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Porn for Two?

225 women and 386 men have answered
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© surveymonkey.com

  • The fairly minor gender difference is probably mostly due to the women who answered being younger, with twice as many women being 34 or younger.
  • About half of couples have never watched porn together.
  • Less than 2% of couples currently watch porn often.
  • About 9% of couples currently use porn occasionally.
  • 29% used porn occasionally in the past, and 6% used it often

© surveymonkey.com

The chart is divided into those currently using porn and those who have stopped

  • It seems women are more likely to see porn use as a mutual decision, especially those still using it.
  • Men no longer using porn with their wife were more likely to say using it was all their idea.

© surveymonkey.com

  • None of the men currently using porn say it always or most of the time feels wrong. 3% of current female users said it always feels wrong, none said most of the time.
  • Two thirds of current male users, and 55% of current female users say it never feels wrong.
  • 37% of former female users and 45% of former male users say porn never felt wrong,
  • Overall women were more likely to feel porn use was wrong, but not by a huge factor.

© surveymonkey.com

  • The primary effect all around was sexual arousal which was seen to make sex better or easier.
  • Men currently using porn listed her arousal more than their own.
  • Both past and current female users listed their own arousal more than their husband’s.
  • Women were more likely than men to list negative effects.

© surveymonkey.com

  • Most current users have no desire to stop using porn. Only 9% of men and women were personally interested in stopping.

© surveymonkey.com

  • The most common reason for stopping (42%) was just not doing it any more, with neither spouse making a choice to stop.
  • About a third said they stopped by mutual decision.
  • Both men and women were more likely to say it was their choice than their spouse’s choice.
  • In the comments several said they used porn before they became Christians.
  • A problem with the survey logic causes 21 people who still used porn to see this question. Those who commented on this said they choose the “Just stopped” answer.

