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Sexual Expectations Going into Marriage

84 women and 273 men have answered

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Notes:

  • The N/A (does not apply) option didn’t show up. The “Neither Agree nor Disagree” option was used instead by most.
  • This survey relies on memory of thoughts, a very unreliable thing. Asking these same people what they expected prior to marriage would likely have given fairly different results.

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  • Most men and women thought sex would be pleasurable for him.

 

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  • Men were slightly less sure of sex being pleasurable for her.
  • More than a quarter of women were less sure about their own pleasure than their husband’s.

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  • A third of men very much expected sex to be comforting for them.
  • Only 42% of women expected this.

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  • Most men expected sex to be a source of comfort for their wife.
  • Women were far less sure of this, with only 39% saying they agreed a lot.

expect-5

  • A slight majority of men felt sure this sex would nurture them.
  • Barely a third of women were sure of this.

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  • Almost half of men were sure sex would be a source of nurture for their wife.
  • Less than a third of women felt sure of this.

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  • Few men or women expected sex to be a source of frustration for the husband, with more men than women showing concern.

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  • The numbers here were not too different than expectations sex would frustrate him. However here more women showed a concern.

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  • Only 4% of women agreed with this in any way, while 11% of men had some concern.

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  • Both men and women were more likely to be worried sex would cause her fear or pain.
  • 15% of men and 35% of women agreed to some degree.

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  • Men had a stronger expectation than women that sex would cause the couple to grow closer.

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  • Five percent of both men and women fully expected sex to become less important over the first couple of years.
  • Beyond this, women had a greater expectation of sex becoming less important.

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  • The high Neither Agree nor Disagree here is because of those forced to us the answer for does not apply.
  • Men were more likely than women to think marriage would fix their sexual problems.

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  • Again, the high “Neither” includes those who didn’t feel the issue applied to them.
  • Almost half the men expected regular sex to help them get free of porn, while 20% felt it would not help much or at all.

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  • Men had slightly stronger expectations of being fully satisfied.
  • Four percent of men and 6% of women had real concerns about being sexually satisfied.

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  • Men were much more confident about sexually satisfying their wives than women were of satisfying their husbands.
  • Only 4% of men and 5% of women had strong concerns.

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  • There is a good deal of similarity here, with 42% of both men and women expecting sex about every other day.
  • Twice as many men as women (27% and 14%) expected sex daily or more often.
  • Eighteen percent of women and 8% of men expected sex twice a week or less.

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  • Two-thirds of men expect/expected to still be having sex at least every other day in their tenth year of marriage. Only half of the women had the same expectation.
  • Sixteen percent of women but only 9% of men expected sex once a week or less at ten years.

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  • A great deal of similarity in expectations here.
  • Eight percent of men and 12% of women expected sex to last no more than 15 minutes.
  • Twenty-three percent of men and 22% of women expected sex to last more than 40 minutes

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  • Seven percent of men, but no women, expected her to have multiple climaxes every time.
  • Fifty-nine percent of men and 61% of women expected her to orgasm at least 95% of the time.
  • Nineteen percent of women and 6% of men expected her to climax less than half the time.

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  • The pink and dark blue are high influence; light blue is not at all.

 

Female Comments:

