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What words do you use for sex?

233 Women and 368 men have answered
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  • Most couples are using a mix of word types.
  • One in five limit themselves to proper/scientific words. This was most common for those who said following Jesus was a big deal to them, with 21% of the group selecting this choice.
  • Private slang is the most common, reported by 64% of women and 55% of men.
  • Forty-seven percent of women and 41% of men use some hard slang.
  • Adding those who use only soft slang and those who use hard slang, 94% of women and 95% of men use some form of slang.
  • Not talking about sex (no words) was five times more common for non-Christians and moderate Christians then for the two groups more serious about following Jesus.
  • Hard slang is used by 42% of those most serious about following Jesus – only one point lower than for all respondents.

© surveymonkey.com

© surveymonkey.com 

  • Couples are less likely to use hard slang for body parts than for sex acts.
  • Couples are twice as likely to limit themselves to proper/scientific terms for body parts as they are for sex acts.
  • Couples are more likely to use private slang for his sex organs than for her’s.
  • How serious people were about their Christianity has no significant impact on answers here.

© surveymonkey.com

  • Soft slang was slightly more common here than anywhere else.
  • Again, how serious people are about following Jesus made no real difference on this.

© surveymonkey.com

  • Almost two thirds of men and women felt hard slang was fine between husband and wife.
  • Eighteen percent of men and 16%of women felt hard slang was disrespectful.
  • In about 20% of marriages at least one spouse feels hard slang is wrong. Women are slightly more likely to feel this way.
  • Thirty percent of women and 34% of men say the use of hard slang is a turn on.
  • How serious people were about following Jesus has some effect here, with 18% of the most devout saying they both felt it was wrong. Eight percent of the second most devout group and 4% of the least devout Christians felt it was wrong. No non-Christians felt it was wrong.

 

Would you say you are a Christian/Follower of Jesus?

  • 79% of men and women said they follow Jesus, and it’s a big deal to them.
  • Two and a half percent of women and one and a half percent of men said they do not follow Jesus.
  • Five percent of women and three and a half percent of men said they are followers, but not in a big way.
  • Ninety-four percent of the respondents said are serious about following Jesus.
  • A majority of the non-Christians were under 25 years of age.

 

Women’s Comments:

  • I think it's fine. We just don't use hard slang. It's not a part of our vocab.
  • My husband is a minister and so this is something we don't discuss openly with others as some people feel it is sinful.
  • My husband and I have three girls under the age of 7 and tend to use the scientific terms when explaining to them about their bodies or where their baby sister came from. We tend to use soft or privet slang terms when talking to each other.
  • I'm unsure if it's okay, but we do use slang terms.
  • Regarding #8, I don't like hard slang, but don't feel it's a moral issue if some people do like it. Even if my husband liked it, I would not use it for him (or I would try and would struggle) because it makes me uncomfortable and cheapens sex in my eyes. Fortunately, he doesn't like it.
  • I don't really like any of the words used for sex. We generally refer to it as, "feel good". We'll ask each other to make us feel good, ask if we can help the other person feel good, etc. I like this because it expands the sexual experience and takes the pressure off of just intercourse. I struggle with pain during intercourse so we get creative.
  • Never intentionally thought about it. I was a virgin when we married and he wasn't, so I kind of took his lead.
  • I don't regard it as profanity when used for its actual meaning - just like dog breeders who use "bitch" to describe their female dogs
  • We use a variety of terms (mostly hard slang) our private terms to reference things are do dirty, feeling friendly, do boom boom, he has a peepee, and she has a hoohoo. During the act it's strictly hard slang and we like it that way!
  • All sex talk is kept private so we feel free to use whatever words we like.
  • There are things about marital sexuality that are meant to be private. We don't use terms that 'cheapen' our intimacy- for us that includes anything that could be used as a curse word.
  • We are not comfortable using course words.
  • I grew up with a lot of sexual stigma related to hard and soft slang that made it feel dirty. It's taken a lot of healing from Christ to know that being intimate is ok with my husband and that the slang terms don't have to be negative. My husband is entirely understanding and respectful about it, and extends a lot of grace to me for using proper words rather than slang.
  • We are recently married and a dirty word just came out from him in the heat of the moment and I was shocked. I use it too only in the heat of the moment and there was nothing else to express what I was feeling/ needing
  • I think so long as couples agree on boundaries then whatever language you use is fine.
  • Mostly, we just haven't spoken about all the language we're comfortable with yet. I don't like most hard slang because it generally doesn't apply to our situation. I can't fuck my husband; it stands for Fornicate Under Common Knowledge. Marriage is specifically not fornication. We're perhaps a bit too literal like that. Haha. Seriously, though, it does sometimes hurt the mood to use terms that are too proper -- that's something I've been meaning to talk to the husband about.
  • We use different types of terms depending on the setting. The private terms are my favorite though. No one else has to know what you're up to when you casually ask your spouse, "Can you help me get something out of the storage closet later?"
  • We use words that are alluring and inviting, full of desire and respect.
  • The use of hard slang degrades the sacred act of love making and intimacy between husbands and wives. Society has cheapened sex and made it into something that God never desired and certainly never designed sex to be. We honour Him with our lips and choose our words carefully.
  • In front of our kids we say things like "let's have some extra curricular activities later"
  • I hate the f-word, but find myself wanting to say it when I am highly aroused. It sends a surge of arousal.
  • God gave sex to married couples as a beautiful gift that is like glue for the man and woman. Harsh slang words do not belong in our marriage as it takes away the beauty. I believe curse words or speaking in a vulgar manner would be disrespect towards God.