Female Comments

  • Watching porn was only something we did a few (3-4) times. Just something ‘different’ to throw in the mix. Parts of those were actually more comical than anything…at least we both had a good laugh! 🙂
  • We will never watch or use pornography in our marriage. Our marriage is sacred and only for us 2.
  • We never stopped watching it. We still do.
  • I feel like porn would take away from my husband and I enjoying each other. If we are looking at other people’s nakedness we aren’t enjoying each other’s nakedness. It just seems wrong to me.
  • Neither of us had seen porn until we were both fairly versed in sex anyway, so whilst it did turn us on a bit mostly we found it about as realistic as an action film. I.e. a lot of unrealistic action for not much purpose. We only watched once and decided that we could do much better ourselves without the distraction.
  • My husband has been watching porn all of his teen to age 54 years. I hated it for the first 22 years of our marriage. It has been an irreconcilable difference for us until one day I gave up and didn’t care anymore. I read some books on crazy sex and started trying to incorporate it into our lives. His lovemaking is a mimic of the typical porn movie. It’s all about making him finish but for me there Is nothing…no foreplay, no orgasm, no finish. Porn kills but since I can’t beat it…I don’t fight it.
  • I found that I actually kind of liked the movies that had an actual story, romance, and featured a committed relationship. It did help to get me in the mood for sex with my husband. I did not like the movies with girls engaging in sexual acts with each other or sex with multiple partners. Most porn does not have a storyline, romance, and a committed relationship though, at least in my experience.
  • I would like to go back to watching it with him, but he prefers not to. I think it spices it up and can actually teach you new ways to please each other. Not saying he has an issue pleasing me.
  • We have Christian views and beliefs!
  • Having been abused and engaging in the world’s view of sex, it was something I did until God told me it was no longer an option.
  • Husband has watched porn. I have never thought it would be the least exciting. After I discovered this on the computer, I told him how I felt about it (felt to me like cheating, there had been an affair in the past). The porn use continued, even though he said he would quit. Yet again, I “caught” him, when he thought I was otherwise occupied. Ironically, I was naked and going to invite him into the shower with me for a little extra fun. Needless to say, my sexy feelings were immediately gone, although I did tell him what he was going to miss. Also had a long talk about porn, that continued use knowing how it felt to me like infidelity, seemed to show that he didn’t give a #*% about my feelings or care about or cherish me at all. I do think he may finally understand somewhat; he says he is not looking. Can I trust? I don’t know.
  • I never knew porn was a problem for Christians. After getting educated on various Christian websites, I now know there is a problem out there. We are an older couple and never used the internet to access it. I am the fortunate one because my husband was so isolated growing up; he never got the chance to view it.
  • Porn is so damaging to all involved! It’s damaging to those who view it as well as those who participate in it. It’s a destroyer of marriages, sex and life. How sad that the man who created playboy must now use porn to have sex with his playmates. That just shows how incredibly damaging it is!
  • This happened while we were dating. Before marriage, and prior to our salvation.
  • My husband still uses porn, alone. That was why I tried it together to stop his solitary use. It didn’t help. He uses porn even when I’m willing, available & approach him for sex. It seems he enjoys porn and masturbation more than real sex.
  • No, never, yuck!
  • Once in a while, maybe once a month, we enjoy some soft porn together. I like watching two people in love and making love. It makes me think of our marriage. l like seeing the loving tenderness between the lovers. Some of the techniques and various positions portrayed in the movies inspire us to try some new things that we would likely not have tried otherwise. Recently saw some oral techniques that I encouraged my husband to try on me that were fantastic. Watching soft porn gets me in the mood to seduce my husband, entice manual and oral stimulation from my husband and can really get me aroused. I find that I’m developing lubrication just from the porn. My husband finds is especially exciting when he discovers that I’m already excited when he first touches me. We never venture into kinky stuff like S&M or multiple partners but find simple man and woman sex inspiring and stimulating.
  • “Do you want to stop?” Strange question. It has been quite a few months since my husband and I looked at any porn together. I imagine that we will check it out again some time to spice things up. Neither of us are addicted, we do not rely on it for sex, I don’t see a problem continuing to share it. I do prefer that my husband not look at it without me. And he knows that is my preference.
  • Porn has never been something that has bothered me. I used to be shy about trying it but that is no longer an issue. The biggest problem we have is finding something that we can both be excited about. We solved this problem by making videos of ourselves, we both enjoy watching what we do together and use those videos more often than things produced by strangers. I am more likely to become aroused by what we make ourselves as well.