  • I was taught both in church and at home that sex was a good part of a healthy marriage. It was best to save yourself for your future spouse. I was excited to have sex with my husband for the first time. We had both saved ourselves for marriage and it has been so nice knowing we have only been together.
  • I, the bride, was the one who was surprised we weren't going to have sex every day. This was due to a lack of understanding of my husband's body. Sex takes a lot of energy from him. We've had to learn how to intentionally energize him when we're having frequent sex.
  • Should have included question about how you expected porn use to stop once married for your spouse as well as for yourself. It was a n/a for me, and I certainly expected him to stop and was horrified to learn years after he did not. This is a huge expectation that needs to be discussed with honesty before marriage because it would be a deal breaker for some.
  • The answers to the last two of #10 are based on intercourse and would be different if asked merely about intimacy, in which case they would have been A Great Deal. The answer to the fear or pain for wife was only in regards to the first act as I did not know what to expect and that does bring a tiny bit of fear and knowing that it is painful, but not knowing how painful, the first time but that is the ONLY fear or pain for wife considered. The existing sexual problems was only not having sex before marriage and then marriage solving that problem by having sex. ;) I had anticipated that I would have sex some mornings and was very sad to realize that my body does not wake up until later in the day. I did not realize, after being married, that when my husband asked me if I wanted sex that he was really asking if we could have sex, which set us up for some bad times where I answered honestly that I really didn't want sex that night because too tired or headache or whatever other reason and he felt rejected.
  • Our sex life has always been about the same until the last 5 years and it has only changed in frequency instead of 2 to 3 times a week it's pretty much just once a week. And I have always expected to orgasm. Thankfully I do that pretty easily.
  • NA on the Marriage and regular sex would end my porn use. There was no porn use for me at any point in the journey. There was accidental porn exposure about 14 years into our marriage. a pic popped up that I frantically tried to close but more popped up. It totally sickened me. It took months for me to shed the ugly usury of those flashes, and to reclaim the beauty, goodness, and sacred fun of our own sexual relationship. That was only seconds. I poor pity anyone experiencing the consequences of greater exposure.
  • I did not follow the Lord at the beginning of our marriage. I had already had sex with someone else, after a long term relationship,, before I ever met my husband. I must admit that my previous boyfriend was very experienced in how to please me. My husband never really ever tried to learn about pleasing me. I would be lost without my vibrator. This is my sex life and I have accepted it. I had such high hopes.
  • N/a for porn use. Didn't show up as option on mobile phone.
  • I really didn't think sex would ever be hard or have struggles. I had a very open mom who educated me well in being open and not embarrassed by biblical sex. But looking back, I wasn't prepared for working through expectations, learning together, life seasons affecting time and tiredness. Even though I read great books prior to marriage, I'm pretty sure I thought it would all come naturally! Ha!
  • Left out is the option of "didn't think about it," which would have been my answer for a lot of these questions. I was young, and naive in many ways. I thought about sex a lot but apparently mostly in generic terms, like how awesome it would be, not in expectations of what we would do or how often we would do it once married. I just thought it would be great for both of us. Instead, it has been a source of emotional pain and frustration for both of us for almost 40 years. There was inadequate choices for some answers as, again they were things I hadn't really thought out: How often did you expect to have sex the first year of marriage? As often as we wanted to which, turned out he wanted to a lot more than I (result: conflict). How long did you expect the average sexual encounter to last from agreeing to have sex to both finished? I'm not sure I had an expectation other than long enough to enjoy it, with foreplay and some connection afterward which probably would mean 40-60 minutes early on. Didn't happen. Ten minutes and done, if that, with no connection before or after (result: I started to avoid, thus more conflict). How often did you expect the wife to orgasm? Is that a joke? I'm not sure I knew what that was for a woman. Apparently I "expected" it to 'just come naturally,' no pun intended. And, apparently my husband expected the same. Neither of us had any idea how to make that happen. Result: there was no orgasm for twenty years and plenty of frustration, anger and resentment on both sides. I see now I had unrealistic expectations of marriage and my spouse in general, and not enough knowledge and healthy expectation for my own sexuality.
