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Who Enjoys Sex More?

Women and men have answered

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© surveymonkey.com

  • Sixty-nine percent of men say they enjoy sex more than their wife, with two-thirds of those being sure.
  • Twenty-four percent of women say they enjoy it more, with 60% of them being sure.
  • Fifty-one percent of women but only 23% of men think they enjoy sex about as much as their spouse.
  • Age did not have a significant effect on the answers.
  • Given how sex positive our respondents are “I enjoy it more” is to be expected, but the gender difference is rather big. Are men making bad assumptions? Are women not communicating their enjoyment to their husbands?

© surveymonkey.com

  • Eighty-six percent of men say they want it more, with the vast majority sure this is the case.
  • Forty-seven percent of women say they want it more, again with a smaller majority sure.
  • Twenty percent of women but only 7% of men think the two desire sex equally.
  • Again, age did not have a significant effect on the answers.
  • While men are even surer on this one than enjoyment, a larger number of women said they have the stronger drive.

 

Women’s Comments:

  • I don't think it's that my husband doesn't want and enjoy sex, but his stress level with work is so high. I figure this because I notice a definite difference in his drive and playfulness when he's off work for several days. I keep praying he can walk away from this job soon, but he's a good man who wants to be a good provider for his family and another opportunity hasn't arisen yet.
  • Simply a high drive spouse.
  • Sadly my husband is one of those 1 in a billion men who has ZERO interest in sex. It is devastating to me to say the least.
  • Even though he has a slightly higher drive, all our encounters are enjoyed.
  • The desire is there for both of us but he is more physically challenged and needs more rest than I do. When we engage we are both satisfied and connected deeply. Married 45 years coming up in April 2016. I failed to recognize at 18 his deep need to be loved sexually and it wasn't until we were married 35 years into our marriage that I came around to desire fully and engage fully and freely.....
  • It's partly a matter of drive, and partly a matter of desire. My husband has a promiscuous past and (related?) has virtually no interest in me, although he does have interest in others.
  • We both want sex equally. In terms of sex drive, DH is consistent, mine varies, sometimes higher than DH sometimes lower. If you averaged it out in any given month we'd probably be equal or a slight difference with DH having the higher drive.
  • My husband’s seems to be beginning to enjoy sex more, or at least express it more. He is an introvert, I'm an extrovert. Sex was NEVER discussed in his home growing up. So whether I enjoy it more, or am just less afraid to talk about it, we may never know!
  • We share a loving relationship, but my husband just doesn't have any sex drive at all. Since I do, it has been a real problem for me. If I didn't pursue it, we would never do it. One year it was just 3 times.;-( I feel very bad about it. I don't beg or try and get rejected. I feel he knows my needs, I stay up many times till 5 or 6 am, as I just can't sleep. Like right now it's 7:58 am. I lay in bed for almost 2 hours. He knows what keeps me up. I love him so much, but I need more than a best friend from my Husband. I need him, physically. My husband is overweight, because of the size of his tummy, we can't make love like we use to, because his protruding belly keeps him from being able to enter me. I have been left to fend for myself with a toy. Sometimes he loves on me and helps me manually with his fingers. I miss having him inside me with his warm body on mine and his manhood rubbing my clitoris. I feel like I am just imagining that with him every time I masturbate. I know he doesn't have any desire, so I always feel guilty after we do anything. It is just so sad, I feel so bad. Instead of feeling sexy and wanted, I feel like he was just doing me a favor. It really sucks. Of course I don't feel wanted. It is frustrating, I can give him oral, which drives me crazy too, I make love to him with my mouth. He always gets an erection and can climax too. Then never say another word about it. I feel like if it was as good for him as it was for me, he would think about wanting more another day, but he Never does. I just try to be sweet with hopes of him coming around. NEVER Happens. I have looked to see if there is anything I can take, have read about spearmint tea, haven't found any yet. It's said to lower libido. He is my best friend. Oh well, such is life. I read about all these other wives that don't want intimacy and I just can't imagine it. My husband has never had a strong drive but he was a once a monther for years. I am ready after 2 days, but of course can't act on it. I just don't understand how a man can never think about it. Thank you.
  • Wife wanting sex more may not be accurate. We talked recently about him not initiating and having trouble with it because of issues earlier in our marriage. So He may really want it more but not being able to express it. It is getting better though! Love our growth and closeness! :)
  • I am so blessed to be in a relationship where sex is so important to both of us!
  • As a wife whose husband gives me amazing orgasms, I can't imagine he experiences anything close to the pleasure he give me.
  • This is tough. I was the high drive spouse, but since hubby stopped wanting to give me foreplay, oral, and manual, and sex is largely one-sided quickie, and I have fought the battles to no change, I am no longer the high drive spouse. He enjoys it more because it is how he wants it and he gets to climax every time whereas if I don't get there before him, forget it. He wants it more because I don't really want it anymore. I want to make love. He just wants to get his rocks off (his words, not mine.)
  • After going through Menopause it is even more important for foreplay and lubricating to have plenty of time. Often my sweetheart doesn't take that time. I love the teasing and the flirting but things could go slower once we reach the bedroom.
  • I'm not really sure who wants it more... There's an ebb & flow to it. Most of the time I want it daily, but there are some days I'm so "touched out" that I don't want to be touched anymore. Some days hubby wants it multiple times per day. Other times he goes days without mentioning it. No matter, we both usually are happier & more content with daily sex.
  • Husband has no desire. I've lost weight, changed my hair, updated my wardrobe. Nothing has changed.

