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Was Your Sex Life Better in 2014?

108 women and 268 men have answered
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© surveymonkey.com

  • A third of those surveyed said they had the best sex of their marriage in 2014.
  • Half said 2014 was better than 2013.
  • Six percent of men and women said they are in a sexless marriage.

 

Gender differences

The totals look similar for men and women, but when we look at length of marriage we find a significant difference.

  • Best year ever is rare for women married less than 15 years.
  • For women best year ever is increasingly common for the next four age categories. In the oldest category two thirds said, it was their best year ever, while a third said it was about the same. (This fits with studies showing women generally see a significant improvement in marriage and sex life after 15 years)
  • For men ”best year ever” was highest (50%) among those married less than three years. For the next three age categories about a third of men said 2014 was the best ever. Best ever dropped to about 20% of respondents for those men married more than 20 years.
  • For women “worst year ever” was most common among women married 3-9 years, chosen by 27%. Twenty-one percent of the women married less than three years gave this answer. Beyond this “worst ever” was not selected by women except for one woman married 25-29 years.
  • For men “worst year ever” was most common amount those married 3-9 years (21%)
  • Worst ever was most common for both men and women married 3-9 years. The answer was least common for those married less than three years and those married more than 35 years. For other lengths of marriage 10% to 15% said 2014 was their worst year ever.

 

Women’s Comments

  • We're not technically sexless, but we only have sex 3 times a month, despite only being married for about a year. Nothing I can do can change that, and my husband has said on several occasions that he doesn't see me in a sexual way.
  • Great. I love to have sex with my husband!
  • It took an almost disaster for us to actually get to know each other. Now that we've shared our thoughts and desires - sky is the limit. We've never felt so close! After 23 years, and at ages 50 & 52 - who would have thought?!
  • In 2013 I had 6 kidney surgeries and hubby didn't have much time for intimacy. So 2014 was better but he's still a gate keeper. Once a week or less is very frustrating. I seriously considered divorce when he couldn't love me in sickness and we did separate for a short while.
  • I was pregnant for most of the year (Feb-Oct) so he wasn't into it as much.
  • The more time we spend together the closer we get, our level of intimacy deepens and the sex just gets better! It's how God planned it to be!
  • Finding themarriagebed.com was very helpful to me in 2014. Thanks!
  • I love how are sex life improves every year. It's such a blessing!
  • I still have dreams that it will continue to get better as we share and explore and give to one another. The frequency is much less than our first few years, but considering in our 20 years, we had 5 that no physical intimacy occurred, I am glad we are active and increasing.
  • I can no longer live in the make believe world where I assume my husband is not looking at & masturbating to pornography. My carefree days of being open sexually to him ended when I discovered his hidden world. I cannot give myself freely to someone that is not trustworthy.
  • I discovered how important it is to support my adrenals to keep my libido in existence. I only came upon this in late 2012, so 2013 was really great. I protect my adrenals at all costs these days, particularly being slow to exhaust myself with exercise, which used to be my passion. Now I have to find the balance because I'm larger (and less fit) than I was in 2012 & I don't like that. But our sex life (and consequently our relationship) is so much better! (Assuming this is anon if posted anywhere.)