  • When I got married, I was 29, a virgin and totally clueless. I thought married people had sex a few times during their entire marriage. When I found out from my husband on our wedding night that he expected to do this all the time, I was stunned, confused, and worried. He expected me to learn this and want to do it often. I was mortified. He seemed in a state of shock that I didn't know this. He horrified me with what he wanted me to do and to do to me. I found it totally improper, immodest, and degrading. When it was over, I felt humiliated, in intense pain after what felt like being ripped open, and bewildered as to how on earth a man who loved you could do this to you. I cried after he went to sleep and wished I'd never gotten married. When we talked the next day, he asked me if I enjoyed it at all and spent two hours holding me while I sobbed and begged him not to ever do it again. I offered him an immediate divorce, but he assured me that he would be very patient and that we would figure it out. We haven't. It been a continual source of pain, frustration, and sadness. I hate sex. I feel like men's need for it destroys an otherwise perfectly wonderful relationship. It turns a happy, kind, considerate man into a demanding, churlish, frustrated enemy who bitterly resents you for not lying to him and claiming you love it. We aren't close. We have no romance. We aren't really happy. All that was destroyed on the first night of our honeymoon. He wants sex. I want love. All we have is a marriage based on a commitment to not divorce - and some good acting skills to pretend we are happy.
  • I don't really remember having expectations.
  • And I turned out to be mostly wrong!
  • I put romance novels and the media as having a larger influence because I imagine that's where I got the idea that men really want sex. Also, I didn't have sex with my husband before we were married, but the first couple of months we were dating, he was very physical, and that definitely influenced my thinking. That ended, but it still had a strong influence on me.
  • I didn't realize how much sex meant to a relationship or that it would be affected so much by actions outside of actual sex. It became much more emotional as time passed.
  • Wives don't want to have sexual encounters where their husbands just pound away at them like they are some hole to masturbate in and then roll over and fall asleep. He's never cared if I had an orgasm or not. I hate having sex because it sucks, so I don't do it.
  • These expectations did not happen. What I got was 20 years of my husband taking and never giving...
  • One of my biggest expectation let downs in our marriage is our sex life. I assumed a lot, but never assumed I would be the higher drive, more adventurous spouse (the wife). Also, we didn't have intercourse before marriage, but did other stuff. So, I expected that to carry on and grow. It didn't and he has in fact taken it all off the menu except intercourse in a few positions. I think we both expected the stereotype and got the opposite.
  • One expectation I had as a female that was not addressed was I expected my husband to be very high in pursuit of sex-I expected from what I've read and heard about men was him to daily be pursuing me and making his desire for me known. This was not the situation and caused a lot of problems in the our first year of our marriage-it still does on occasion.
  • We've definitely gone through phases. We were both 20 when we got married, and my husband's drive was very high at that time. Now we are in our late 30s, and my drive is much higher than his.
  • Question #5 regarding porn use leaves no option for one who never saw porn prior to marriage.
  • We've been married for almost 10 years now--and our sex life now is AMAZING. I don't use that word lightly. When we were first married, we had sex maybe 1 or 2 times a week. Over the years it changed to 1 or 2 times a month. Going into marriage, I carried a lot of baggage from being molested, and raped, and from being promiscuous as a teenager. Sex was just sex...it was nothing special--except for the man. A few months ago I made a decision to stop telling him "no". To give fully of myself when he wanted sex...and a funny thing happened. I started to actually enjoy it too. I've learned that it's about FAR more than the sex. There have definitely been days where things have come up and we haven't been able to..but it makes that next time even better. We never go more than 2 days without anymore, aside from when I'm dealing with mother nature--but I still make sure he's satisfied. Our relationship has grown stronger, and well...we're enjoying ourselves too.