 

Men’s Comments:

  • I have a low drive so I'm pretty bad about initiating. But oddly enough I probably enjoy it more too.
  • From my perspective, she gets more out of sex. By that I mean her orgasms seem to me to be much more powerful and enjoyable than mine. That being said, she does not WANT to have sex; she thinks up innumerable excuses not to have sex; and when I corner her, she is begrudging about coming to bed with me. So I say I enjoy it more because I want it more. How can you enjoy something you don't really want?
  • We can't be certain, but we often look back to a time when my wife was on anti-anxiety medication, as the time her sex drive diminished. It was almost six years ago. In fact, she stopped using the medication because she didn't like the way it made her feel, and her anxiety was more circumstantial than anything else. Even though my drive is much higher than hers, she very seldom says no when I ask, and she often gets into it after we start.
  • Almost no communication on this hot topic but we both enjoy and desire more and better.....
  • My wife is awesome, and she says "Yes" a lot, but it is still clear that sex is more important to me.
  • Infant circumcision severely limited what I can enjoy compared to my wife. I am glad to have found the issue and to have put a few years into foreskin restoration. Long way to go, but greater sensitivity now than I can ever remember having.
  • Our marriage has been clinically sexless since we started having kids 16 years ago.
  • We are very similar in the area of enjoyment. I may have a slightly higher drive, but not much as she loves the emotional connection that comes with physical connection.
  • It's hard to say really. It isn't as though we both have equal desire all the time, but there are times when either of us want it more than the other, so it's hard to say how it averages out.
  • She does have great orgasms, but doesn't seem to want to initiate.
  • This is a tough survey. I believe I have always been the one wanting sex more. For 40 years I have wanted sex daily. (Or more) And I still do. My wife has never had to ask for sex, although a few times she has expressed her desire. THAT BEING SAID.... About 2 years ago, I asked her why she never initiates sex, doesn't she like it? Her reply floored me. She said she has been initiating for most of our marriage. Hmmm???? I thought... Really???? Then she explained her idea of initiating... that sidewise glance, the kiss from across the room, brushing my arm with her breast as she walks by me in the house. And many other subtle moves that would fire up my desire for her. She KNEW we were having sex on any given night before I did. I am not ready to concede that she wants it more, but I consider the possibility that she does. I also think I enjoy it more, although with her ability for multiple orgasms.. (usually2 or 3 per session, sometimes more and occasionally a lot more) I have to wonder. Anyway, we have a lot of sex, probably average more than once a day over the course of a year, and we enjoy it tremendously. Our Quantity has dropped over the years but the Quality has sky-rocketed!!! Now a question for you... What is your definition of SEX????
  • How blessed I am that my wife and I both enjoy sex. It wasn't always that way, we had to work through both of our pasts. It took a lot of love and understanding. It helped that we are committed to God and to each other.
  • She won't let me make it more enjoyable for her. She resists my attempts to get her to orgasm. She declares that it's not going to happen and I must stop trying. She does not give it enough time. Sometimes I get her there fast enough and she really enjoys that.
  • My wife had a few sexual partners before marriage (she wasn't a Christian until her early twenties), whereas I was a virgin on our wedding night (although I had viewed a fair bit of porn as a teenager). She also came from a rough background growing up, which affected our intimacy on an emotional level. It took us well into the 2nd year of marriage for us to settle many of the issues in our marriage, and I can say only after 4 years of marriage did we start to connect well sexually. She is prone to depression, which doesn't help her sex drive. I am the initiator of sex 95% of the time and would love for us to make love more regularly and with more excitement. It seems like a burden to my wife many times even though I am prepared to do anything she wants and take my time on foreplay. When we visited an imago counsellor last year, the female counsellor met with both of us and then zero'd in on my wife, saying that most of the issues we have had in our marriage are because of her childhood - growing up in a love-less home and with verbally abusive parents who didn't model marriage well for her. After 6 years of marriage, I am still praying for her to open her heart to me fully and enjoy the act of marriage with me.
