a given.
  • I might be more keen if I wasn't pregnant or recovering from labour etc, which I have been for the majority of our marriage.
  • I wish he would "take me" more often. It makes me feel needed and wanted in that moment it's pure passion.
  • A sexually confident husband would be a turn on but it would have to be in a trusting relationship otherwise it could feel selfish on his part!
  • may be a small margin here, but one reason I love it so much is because I'm the one with the higher sex drive. My husband hasn't done this in a few years, and to see him do this would make me feel like he's enjoying our sex life, too. At times I feel like I'm nagging him into bed, though I've never made him do anything beyond his desire. It just gets disheartening. To see him take the lead would do me a world of good on so many levels.
  • Love this! I wish he would do it more often!
  • He's naturally very gentle and a little timid. He doesn't want to hurt my feelings, but I would love him making love to me without permission! Don't most women want to be pursued aggressively?
  • Brought back memories. giggling
  • Occasionally it is allowed.
  • So long as he is not in too much of a hurry to see if I'll make it to "the end". I am post-menopause so sometimes the libido is lacking, but I enjoy playing along none-the-less.
  • .. I think it's only happened once. I felt very wanted. It was very passionate. But he is the low drive one in our relationship so I don't expect it to happen again.
  • I've let him know on multiple occasions that I would really enjoy it, but he won't do it for some reason, which he won't explain to me. :(

 

Men’s’ Comments (men only saw demographic data and the comment section):

  • Most do.
  • My wife does not want me to look at her or be touched, She states that is the way God made her and that is the way it is.
  • Not sure if I want to ask my wife
  • Although a wife may express her desire to be ravished if her response to his advances are predominately negative then it is unlikely she will ever be ravished in the way she desires. In order for a man to ravish a woman (in the right manner) he has to have confidence that she'll be available when he makes such a move
  • They say they do but when they get it they don’t
  • I think my wife wants to be ravished but I'm afraid to offend her if I go too far.
  • I love to ravish my wife!
  • I struggle with taking my wife. for so long the message has been to us men to be sensitive, caring, put her needs first, make sure she is properly in the mood, etc etc etc so while I may want to just throw caution to the wind, force her to put aside the mom role and let her know I am her man and she is my woman, another part of me struggles with second guessing it with her (is this the right time to do this / will she reject me / etc etc
  • I've tried to wow her. She just pushes me away. She makes statements that cut me down when I complement her. Says things that I have never said to her.
  • I think my wife sometimes is too shy to be "ravished"... she likes having sex, but when things get a little "out of the box", she withdraws a little. As a husband, I seek to understand and try to make sex as enjoyable for her as possible, because no matter what kind of sex we're having, I'm happy we're still having sex!
  • I know she doesn't want to be forced I feel she is feels unworthy to feel emotional & physical ecstasy.
  • Sometimes, but the best sex seems to be the slower kind.
  • I just need direction regarding what ravishing entails.
  • This may sound dumb, but I'm not exactly sure what that means. Aggressive sex, husband being forceful (obvious consensual), there's a lot of interpretation involved.
  • There are times I think about ravishing my wife but there are no indicators to have such a day. She says she has no desire for sex period. That hurts.
  • Ask, she may want more than you think. ;)

CMBA

Christian Marriage Bloggers Association

  

Support TMB

razoo-red

Want to Talk?

message-boards

Come join us on the TMB forum. A safe place for Christians to talk about sex.