  • We are two years post-adultery and we are both trying to save our marriage. Although sex has been difficult at times, it truly is better than ever. We have an openness about everything, including sex, that either did not exist before, or was guarded. There is nothing that we don't talk about, so even though we still hurt and have scars from adultery, our marriage in many respects is truly genuine in all areas. It's two people investing and being intentional in marriage instead of mostly one. Please pray for us as our desire is for the Lord to restore to us what was taken and make our marriage whole and anew. Beauty for ashes. Thank you...
  • It just keeps getting better and better as time goes by!
  • We attended a marriage retreat that changed everything. Praise God!
  • Our frequency was lower than either of us would like (and lower than it's been for several years). However, the quality was spectacular.
  • Unfortunately my husband has very low drive. I suffer silently...
  • We need more sex in our marriage.
  • Best ever -- We discovered my G-spot and I had my first (of many) whole body orgasm(s). I had always had orgasms from clitoral stimulation but I was never able to climax from penetration alone. Recently while playing with some toys, I had my first G-spot orgasm. After a little more experimentation, we discovered how to make me have a combo, both internal and external, orgasm. I had never experienced anything like this. It starts simultaneously internally and in my clit and spreads through my core to my breasts and then my whole body. Sometimes it goes on for many minutes and my whole body shakes uncontrollably until I am totally spent. The afterglow lasts for hours. And now my husband and I have positions that get his penis to touch just the right spot so that I can experience it regularly through intercourse. Doggie and reverse cowgirl seem to be the most reliable but variations like over the arm of the sofa or standing sometimes work as well. Needless to say, my husband thrilled that he can make me climax like this. He knows that I'm his forever.
  • The biggest changes only happened in the last half of December. I cannot wait to see what 2015 brings :)
  • Now empty nesters so sex is when and where we want it, Fantastic! We have sex several times a week and sometimes several times on weekends when we have more time. I love to tease my husband by letting him see me putting on sexy lingerie for date nights or sending provocative sexting messages while he is at work. We find that if he's aroused for most of the day and I get him close to climaxing several times before he finally ejaculates, his orgasms are stronger, longer lasting and are more voluminous. We both love that. It's taken a while to learn but I we are both much more satisfied that ever before.
  • We had really good sex but less of it this past year because of a lot of emotional upheaval with loss and stress (outside our marriage but directly affected our marriage.) Depression really does impact libido.
  • Did the 30 days of sex loved it We love sex.
  • The quality was out of this world..."life" had its impact on quantity!!
  • Once we decided to communicate more. Our sex life has improved each and every year Oh what fun.
  • The reason why our sex life decreased in number was because I got off birth control to try and conceive again. In doing that, we had to wait for my periods to get back into their normal cycle. I was have 2 week periods and that's why it decreased compared to 2013.
  • I've been pregnant or recovering from our baby's birth for the majority of this year which has not helped our sex life in the slightest!
  • Resolution for 2015 is to have it daily!
  • It just gets better and better!
  • We've been married only one year, and the first eight months or so were very difficult. I experienced a lot of physical pain and could achieve orgasm but often did not. I struggled with trying not to deny my husband while under the pressures of much stress at work. We wanted to give up several times. I was crushed that I couldn't be the sexy, generous wife I had dreamed I would be and that my husband was suffering for it. My husband was extremely caring and patient, but he didn't know what to do for me and was very frustrated. I felt abandoned by God in this area. With persistence, we have finally figured out what works for us, and we consider our sex life to be successful and God-honoring. That's why I selected "better but not best": we've made huge progress, but I'm sure it's not the best we could do. The best is yet to come!
  • Had some health issues, but things are improving.

