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Sexual Abuse

201 women and 383 men have answered

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  • This is admittedly a fairly broad definition of sexual abuse. Still, the numbers are shocking. Almost two-thirds of women and just over a third of men have been exposed to some level of sexual abuse.

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  • Same sex abuse was exceptionally rare for women.
  • For men same sex abuse was about twice as common as being abused by a woman.

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  • Girls were three times more likely to be abused between 2 and 4 years of age.
  • Boys were 40% more likely to be abused between the ages of 8 and 12. 
  • Same sex abuse was most common between 8 and 12. Opposite sex abuse was most common in the teens.

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  • While rarely discussed, climax from abuse is more common than most think. This causes a great deal of confusion and guilt for the victim. Climax is a reflex reaction to stimulation, and it can happen when not desired. Climax in no way means the victim wanted or enjoyed the abuse. Climax happens even in situations where the victim fears for their life.
  • The higher rate of male climax is no doubt because men generally need less stimulation to climax.
  • Fondling was the act most likely to cause climax.

 

Women’s Comments

  • No meant no, no matter at what point in time. It happened 2 weeks after my 16th birthday. I was no longer jailbait to him. Thank God I'm happily married to someone who didn't care where I'd been. My past does not define me. I am not damaged goods. By the grace of God I became a Proverbs 31 woman.
  • One time incident never to be repeated because I told my parents. By a grandfather figure.
  • Not sure if what I experienced was 'abuse' or not, perhaps on the line. We met, my friend and I, some older boys at a movie theater, and during the movie we 'made out'. I didn't know how to say 'no' and was wracked with guilt afterwards. I did try to push away some, but was pulled back. Nothing more than kissing and heavy petting happened.
  • My husband pressures me for sex when I'm not in the mood or feeling well. Though it's not abusive, I do still feel pressured so much that I have to to give in otherwise he won't stop pressuring me. [Did NOT say she had been abused]
  • There was another time when an adult stranger fondled me.
  • I was continually pressured by my teenage boyfriend for sex until I finally consented.
  • This abuse was by a family member.
  • Abuser was grandfather
  • I was raped by my husband before I divorced him.
  • This happened only once.
  • Asked for it yes..pressured lightly yes but was able to get out of it. (Not referring to with spouse)  [Did NOT say she had been abused]
  • I hope that creepy old man rots in hell, he ruined my life, those experiences have affected me for many years. I never wished to have daughters because I didn't want them to be ever exposed to dirty old oversexed men.
  • It happened over the course of several months on a school bus. (I know, crazy, right?!) He was a senior, I was 8, and it started out as flirting and pinching my butt behind me as I got off the bus, and I liked it at first. Then he got more brazen, and he'd sit behind or next to me and drop a book or pretend to show me something, then reach into my pants. I wore polyester stretch pants then, so I wised up and wore some tight jeans one day, and he got even more brazen, sitting next to me and unzipping my jeans, and I stood up and said "NO!" It scared him, and he left me alone from them on. Thank god he graduated soon after, but I still had to see him in church every week. I joined the choir so I could sit in the loft and not have him staring at me, but I still had to see him when I went for Eucharist, yuck. I've forgiven him. It made me a very sexually curious little girl, and eventually I turned it into wanting to control what men did to me sexually, as well as proving that I was still desirable to men. I still struggle with that, wanting men to pay attention to me, wanting my husband to prove to me that I'm still desirable. I'm the higher drive spouse too, which sucks terribly. I hope we can work that out... (You can share this if you like.)
  • I was raped on two different occasions by two different people
  • Not the only abuse that happened
  • It was my brother. Thank God that my Heavenly Father protected me. For years I felt guilty. I can only imagine what I would experience if it had really happened. {Answered “Pressured for sex but it did not happen.”]
  • I think because I told, the abuse stopped before it became too serious. It was a cousin and my parents never confronted his parents (my great aunt and uncle) nor him to my knowledge. They just kept me away from him.
  • I was 14 years old and he was my boyfriend. It happened so quickly and I felt powerless to stop it. It took a few years to realise it was actually rape. I thought I'd led him on and it was my fault.
  • I was sexually abused at 5 years old and again at 12 years old. Then I was raped when I was 16 and again at 17 years old.
  • My abuse began at age 8 by just fondling through age 13 where I experienced full intercourse, anal, and oral
  • I was fondled and touched inappropriately as a child almost every day for about a year. Some experiences were very painful. He jammed his finger so forcefully inside of me that I ended up bleeding.