 

Male Comments:

  • Great survey .. Right to the point .. Had never thought of 80% of the topics
  • That was a long time ago. The one thing that I learned and realized early in marriage was that intimacy/sex was the best most accurate barometer for how the marriage was going. Our barometer was more often than not on the wrong end of the scale. We are still married today but struggling immensely. The best advice I can give to young couples is do not have sex, make love. Often. When you start to have a problem doing that figure it out immediately. Because before you know it 30 years will go by and you will wonder why you said "I do, till death do us part"
  • Got married at age 18 both of us ... Virgins. We had no idea what really to expect. We both thought it would be great. I had orgasms from the first time on our honeymoon. My wife thought she did. She said it felt really great and always wanted to do it again or do it often. We had a lot of sex the first few weeks of our marriage. about day 10 she had her first orgasm. She said WOW!, I guess I haven't had one before, but it felt so good. After her first one, she had them almost every time we made love. Once she had her orgasm, she was done, but would do whatever was needed to finish me. (Which wasn't much at age 18. ) She was always a once and done type, but would often be ready to make love a few hours later... This reflects our first couple years of marriage. After 40 years, still making love 4-5 times a week. She began having multiple orgasms about a year ago. and has had them once or twice a month. once she had about 10 in a few minutes time. We haven't been able to re-create that occurrence as yet. She has never told me "No" but occasionally "How about tomorrow" and has always followed through. That lead down a long road. We are blessed.
  • Thank you
  • I didn't understand how busyness would get in the way of sex.
  • Good sex is not just a good f___. There has to be commitment to more than climaxing in her.
  • We met and dated at youth group. The culture in the church discouraged dating. Sex instruction was virtually non-existent. We didn’t have sex before marriage but did pet somewhat. We had no idea at all of what to expect. Things didn’t go well for the first three years. My wife couldn't have sex at all, couldn't bear it. There was no-one to help us. We eventually consummated the marriage after three years. Things progressively got better. Now 28 years later we're still very much in love and the sex is great and keeps getting better! God is good! He carried us. We owe it all to Him. Thank you Lord!
  • My wife and I were both virgins when we got married. I thought I would finally get to have sexual intercourse, I was 32 years old! We have been married since 5/6/89. We didn't to having penis in vagina until we were married about a month, because it wouldn't fit. We tried other things and she would give me a hand job or sometimes I rubbed up against her. Finally, she was able to loosen up a bit and we were able to have regular intercourse. For the past several years, it's been sex 2-3 times a quarter. That is getting better now with sex 1-2 times a month. That is nowhere near what I want, but my wife is not very available to me. She also does not want to have sex while our sons (17 & 20) are at home or awake. Since they are older and don't go to bed until it is fairly late, I can only do it when they are away. I almost always give her oral sex until she orgasms. However, she is not willing to come close to my penis with her mouth or even hands. This is a frustration for me. Anyway, I still love her, but sometimes need to take things into my own hands to relieve the desire. Thanks
  • Funny how that first bite of wedding cake takes the sex drive right out of a woman, and I know (multiple marriages). Or maybe it's the ring...
  • It would be interesting to see the same set of questions about expectations compared to reality.
  • I could see follow-up questions for each question above asking: 1) if, knowing what you now know, that expectation was reasonable? 2) what does that expectation look like when compared to reality?
  • We were both virgins when we married, and from church backgrounds (though not necessarily families). I suppose I knew something of my sex drive, and expected my wife to experience similar to myself. Since marriage I realise that we experience sexual desire in different ways. This isn't really a problem once we realised this, and work at it. This took longer than it should have to reach this stage.
  • For question 5 there is no "N/A" response choice.
  • Looking back over thirty years it's hard to accurately to remember all the details but we are now dealing with the reality of not doing a lot correctly and doing worse with teaching our children.
  • Expectations were never clearly stated or even thought about. Too bad because it would have been better to have talked about it.
  • The little experience (no IC) we had pre-wedding was on future wife initiative, so I assumed she was really into it, also since she had had encounters with others although very limited. Boy was I wrong! I so wish we had the sound Christian resources back then (+20 years) that could have: 1. Given me (and her) more realistic expectations. 2. Helped us to work together on intimacy. Things have not been awful, but far from awesome. Slowly improving now partly due to info and teaching on this site and other great blogs on intimacy, partly to our effort, but ultimately 100% to the grace and love of God. His magnificent gift is still there for us to indulge, and I hope we will continue to grow in doing that.
  • I was married previously, so that gave some expectations. Church didn't have as much influence because sex wasn't discussed much until JPII and "Theology of the Body". I just wish I had much of that information sooner for both of us. That, plus reality of expectations. More recently, my wife's chronic health issues has redefined all aspects of our relationship, reminding us of "or for worse". But it is a struggle as life and relationships get defined and redefined.
  • Some questions above need a "not applicable." I didn't have sex with my wife before marriage. So how to answer the question of whether marriage would solve prior sex problems? Disagree means that marriage would not solve such problems. Agree means that it would solve problems that we didn't have. Same with porn use questions.