  • Wrong on so many levels.
  • We made our own tape of us and then watched it later together. If he wants to see a couple on TV having sex, let him see his beautiful wife.
  • As a newly married couple, We thought we would use porn to give us ideas and help us learn new tricks or tips. All it did was make us uncomfortable and make us have unrealistic expectations about “real life sex”. Since we stopped watching it, we have learned to be creative on our own and communicate about sex with one another. Having open lines of communication and being honest about our sex has helped us grow closer together. Honestly, our sex life is the best that it has ever been!
  • I didn’t want porn in our sex life to begin with. He had a huge addiction to it. I went along with it to make him happy. He wanted sex more. It got to the point that I felt like I was just a body to have sex while he watched porn. I started not letting it be played while we were having sex. His addiction and our fighting about it got bad enough that I found out he was having online affairs and video sex with other women. One of the things he had to decide to do for me to be willing to rebuild our marriage with him was that the porn had to go. I wanted to know that he wanted me and not some other woman. We both had to work hard at changing ourselves, growing up, and committing ourselves to each other. We both had to do a lot of forgiving of ourselves and each other for past hurts. It’s been a long road and a lot of work but it was worth it. I know he still struggles and I pray constantly that god continues to give him the strength and conviction to continue on. We don’t fight about sex anymore and we both are very satisfied without porn as we rock each other’s world on a very regular basis 🙂
  • Watched it once or twice out of curiosity, before we were Christians. It was free on cable tv. Didn’t interest us – found it pretty boring and a little distasteful.
  • I suggested it and we did it a few times. But then I noticed he was more interested in the porn than me so we chose to stop because it was causing him to stumble.
  • He has watched porn too many times to count while I was at work, in bed sleeping or basically whenever I wasn’t in the room for a few minutes-literally. All without having any contact with me, non-sexual or sexual. Then I discovered it & my world shattered. Here we are nearly 5 yrs later and the pain is still fresh as the day when I discovered it. Watching it together is wrong but at least it isn’t behind your spouse’s back. But still wrong! Why be married? What part of porn is loving? None.
  • 7 years into our 32 marriage we got saved and we knew instantly that porn was wrong. We never touched it again and our sex life is better today than it has ever been.
  • We’ve each watched porn separately and identified it as a problem in our marriage. Out of respect for each other, we no longer indulge that fantasy. We have watched R-rated movies or tv shows with sex scenes together, but I don’t consider that porn.
  • No and we never will! God is at the centre of our marriage and He has delivered us both from porn in the past and we are many years free!
  • We haven’t stopped using porn.(as in #12) we enjoy it together or solo. We use it as a way to get new ideas and to get turned on. Visual stimulation works well!
  • Gross!
  • great
  • Porn was a lifelong habit for my husband, which I think is very common. I had watched it very sporadically before getting married. Once we discussed it, we realized how truly damaging and evil it was. Porn has been entirely eliminated from our lives and our sex life is better for that decision!
  • Once we stopped using porn my husband started to withdraw. I found out he had been viewing it on and off since we quit. Once confronted he admitted he had a problem with it and we are now working through issues. Hopefully we can work through it and our marriage restored.
  • The last question stated why did you stop? But we haven’t. Still do occasionally.
  • This is something that applied to us in probably our first 10 years together. Now that we’re older and our relationship is so much deeper, we don’t need it. Our sexual relationship is so much better, the longer we are married…focused on each other, no time to focus on anyone or anything else.
  • Never actually stopped, just a sexy option to use sometimes. Never forbidden by either of us..i think my husband is a little shocked or embarrassed that I enjoy it too, i suspect he feels he can enjoy it more “freely” when he’s by himself.
  • At the time we weren’t married and we were teenagers. I had known he looked at porn and thought it was a way for me to see what he likes. We only did it once or twice. I didn’t realize until after we were married that pornography can be an addiction. I wish I had never looked with him.
  • My husband has erectile dysfunction and had a difficult time getting aroused. Used porn for a while and it worked but then he gave up on that too.
  • We used it once or twice but quit due to the sinful nature if porn. It made both of is feel bad and we knew it was wrong and disobedient to God.
  • Biblically I have a problem with it.
  • We used porn infrequently prior to marriage & kids… I thought that it would make me more desirable- being “cool” in my (then) boyfriend’s eyes. It’s done much more damage down the road than I ever could’ve imagined. When we had kids, we decided together we didn’t want it in the house because we didn’t want our kids exposed to it. Now many, many years later I still struggle with self-esteem issues stemming from that time in our relationship.