 

Men’s Comments:

  • As long as this is private conversation between only us, we feel it doesn't violate the marriage bed.
  • Hard slang is degrading to the beautiful act that we have the privilege of enjoying. Sex is a gift from god for us to enjoy.
  • When we were first married, we used more proper terms, but over the years, we've begun using more and more slang terms. For us, they work since they express the directness and earthiness of how we feel about sex and having sex with one another. Since we keep it private, we have no problem using that earthy Anglo-Saxon vocabulary with one another...
  • There are words that are off-limits for us (including the f-word) but within the safety of our marriage there are many other words that we use and enjoy. Sometimes the best words/terms we use are ones we make up. Just like sex they become our own thing.
  • We had friends that pray after they have sex, we had a lot of respect for that. We talk extremely dirty and love it. We feel it adds to sex but not sure God enjoys it :)
  • Could have used more examples on what the different terms were. My wife doesn’t think it’s wrong, she just doesn’t like the big slang words
  • Doing this survey made me realize that my spouse does not ever really refer to my penis. I will have to ask her about that. Hmmmm
  • Doesn't matter what I think if she doesn't like it. There are some terms I would never use, but there are some that in a private, sexual context, I'm Ok with as it excites me. But if it doesn't excite her, then what's the point?
  • We use the word "close" for intercourse.
  • Sexless marriage for 4 years
  • I suppose my attitude is that if I wouldn't be comfortable being overheard using certain language then I shouldn't use it.
  • The hard slang is used sparingly by both of us, and usually has the effect of spicing up our intimacy. As sparingly as we use it, it can be a little shocking in a sexy way! More often, we use clinical or private slang terms.
  • She doesn't like it.
  • I use words to turn her on. We also have fun/laughs using various euphemisms, usually inspired by various conversation or the time of year. We laugh because they don't make much sense, but they make you think about sex. (Ex. during Christmas we'll joke about "decking her halls" or "fa la la la-ing her la")
  • We don't use the "F" word anywhere outside of the marriage bed... but when we do to talk about sex, it conveys such a primal urgency that turns both of us pretty dramatically. We also felt more comfortable with slang terms for body parts--seems more natural and so much less clinical... We're still learning to talk "sexy", so to speak, but we had great progress in this in 2014.
  • I am very open and willing to use whatever words are mutually enjoyable. My wife is very inhibited and as such we either do not talk about these types of things or we use very cold and clinical terms because that is all she is comfortable with. She does not think good Christians should use passionate words.
  • My wife and I are very private about our sex life. What we say and do is private and neither of us ever does anything that makes the other uncomfortable. God intended us to enjoy and please each other as husband and wife.
  • Re: #8 - As long as the proper respect of the marriage is maintained, The Marriage Bed is Undefiled.
  • Many of the modern slang terms seem so crude and demeaning for something so special and meaningful. Using such terms seem so wrong and are a definite bucket of ice water on intimacy.
  • My wife and I both believe when we use some hard slang words that we are redeeming them from their secular 'trashy' context for what we know to be right and only between us. We don't use words that we feel are derogatory or animalistic to describe each other, because the meaning is not something we'd use to describe how God made us or the gift of sex. We are always trying to find ways to make our vocabulary expressive of the good things God has given us in sex, and so that's our context.
  • My bride is most comfortable using anatomical terms, even in private, (note: we are both doctors and use these terms with our patients daily) with some soft or private slang during intimacy. I prefer not to use anatomical terms between us because I feel it takes away from the intimacy. Slang is something that I reserve for us. I am more comfortable with hard slang than my wife. To me it conveys more passion and emotion. The only profanity that we use is "F" and that is used as a verb, which I personally feel that using a name of an action is not profane like as an adjective. Just as the bible uses the word "damn". Oddly, my bride is more comfortable using that verb than hard, or even most soft, slang.
  • We try to use only words and terms that reflect the goodness and importance of these things to our marriage in a positive way.
  • Talking about sex and all things sex, was a 'sorting or selection' criteria I used when dating women after my failed marriage to the most beautiful sexy intelligent desirable woman - who could easily and preferred to live without sexual intercourse or anything sexually physical. It was the most horrible, spiritually confusing time of my life. After extensive therapy and bible study, decided that any woman in a serious relationship with me would have to 'love' all things sexual, like me. Was amazed at how many women I dated could not speak about sex. How many said that it was not important, or not important to marriage...I became a bit of a scientist/researcher at this discovery. My own emotional maturity and ego settled enough to ask these probing questions and have fascinating conversations with about 50 different women over 4 or 5 years...and to discover the large differences in ability to have mature conversations and individual preferences. In the end, my new wife, my bride for life, has matching preferences to mine....and together we know the freeing, life-giving, bonding power of sex in a marriage and all things relational. Looking back, hopefully others reduce their ego, seek healing and forgiveness, and embrace one of God's great gifts to us.