 

Men’s Comments

  • I admitted to having an emotional affair with a friend of mine. The young lady was 10 years my (and my wife's) junior. We went to counseling in August (where it was also revealed that my wife had been intimate with some guys about 10 years ago...) and left determined to fix the marriage and somehow. Through all of the fighting (which was the absolute worse in our 23 year relationship.... We were high school sweethearts...) and arguing and crying... We've had sex almost every day since! We met at 16 and 17 and are 40 and 41 today and have never been this sexually active. Our sex life and determination to stay together has definitely made 2014 the best sex year of our lives...!
  • Much of the same and a lot felt obligatory.
  • I have been following the generous husband material for the last two months and it seems to be improving our relationship and sex life. Thank you!
  • 2014 was definitely the best year ever, but given where we started a decade ago, anything is an improvement. Things are on the up and up, so I expect 2015 to be the best ever, again.
  • Wife going to grad school and new jobs for both of us. Just not as much time, connection, or energy.
  • More trust, more exploration, more love.
  • Almost completely sexless. I'm devastated.
  • We rediscovered things that turned things around in the bedroom. My wife understanding that I truly have sexual needs and being willing to meet those needs regularly was great. Marriage had always been very good, but we moved to great as we were like horny teenagers looking for any reason to get naked and get busy! We also discovered new things about each other sexually that made each of us better lovers.
  • We had a baby at the end of last year so this year had its ups and downs because my wife was more tired a lot of the time (understandably so); we still made time for some good sex and made some wonderful memories. It was good enough that we're having another baby next year. ??
  • My wife was pregnant for most of 2013. So, the "repopulate the earth" hormones were in full effect from March to July of that year. This year wasn't bad. We both have agreed that we need to step up the frequency. With the help of TGH, I hope to make it a much better year for her!
  • I tracked it for the last 2 years on a phone app. This year was down from the previous year but the quality seems in my mind to have gone up
  • Working on improving it. But have a feeling about to take major step back.
  • Both of us were on HRT for about four months and it was ROCKIN' during that time but back in the dumps now. ??
  • Best wife ever.... Love her to the end and back ..... Just Wish she would give herself to me behind closed doors.
  • Wife's fibromyalgia is reducing opportunities to snuggles and more. Too tired, in pain, etc
  • I attribute this to the discoveries of coconut oil, shaved groins, and performing post-coital cunnilingus.
  • Things change as we age it is getting better with the kids not home as much.
  • You're missing a question to show where the bar was for 2013. You don't know if people are going from bad to good, good to bad, great to good, good to great. Up or down isn't really telling you anything. It was our best year ever, but that's from great to greater.
  • And the best is still yet to come
  • It was the best yet, but that's not saying very much, still a long way to go in my book.
  • Studying what God desires for a relationship has elevated sex to something that is greater than I ever thought possible.
  • During 2014, I gave up porn and have been working on changing my bad habits along with improving my spiritual life. Also been working on better communication with spouse, generosity to her, and improving intimacy in our marriage. Anticipating 2015 to be the best year ever (until 2016 that is!).
  • Thanks for your blog. It has helped me to treat my wife more like I should with one of the results being a better sex life!
  • Sex once in the year: 1/18/2014. Have given up.
  • Persistent poor attitude regarding sex and chronic gastrointestinal problems that easily facilitate avoidance/refusals by DW.
  • Small kids at this point in our marriage hopefully means the best is yet to come in a few years.
  • Worse because we had our second child.
  • I finally told her I needed it three times a week to not masturbate because it left me feeling angry and abandoned and left me with emotional barriers in other forms of intimacy.
  • Frequency went up a little but still issues.
  • We had more sex (no kids conceived or born this year), but we're still less than twice a week on average. Variety has always been pretty good, but this year there was more instances of special encounters (lingerie or a toy or something special). We're looking forward to 2015!
  • Twice a year. Not birthday or Valentine’s Day or Anniversary. Just 2 normal days that she picked.
  • More frequent, more adventurous, more passionate, more intimate. The only thing I'd want more of is more initiation by her and more oral sex for both of us.
  • Each year it gets better and better. As we age we become more comfortable with each other and willing to allow ourselves to become better lovers.
  • Thanks you played a part in challenging the norm.
  • The problem is not frequency, (at least every other day), but obesity. We lose our salvation by failing to keep our bodies disciplined, 1 Cor. 9:27. The reason ministers won't study this is because ministry is the second most obese profession in the USA.
  • Improves every year as we get more in tuned to our bodies, our intimacy and to each other.
  • I'll keep this brief so I don't end up ranting, but 2013 wasn't very good for sex and 2014 was slightly better. That is only because my wife and I were trying to make a baby and as such, we did have more sex, but only around ovulation. The frequency I had desired before was happening, but only because we were trying to make a baby. And once she got pregnant, the sex has nearly stopped completely. Maybe after the baby comes 2015 will be better.