  • Early on in our marriage, my wife and I were about equal in desire. However, our timing was off: when she wanted it, I didn't. So I would say "I’m tired, I have an early morning tomorrow." After a half a dozen times of being rejected, she slowly stopped initiating and offering. Now I’m trying to bring things back. But it's a lot of work. Better to do the work early on. This is one of the things I try to help young husbands with: don't neglect your wife's needs.
  • Wife likes sex about every 10-14 days. I do every other day.
  • Still battling with effects of sexual abuse she suffered as a child and in college.
  • I definitely want it more and I think I enjoy it more. She seems to be satisfied with once a week, if I'm lucky. When she does want it, however, she makes it very clear she's interested. We've had numerous conversations about increasing the frequency and she promises to try and do better, but nothing happens.
  • I think my wife is suffering from hypothyroidism or hormonal insufficiency due to pre menopause. We have some issues but I think something like this is causing her fatigue, moodiness, and lack of libido.
  • I think this many newlyweds will relate, my wife is 23 and I'm 32, however we barely having sex we have sex like once a month if I'm lucky and when I come onto my wife its always the same excuses "I'm tired, no, I'm not in the mood, why do you always want/think sex, I have work tomorrow morning " she's even went as far as to calling me a sex addict! I always knew those excuses are not entirely true because I do most of the cleaning in the house, cooking etc... Last time we had sex was December 2015 that's also the last I saw her naked. I love my wife, she's so beautiful but I don't get to enjoy what the lord has blessed me with. And the temptations are coming in from a girl I wanted to date before her. Getting tempted to watch porn and I have a few times already, and masturbating more now. I’ve tried speaking to her a few times I even told her about the porn temptations there was change for like a few weeks then back to old ways again. I'm just praying now. Only God can change this.
  • We really don't discuss sex much at all. She says that she enjoys sex and wants it frequently, but her actions (or inactions) make that difficult to believe.
  • Hard to know who enjoys it more. I would think if she enjoyed it more she would want it more. But that probably doesn’t hold up with the biological differences.
  • Hard to say who enjoys sex more, men or woman. None of us has experienced an orgasm as the other sex. I think, based on observation, that a woman's orgasm is more intense than a man's, but my enjoyment of getting my wife to that point and watching her in the midst of ecstasy, is very intense as well.
  • My wife has no overall desire for sex, or sexual pleasure of any kind. I'm without a doubt the one who enjoys and desires sex more in the relationship. And no, I'm not content with that.
  • My wife says she wants to have more sex but finds excuses not to. I'm not saying they're invalid excuses, they're important to her. I am more willing to give up some things more easily then she is.
  • It hasn't always been this way, I wanted sex more than my wife. I finally just gave up even asking for it. I'm not sure what has changed, but because of being turned down my drive also has gone down. Now it seems her drive has gone up and mine is down to the point I can take it or leave it. Still a little frustrating.
  • She enjoys it when we have it but I'm the one pursuing it and if I didn't intentionally ask for it or seek it out it wouldn't happen as often. At least I think. I don't want to stop and experiment so to speak and see how long before she starts initiating