  • I don't feel that choice of words has been a problem for either of us. My wife has told me though that she doesn’t particularly care for really hardcore dirty talk in bed.
  • We did not use anything but clinical terms for years. But as we grew to see that words are simply that- words- we started to realized that clinical terms are for clinics, that we needed to move on to something more personal. We came up with our own slang and over time found that even slang that the rest of the world uses felt appropriate in the moment. But this is "our" language of intimacy together. Neither of us would use it to speak about sexuality with our children or with others.
  • We use them all. No problem with any in private. All in good fun. They're just words.
  • What is not done in faith is sin. Eroticism is something the devil has tried to convince the church not to experience, but within the context of a servant-lover marriage, it releases the wild sexual desires that God put within us to enjoy.
  • The marriage bed (bedroom) is a sacred and special place. We use any and all language romantically in the privacy of our bed (bedroom) when intimate.
  • Wrong is what you make wrong. It has no power except for what you give it.
  • Between two who love and understand what's being communicated it's ok. Would avoid disrespectful terms or where there may be miscommunication.
  • The more intense the sex is, the "harder “the slang:)
  • Depending on the mood the words change.
  • We use private comical terms for those.
  • Not quite sure of the definitions but while having sex, dirty talk is on the table. Obfuscation doesn't have a place while having sex.
  • We use a wide variety of terms to convey our "message" to each other. All slang and profane are fair use. However I can't seem to call her genitals by the "C" word. I also cannot recall a time that she has used it either. I also can't say any of the words in themselves have ever been a turn-on
  • Both of use especially use slang words leading up to and during the sex act. The majority of the time we use scientific and/or private terms.
  • Words matter, always. Hard Slang, for example, carries an undertone of negativity even if you smile and laugh while using it. In the quiet times, when someone is unsure of their relationship, they remember those words. It doesn't matter if harm was the intent, sooner or later harm will be the result. Make absolutely certain that the words you use can only and always be thought of as loving.
  • I would think it communicated intensity and excitement if my wife used hard slang with me. But I think it would make her feel like someone who could be tossed aside when I was done with her if we engaged in physical activity using the same terminology as people in that situation. Granted, I haven't talked to her about this. I'm just taking what I know of her and extending it to this subject. For all I know, she may really think our current terminology is immature and passionless like I do, and she holds back because she thinks I'm too pure to hear such talk, but I doubt it.
  • Hard slang depends on situation.
  • As long as the slang is not derogatory, offensive to one of the people and it not mentioned in the Bible as a sin it is not wrong. The Bible speaks if using His name in vain, that may be a narrow view but if the Bible dies not mention it us it our interpretation that makes it wrong?
  • We often use the private slang "boink" for sex.
  • It's all about the intent. When we use harder slang terms, it not with the intent to be crass or disrespectful, but to express positive feelings.
  • We use it between us and nowhere else. It's something we discussed before doing it.
  • My wife and I don't talk about it much. It's weird
  • As long as both spouses are completely comfortable, I see nothing wrong with using whatever terms best convey their feelings/needs/desires etc. Even hard core profanity, if used in that context wouldn't be inappropriate in my opinion, as long as it's not done in a way that makes others aware of aspects of their private sexual relationship, or in a way that makes others uncomfortable. My wife and I have developed a personal slang that we use, largely because that's what fits our sense of humor and that's what we're comfortable with.
  • As a guy, both the visual and audio of sex are turn ons. Both are needed and should be used. Clinical terms are cold and sterile. Slang is great.
  • Would like to use other words, but feels a little silly and/or vulgar.
  • Sometimes it hard to differentiate what you mean by soft slang. For example, we don't say we're going to have sex, we say we're going to make love. We will refer to my scrotum as balls. We will say blow job, etc. not vulgar terms.
  • Sexless marriage for 4 years
  • Privately I would say not a sin but I feel that in our relationship, taking into account my wife's feeling about cursing, that it would be disrespectful and wouldn't work for us.

 

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