Male Comments:

  • We did it mostly to see how ridiculous it was (and it was quite ridiculous)
  • I don’t see how using Porn even with your spouse is not sin
  • We don’t watch porn together or look at pornographic pics together (or separately). However, I’m a writer, and I write our own personal erotica, which she enjoys immensely, and we both benefit from that.
  • Some romantic movies are enough to give us hot nights–watching other people having sex just wouldn’t work. We’d rather make our own memorable sex video than watch one together.
  • Talked briefly about it. Haven’t done it.
  • I don’t see how watching porn can enhance your sex life. If you do get a temporary rush or a high from it I would worry about the long term effects on your marriage.
  • She doesn’t like to watch porn. that’s why we didn’t watch porn together still now.
  • Would like to
  • Question 12 assumes we’ve stopped and must be answered, so take one “we just stopped” off your survey results. Porn is like wearing sexy lingerie: not necessary, a fun extra. Much of porn is unethical, ridiculous, degrading. But not all is that, and we both had really long talks about what we thought Jesus meant in Matthew 5. We’ve come to the conclusion that erotica is not necessarily sinful, arousal is not necessarily coveting, and we’ve found MUCH less problems in our marriage since abandoning the guilt of sexual arousal from other people than when we assumed that it was just plain wrong.
  • Viewing porn together was a desperate (though misguided) attempt to get my wife interested in sex. I was willing to try anything to stimulate her desire for me. Guess what, porn didn’t help. In fact, it just made it worse. It wasn’t until after I had made a lot of progress on my own issues that God opened her eyes that she needed to make some changes too.
  • While tempting, I believe porn would not be beneficial for our sexual relationship. It would likely harm our overall relationship and make our sexual relationship much more complicated, unfulfilling, and difficult.
  • It gave us some creative ideas and opened our minds to kinks we liked but it was hard for me as a husband for I was afraid of her feeling like I needed it although it was her idea too. ( it was new sensations romance with interesting story lines and actual decent acting)
  • Got us really turned on at first, then after a few times made us wish we had never watched it. Sex life much better without it.
  • It is inconceivable that a Christian married couple would watch pornography together.
  • When we gave our lives to Jesus, we quit porn. It was a mutual decision, no looking back. Glad we did, too!
  • Prior to walking with the Lord, we would on occasion use porn to enhance our lovemaking. After walking with the Lord, we stopped. Actually it just kinda never happened again….understanding what it is on face value.
  • Never have. Don’t think it’s good for me. Certainly isn’t good for us as a couple.
  • Absolutely horrible idea, and I’m pretty disturbed that a site like Marriage Bed would even suggest the possibility. Porn for any purpose exploits women and children and gives power to the evil people who produce it. I would never dream of introducing it into the sanctity of the marriage bedroom.
  • Probably depends on the person/couple. We all have different struggles. In my opinion, it’s not a good idea. Easily habit forming, especially for men. The Bible is very clear about lusting after someone other than your wife. It is adultery. We didn’t watch “porn”, but it was some very racy R rated to NC17 movies long ago.
  • Why would you?
  • It is a bad idea for so many reasons. I will give one as a man. Porn is terribly addictive. You don’t recreation-ally enjoy cocaine. You will get hooked. Same idea.
  • Movies with sex scenes partial nudity
  • She is 100% opposed. Even though I have asked and wanted to view some softer core or female friendly to get a better idea of what she finds arousing or to lead into discussions of what I find arousing, she is not open to even discussing. I would like to be able to do this, but am pretty sure this won’t ever happen.
  • I think we’ve watched mild porn about 10 times in 30 years. No intention of increasing that and no intention of watching anything hard core. Just a bit of light titillation very infrequently.
  • It’s a sin. There’s no other way to look at it.
  • We stopped watching because we got saved.
  • I first viewed porn at the age of 6 and had it around since. My spouse and I viewed porn together and I did not see any issue with that. Fast forward and we become Christians, my wofe stops with the porn, I continue with her saying it was alright. Fast forward, I have been trying to stop and found out that my viewing has hurt her deeply as it brings up questions of self-worth. If I could go back to my first time seeing porn I would turn and run!
  • Neither of us watch porn, together or separately.
  • Question twelve was mandatory but assumed we stopped. We haven’t. It’s fun. We enjoy it on sexcations and such. Not often. Usually romantically shot scenes. Not abusive or crazy. Just like watching people have normal sex. Very erotic and often leads to very erotic times together when it ends. Like sharing touch and oral with each other while watching.