  • I started marriage with the assumption that my wife would view sex much the same way I do; I assumed marriage would be a free-for-all of sex. I didn't really think much about her pleasure (but assumed she'd enjoy it) and didn't even know there is such a thing as female orgasm (hence expecting it less than 25%). I don't know how much this affects others, but there were a lot of mixed messages. Church rarely addressed it (and when it did, it was usually to say "Don't do it"). Home (Christian family) addressed it more, but similar emphasis. The idea that sex is allowed within marriage was clear, but there was no emphasis on the importance of sex in marriage or on marital sex outside procreation as a way to honor and worship God. Not that those things were never mentioned, but they were never the message that stuck. With a few exceptions, the overall impression from home and church was that sex is something dirty that might even be borderline sun, even in marriage. Most of the positive portrayals of sex I got were from secular sources (with a few mentions on Christian fiction). For the most part, not a biblical perspective. Unfortunately, those messages shaped most of my expectations.
  • We were both virgins and had a lot to learn.
  • In the last two choices I had not had sex with either my wife or anyone else... But the making out / getting close to sex sessions definitely set my expectations. My wife was VERY passionate with our kissing and cuddling and some light fondling.
  • I wish the Church had had more of an influence on our expectations and preconceptions. We started learning on our wedding night and, between then and now, there have been many mistakes that we could have avoided, many dead-ends we need not have explored, many awesome opportunities that we simply did not understand and many occurrences and surprises that shouldn't have worried us or made us doubt.
  • Sex is way more than I thought it would be when we got married many years ago. It can also be frustrating in dry spells and happening much less frequently than I would like but I would take what I have today over what sex was like at the beginning even though I thought it was great at the time.
  • Never had sex until I got married at the age of 28. As a Christian I just wasn't supposed to.
  • Prior to marriage I read a lot of books and resources about sex and relationships and figured it would be great as long as both of us attempted to be generous servant lovers. My expectations were based on what I viewed as a healthy sexuality and eagerness to be good lovers to each other. I did not factor into my plans ending up with a refuser who is often vanilla and has little to no sexual desire.
  • Wife had memories of sex with father from child hood thru approximately the first three years of our marriage. Married around 33 years before I knew. Now sex doesn't happen anymore. Before she told me I thought it was normal for sex to get less and less. And some people are just lucky to have the right woman. The Lord showed me why lousy marriage now after 8 years of her having prayer counseling she says she is changing. But no sex life.
  • We were both virgins when married. I'm thankful for that. I wish we had been more open about our sexual experiences, expectations, desires, etc. It was a bit taboo to talk about. I figured it was for her like it was for me. Very wrong assumption. Some quality marital counseling would have been beneficial in this area. The trick is finding quality counseling. We've found it now, but I can't help but think that perhaps if we had it up front, we wouldn't need it now.
  • Boy, was I wrong.
  • Married for 18 years and 5 children. Sex is still GREAT and still OFTEN. We don't deny each other. We average at least every other day.
  • It took me a number of years to realize that my expectations of sex in marriage where developed in part by my pornography use in my teen years. Once I realized it, I was able to talk with my wife about it and begin to work through it. It's a process, it has gotten much better. Porn is bad...stay away!
  • #7. Is a tricky question. As I entered marriage "How often did you expect to have sex the tenth year of your marriage?" Or in my tenth year of marriage, had my expectation changed as to, "How often did you expect to have sex the tenth year of your marriage?" I answered more based on after I'd been married for 10 years, looking at my reality. However, when I first got married I thought our frequency of sex would be the same the first year and the 10th year.
  • Before we got married I thought we would be having sex all the time and it would be a great and wonderful thing. Then we got married only to find out it was the complete opposite. Sex turned out to be the number one driving wedge between us. My wife was told by the church that sex was wrong and she still after 12 years of marriage is affected by that. With Gods help things are improving but I still wish that sex would have been fun and exciting the first year of marriage. I feel like I missed a lot of fun emotional closeness and bonding to my wife that I will never get to experience.
  • I wish I'd known in advance about how much a past history of sexual abuse was going to mess with things for the next couple of decades.
  • Wishful thinking...
  • Didn't turn out the way we expected, neither in benefits nor frequency.
  • When engaged mu bride would initiate and I had to refuse...took that as a great sign. Then we got married and things changed. She stopped initiating but was reasonably receptive. 12 yrs later she is much more receptive!
  • I was a virgin and hopelessly misinformed about how different a woman is from a man in terms of how it takes to become fully aroused.
  • Both of us being virgins, we went into marriage with the idea sex will be frequent and always awesomely pleasurable - a message the media presents to youth. I tried to find out more, but I didn't even know the right questions to ask. The honeymoon night popped many of those bubbles of misconception. Fortunately years of experience have been good to us. We learned about the intense physically and spiritually uniting blessings of sexual intimacy as God wants it to be. Here is to many more years of better and better sex.
  • More on topic books shaped a lot. Thanks Gary Chapman and others for being frank.