  • 2015 will be better. We have decided to communicate better about our sexual needs.
  • While frequency is holding level at about 1/week the variety is non-existent and it's become predictable and routine. Tried to make it better but was rebuked at every turn by my wife. Told to stop visiting TMB and other bloggers to try to improve it. Not looking good for 2015 either.
  • Early in the year, things were looking like it would be record breaking sex frequency. Unfortunately, with some health issues, it started to dwindle. Then the year ended with wife not interested in the amount of effort it takes....like the 5-20 minutes (on her watch) to have intercourse. Rather she would spend hours playing Internet games or watching tv. Very discouraging. Hoping for a change in 2015.
  • Four times is better than zero, making 2014 our second best year ever.
  • Better than the previous 25 or so years but still no sex.
  • Best year ever thanks to TMB! We've always had good sex several times a week but my wife started following TMB early last year and has really turned the corner on being "Sex Positive". She has realized that she can use self-pleasure to better understand what works for her and is now communicating that to me. Also, she now incorporates oral into our love making. While she's only had me climax in her mouth a couple times - she says she doesn't like the taste - she has developed great technique with her lips and tongue to get me very close and then ends with her hands or PIV. Conversely, she's now able to give me some guidance to make her climax orally while I use my fingers or an internal vibrator to satisfy her urge to have something fill her when she climaxes. She's even experienced up to three orgasms before we finish. This never happened before. Our goals for 2015 are to explore more positions, have sex in places other than the bedroom and at various times of the day. We also want to get my wife to continue to have multiple orgasms, five is our goal. Pray for our success!
  • Every year just seems to get better! Maybe practice makes perfect!
  • Seen an increase in variety.
  • We had our third child, and during pregnancy, my wife really doesn't desire sex at all. And then after she was born, our frequency has dropped to probably once every two or three weeks because of how tired she gets. I'm hoping things change soon... But I'm not sure how much I can really expect moving forward.
  • My choice of "worst year ever" does not mean it was all bad, just declining from better years.
  • None of the responses really fit. Age is a factor along with illnesses. Our communication continues to be poor. I'm tired of being the only initiator. Barely got a happy New Year’s kiss, fighting with & about adult kids. Hard not to envy the couples who have it worked out. I just keep praying!
  • Very little amounts of sex.. We started the year off great! But I'd say there were gaps of 3-4 months of no sex...TWICE! Still in one of those sexless gaps... My wife think if we have sex for 2 weeks straight that should hold me over for the next 3-4 months... It's miserable
  • We continue to discover how to grow our sexual relationship. I better appreciate the effort it take for my wife to orgasm and we are exploring new ways to make that happen more regularly. We introduced lubes, vibrators and some new oral techniques to get her there almost every time - sometimes multiple times which never happened before. She now engages in some self-pleasure so she is better able to guide me to get her there. Conversely, she understands that I need to climax every couple days and will make sure that happens either through intercourse, oral or a good handjob. She teases and titillates to ensure that I have a great build up to more massive orgasms than ever before. She says that she loves knowing that she is giving me such great pleasure and that's satisfying for her. Of course, I feel the same every time she experiences these quivering contractions.
  • We are together about once a week, give or take some here and there. We have 6 kids, home school and both have full time jobs (work from home too!). I have recently overcome a long porn addiction and now have a much better understanding of what real intimacy is - foreplay begins as soon as my orgasm is over. It encompasses my whole being and all that I do (or don't do) all week long, being kind, tender, centered on Jesus. so yes, my sex life has gotten absolutely wonderful (more than I ever imagined it could) and I have seen a truly amazing impact on my wife - our connection is much stronger and deeper all week long and this carries over into our private time. She had no idea about me looking at porn, I was so embarrassed but I am sure she loves the change in me - it shows.
  • At times there was passion, but too many nights were just memorial day celebrations. Even on romantic getaways, two cruises and a trip to Arches, we had very little sex if at all. Special events and holidays, nothing. And both birthdays were "present-less".
  • ED and arousal difficulties in spite of T replacement. Only 50 and already this bad, outlook for the future rather poor.
  • We married in August, both virgins before marriage, and as we discover this gift we are growing in both excitement and intimacy.
  • Good stuff! Plus God blessed us with pregnancy.
  • Only not As Good Because She's Pregnant So She doesn't Want To As Much.
  • We made a real effort to improve our marriage, including our sex life. Guess what, it worked!
  • Pre-menopausal wife...
  • I need more frequency. A week to 10 days at a time is not nearly enough for me.
  • My low testosterone helped her understand rejection from my point of view. She stepped up and started initiating! :-)

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