  • This happened over 10 years ago and stopped the closer we got to God, leading up to our salvations. I still struggle with wanting to go back to it occasionally, especially when DW is too sick or tired for too long. I am naturally high drive and can always put aside fatigue to be with DW, while DW is low drive with a tiny window of opportunity that is usually unattainable due to her having positive energy levels only during working hours, so when we did do this for that short period of time, it did increase her drive and responsiveness. Still working on how to accomplish that in a Godly way…
  • I’ve had a porn problem in the past by she helped me overcome it. She is the child of a domestic and sexually abusive father and brother. There is no way at all I will allow porn into our home as it blunts my desire for her and is offensive to her.
  • My wife & I watched porn a few times very early in our marriage (we married young 20s). At the time, I am not sure that it had much effect, positive or negative. Over time, we began to rediscover what we believed, as opposed to what we had been taught to believe. We both began to move back toward our faith in God and Jesus Christ. As this happened, many of our earlier activities were cast aside as incompatible with who we were becoming.
  • I have seen very little porn in my life, all of it as a teenager. Subsequently decided it was dangerous, and chose to stay away from it. I praise God for that choice! I believe my marriage is better because of it.
  • We had both used it individually when we were younger and did not know each other. About 7 years ago our sex life was struggling and we tried it. While it was very helpful we both felt it was wrong.
  • Porn seemed more like an act, we became more comfortable exploring on our own, in our own way.
  • Porn is wrong whether viewing solo or together for many many reasons.
  • It was a “might be fun to copy what was going on in the movie” thing we tried a couple times…actually we turned it off because the cheese factor is just absurd and we did not learn anything that some books had not shown us. My wife thought it was interesting that I did not get an erection while we watched (I was not really turned on by it??) but when she undressed after it was quick to respond!! Made her feel really good as she has it in her mind she is a “mother of 4” and is no longer sexy.
  • Short of a married man+wife watching themselves I believe this practice is sin.
  • Almost can’t believe people watch porn together!
  • Porn did more damage to my sex drive and view of my wife than anything else. Not worth it.
  • Bad choice to watch porn. It created a false sense of reality with me and it gave me an outlet – an easy outlet – rather than deal with the issues in our marriage. Now that I’ve realized that life and our marriage are actually much rockier…but I am confident that when we work it out we will be on firm ground.
  • I wanted to once, but she nipped in the bud. I never tried ever cents. I realized it was not a good idea.
  • It was my wife’s decision to stop but I realized it was the right thing to do. Our sex life has never been better.
  • We watch porn rarely, but enjoy when we do.
  • We learned about the negative and addictive effects of porn along with gaining a better understanding of its sinful nature and that lead us to stop using it.
  • I believe that would be sin
  • I had a porn issue for a while but my wife (thank God) has never had an interest in it. If she did I don’t believe I would of gotten out of it.
  • We stopped watching because we got saved.
  • I’ve been tempted to suggest watching it together, but I think that it is sinful and have read that it has a detrimental affect on others’ marriages.
  • This is something I’ve battled with asking my wife to consider. Mainly to help with techniques on certain acts. I know it’s a bad idea hence the reason I’ve always decided against it. I know the damage would be irreparable. It’s been tempting though because I’m frustrated with certain areas of our sex life that talking about has gotten me nowhere
  • I wish she would watch it with me, but the few times a year that I am actually successful and get a Yes to sex, I don’t want to push my luck. I get the same boring, missionary, duty sex each time, and have to make myself feel grateful for it because even that is infrequent.
  • Porn my make for a better Sexual encounter, but not a better prolonged relationship. To truly enjoy sex you need to connect totally not just physically in my opinion. I wonder if men are hoping that their wives will try things they see in porn? Perhaps a way to start conversation? Women, are you more likely to try something new that you just saw?
  • Sexless marriage for 3 years
  • It’s wrong do watch porn for so many reasons. Most in that industry end up in prostitution. It causes lust in the eyes of the soul for one or both people in the marriage just to name a couple.
  • I was addicted to porn at the time and I belive my wife renting porn videos and buying magazines that we would view together was her attempt to control my addiction.
  • I know it messed my wife up more than me. She struggled with fantasies and images for a long time and still can’t use a vibrator or it takes her to the wrong place mentality.
  • No way no how.
  • We bought and watched some of the “Better Sex” video series. It seemed like a good idea at first. While it bills itself as educational material, it’s really just porn in another wrapper with couples who at least seem to be a couple who love each other instead of two random people stuffed into the same scene. I still wouldn’t recommend it.

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