 

Men’s Comments

  • While I've never been abused, I am a pastor, and a vast amount of the women in my congregation confess to having been abused -- far more than I ever would have thought. There are a LOT of wounded people, and I see myself as more of the exception (having not suffered abuse).
  • I did not know what was actually happening and I knew it was not good, therefore I felt bad for a very long time
  • My parents' marriage was difficult and ended in divorce when I was 21. I am the youngest of 6 kids. From a very young age I felt what might be called emotional insest from my mother. Her trying to get from my what she could not attract from my dad. He loved her but she would not submit to him. Her emotional digging in me caused me to retreat and avoid her. Caused no end of problems with my (lack of) relationships with girls my age. . [Did NOT say he had been abused]
  • He was my step-father. It was only once. He had a collection of porn books on incest that my step-sisters and I sneaked reads from. My mother was gone for a week and he tried to get my sisters and I to have sex, any sex, with him or not, by giving us his books to read and walking around the house wearing thin pants that did not conceal an erection very well. He approached me in my room, once, and after some nervous converasation from me, he tried to kiss me and reached down to fondle me. I pulled back and he relented and did not pursue it further.He did the same with his daughters. This resulted in me being sexually coersive toward my step-sisters, with some success. I found out, much later, that he had had sex with one of them when they were adult. One sister I can talk to and we've talked about this and have forgiven him and ourselves. I also sought her forgiveness for other abuses I committed against her for emmulating my mother's psyhcological and physical abuse of her. We have forgiven my mother, but maintian a discreet distance in our hearts because she is manipulative and coersive and an unpleaseant person around family. One sister, for other reasons, is very nice, but she is not someone I wish to have a close realtionship with.and so, we don't.
  • It happened only once. I didn't realize the significance at the time. It didn't occur to me until much later that the boy was acting out on me what had probably happened to him. I have no negative feelings toward him, rather I feel sad for him. He was only a child.
  • I encountered physical sexual relationship at the age of 13 or 14 years. It was not against my will. But I could have been protected but responsible family members didn't worry about anything and indirectly allowed to happen. [Did NOT say he had been abused]
  • Married to someone who has suffered abuse. Might be an interesting extra stat?
  • I was 11/12, and the neighbor boy was 16. He forced me and his younger brother 10/11 into some uncomfortable situations. I had my first climax which felt good but wrong. It is a shameful memory. I hate that it happened, but I don't feel ashamed of it, and it really doesn't effect me today. I am 48 years old, I am married to my high school sweetheart who I have dated/ been engaged/ married to for 30yrs December 2013. While I am repulsed by what happened, I don't feel guilt, or that it was my fault. I had no control the situation and I have relinquished it to the Lord. I have told my wife and family, and they have all been supportive.
  • I would qualify for coerced at 14. [Did NOT say he had been abused]
  • I experimented with sexuality with my brothers. They were older and bigger than me. But I never felt coerced. I was interested. Non of us leaned toward homosexuality. We simply were more like playing. There was a little bit of porn mixed in. Again I wasn't forced, but curious. I have had more than my share of girls/women show slight sexual advances toward me. But have never been forced into sex by them. I have only had penetration and ejaculation with my wife after we were married. There was one young woman with whom I did things before marriage that I felt convicted of apologizing to, too much petting.
  • Although neither me nor my wife were sexually abused, she was emotionally neglected as a child, and I've seen a similar level of damage and difficulties in our marriage because of it.
  • Unless you want to count the use of pornography as self-abuse... Which in a way it is
  • still feel ugly when i masturbate. {Was forced to masturbate by an older boy]
  • I was taught that masturbation is "self abuse." I began masturbating at age 5 quite by accident. I felt guilty my whole growing up about it, but couldn't stop and kept it hidden. For sure has impacted my sexuality even now. Still conflicted whether its a natural part of life, or condemned of God.
  • I would say that I have been fortunate in that respect, although I have tried to coerce others into sex some time ago. I don't think I realized the damage it may have done to us both. Something to think about.
  • You are right that this changes a person' sexuality. I have always struggled with the affects of this abuse. I have thoughts that made me wonder if I was homosexual. I've never engaged in homosexual behavior but I still struggle at times with thoughts that I don't want to have.
  • My parents were missionaries. It is VERY common for National men to prey on little boys and girls. We knew it was wrong of them, but I knew it wasn't my fault, etc, and I don't think I was "damaged" sexually. It did tick me off, even as a kid! Now as a missionary, I'm very vigilant regarding my girl and boys. Child abuse in our neighborhood is the norm, not the exception.
  • Thank God that the past input shapes us, it doesn't define us.
  • It was only once. A stranger in a drug store.i was about 13 of 14 and so innocent that I really didn't know what was happening at the time. I just thought it was odd. He told me some crazy story that required that he fondle me several time in the aisle of the store. I don't think it had much affect on me but maybe it did since I never forgot it.
  • Babysitter. Neighbors kid from up the street.
  • I dated a girl who's dad sexually abused her. It really messed her up mentally and emotionally, which in turn messed our relationship up.
  • I waffle on whether my deal was "abuse". I guess it was because I was too young to really know what was going on but my cousin was young too. Not sure it's really effected me. [Same sex prior to puberty with a cousin 40-8 years older. Climaxed]
  • I am also a survivor of date rape when I was 13.
  • it was my grandmother and she had pursued my dad her son as if he were her husband
  • My sisters were abused but not me. I have seen them suffer with addiction and relationships in their adult life because of this abuse
  • I really hadn't thought of it as abuse, more as exploration, but since the other people were older, I guess it could be called abuse. I wouldn't have chosen to do it on my own.
  • I said it made me uncomfortable and they stopped and apologized. It was an employer. Awkward!! I got a different job. Was on a business trip.

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