  • My wife made a lot of my expectations for me by telling me how she felt she would act once we were married. This lasted for a while, but faded tremendously. Now married 15 years, she only actually wants sex about once every couple of months. Anything more is strictly out of duty or what I feel is pity for me. I hate feeling guilt for still wanting sex to mean something in our marriage.
  • I thought you said this survey was fixed. The agree/disagree continuums are still checkboxes, not radio buttons.
  • Our church gave us a lot of thou-shall-not's but almost zero positive structure for what a marriage should look like and even less about sex in a marriage. We had many sermons on how per-marital sex would destroy our lives and a quick summary statement that sex will be perfect once we get married to our God-chosen-spouse. Our secular education gave us details on how much more sensitive a woman is and much more pleasurable things can be for her so we had high expectations. All the way up to the wedding we held the line at penetration but did just about everything else up to that point. Our wedding night she came to the conclusion that she didn't care for the penetration aspect of sex. It was almost a week later before I "finished" in her for the first time. Despite doing my best for her within a few months she was convinced that sex was only for me and wanted very little to do with it. "Get him off and move on" became her bedroom motto. She didn't want to be touched, didn't want oral any more, just wanted it over. When we were engaged, we would see a sexual activity in a movie and talk about how fun it would be to try after we got married. Now if she says anything about a sexual activity, it is just 'no'. From the promises from the pulpit of perfect sexual bonding if I wait for the right "God-chosen-spouse" to the lies she portrayed while we dated, I frequently feel as though I have been sold a lemon. A classic bait-and-switch. A source of constant contempt and contention. While I have consulted with divorce attorneys in the past, my I-have-no-Biblical-reason guilt keeps me from signing the papers. We get along great in just about every other way. We see counselors and seek help and they always work great but never for any length of time longer than a month. She always find a reason to stop. The lies and negativity taught from the pulpit on the subject of sex are by far the source of most of my fights with God.
  • Wife suffered from severe sexual and emotional abuse as a child.
  • I describe the decline in the frequency and quality of sex as dropping from a high performance sports car to a Ford Pinto. Before our marriage and in the first 2 years after we were married, she wanted it all the time. After three kids, however, I'm lucky if I can get her in the mood more than twice a month. As for oral, both giving and receiving, that's pretty much off the table. We've spoken about this many times and I've even suggested seeking professional help, but there's no interest. I don't think she sees it as a problem.
  • We were both virgins at marriage. The first few months it was everything I had hoped and wanted. Since kids, it is not. It is an ongoing frustrating battle now.
  • I feel it was a case of bait and switch everything changed as soon as we married.
  • When I was 12, family was watching an episode of Marcus Welby MD. Plot: Teenage girl had drastic weight loss, becoming far too popular with the boys as a result. Totally innocently, I asked my mother, "What does 'promiscuous' mean?" She stumbled and staggered and hemmed and hawed until I realized I wasn't going to get an answer. Next day, I opened a dictionary, gained understanding on my own...and had an epiphany: I would never, ever be able to ask my parents ANYTHING about sex. So that's the source of "a lot" of family influence -- an entirely negative observation. I have zero information about my parents' sex life, and they provided zero influence on mine. Romance novels are pornography. I reject everything about them. Consider it logically: Unrealistic stories involving amazingly beautiful women; overly powerful, shockingly wealthy, painfully handsome men; ridiculous plot routinely involving men who have no actual connection to the wealth they wield; and the climactic giving of the woman to the man, cue the orchestra rise. _50 Shades_ is what Steele and Cartland would have written, if they'd had the guts to include actual sex. I have no memory of any church or church-related organization having anything productive to say to me about sex, positively or negatively. Yet I was raised in the church, having "been a Christian" since my early teens. Note my adjective, productive -- there were things said, of course, but always banally useless platitudes, nothing more. TV fiction and movies are fantasy by design. Why would one accept their influence as practicality? I remarried following divorce, hence "a little" influence from "individuals other than spouse." More precisely, and with more than a little bitterness, the influence of my ex was to make clear, retrospectively, how utterly dull she was, sexually speaking. Yes, dull. Remarkably, causes for separation/divorce did not revolve around sex...because I didn't know any better on that score. My wife of the past 20+ years is NOT dull. Not at all. (Shouldn't these agreement continuum things have been radio buttons, not checkboxes? Shall I agree a lot and disagree a lot in a single answer? Your poll allows that.)
  • I waited and was left disappointed. I feel like the church lied to me. I have never felt fulfilled in all 7 years I have been married.
  • A long and varied exposure to a number of different types of porn (the lighter Playboys to really hardcore mags like Hustler to Playgirls with guys) at a pretty young age (around 10 or so) really screwed up my expectations and ideas about sex and what being a man were all about. I also didn't have much communication with parents or mentors or peers or girlfriends or God or even my wife to dispel the wrong and discover the right. Took me about 35/years to finally start figuring stuff out. But it is happening.
  • It all turned out to be a lie. She never wanted to be intimate with me (other than cuddling), and still doesn't. Whenever she would agree to sex it was only to try to get pregnant or to get me to quit bothering her. As it stands I would estimate we have had less sex in 27 years than most couples have in their first year, and it has been over ten years since we had sex at all, we live as roommates.
  • It was far better than I had expected. God was good to us.

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