  • I am always able to give her great pleasure, when she's willing to have sex with me. The last 5 years or so, she says "I don't even like you...don't touch me."
  • When we have sex, she enjoys it. It is just tough to get her to want to have sex. We usually get once a week.
  • My wife generally seems to be content without sex, however when she is really turned on she takes control and seems to enjoy it If enjoyment is shown by frequency then I enjoy it more, however when all is going well I think she enjoys it more than me.
  • I want sex way, way more - but wife seems to enjoy it more while I struggle.
  • How does one measure who enjoys sex more? If it by length of time of arousal, intensity and length of orgasm, and/or frequency of orgasm, then certainly my DW enjoys sex more than I do. My DW clearly enjoys our times of physical intimacy but doesn't look forward to them or seek them as often as I do. Perhaps it's like my relationship with the Lord, I get more out of my times of intimacy with him than he does, but he desires intimacy with me more than I do. It is a mystery for sure!
  • My wife never wants to have sex. She makes me feel like intimacy is meaningless to her.
  • If the husband does not initiate sex then it doesn't happen and is never missed by the wife, no matter how long it has been since the last encounter.
  • My wife totally enjoys sex, but she doesn't crave it or fantasize about it. She is good about recognizing how important it is to me and our marriage and works hard to never reject me. But I'm certain it's clear that I'm the one who likes it more since I'm the only one who looks forward to it, thinks about it, is a student of it, and needs it to function at a high level as a husband, father, and worker.
  • Years ago she wanted sex more than I did. Then I wanted more than she did. We are both on the same page now and both wanting it equally.
  • When we have sexual intimacy, I believe we both have a great time. However, my wife with chronic health issues only feels well enough (or low-pain, I can't say pain-free) enough for intimacy once or twice a year.
  • DW has stated she has little sexual desires and will not have sex unless and until she does. Those times are rare.
  • My wife is low drive and has low interest in sex. We have sex 2-3 times a week because she knows I need it but she doesn't orgasm very often. If she does orgasm it’s because she anticipated sex which isn't very often. Sometimes I feel there is nothing I can do to turn her on or to have her desire me sexually. I’m praying that someday this change.
  • Desire and frequency change over the years but enjoyment is getting better than the beginning. Every year is better than the last year so far.
  • ed creates major difficulty.
  • Was always me (husband) for the first ten or so years, but DW has had an awakening the last few and especially the last few months. She is very orgasmic and has opened up to more variety, to enjoying oral again, to positions and location, and just more of everything in general. She initiates more now as well. So what was definitely me is now only "husband I think" - and that's a great thing!
  • I am sure that my wife would say that she enjoys our encounters more than I do, and I would agree as her orgasms are amazing and much more pleasurable than mine. However, I thoroughly enjoy bringing her that pleasure. In fact, I get much more pleasure out of pleasing her than from what I receive. I believe that this more than makes up for the difference in the pleasure level of our orgasms.
  • My wife LOVES when I pleasure her but I usually have to start.
  • We have a great sex life. Putting the other ahead of ourselves is key.
  • I love having sex with my wife. But, I think she enjoys it more. I mean, c'mon, multiple orgasms. Need I say more?
  • This is tough to answer. She is OK with far less sex than I am, but gives her body even when she is not in the mood. Is one of us were to die, I would definitively miss her much more than she would miss me if I died. And not only sexually.
  • Wife just goes through the motions. I want her to enjoy it more but she won't tell me what to do differently. Makes it hard for me to enjoy so that makes it equally bad for both of us.
  • We have fun.

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