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Porn Exposure

85 Women and 205 men have answered

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  • Only half the women had seen no porn in the last two months.
  • Only one man in seven has seen no porn in the last two months.
  • Thirty percent of women had intentionally looked at porn in the last two months.
  • Seventy percent of men had intentionally looked at porn in the last two months.
  • Four percent of women and a quarter of the men intentionally used porn at least weekly.
  • Note – we excluded those who said they were not Christians from these numbers.
  • For men, faith had a big effect. No intentional porn exposure:
    • 0% - A follower of Jesus, but not in a big way
    • 11% - A follower of Jesus, moderately serious about it
    • 37% - A follower of Jesus, it's a very big deal to me
  • For women faith seemed to have less effect.
  • For both men and women significant porn use was most common for those age 25-34.

 

Note: The next set of question were only asked of those who do use porn intentionally.

© surveymonkey.com

 

  • Ten percent of women and 8% of men are viewing less porn now than they did a year ago.
  • Thirty-six percent of women and 55% of men are viewing less porn now than they did a year ago.
  • For women less porn use now than last year was the norm for women 45 and older. For men the group most likely to be using more now than last year was those 55 or older.

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  • Twenty-one percent of women said some to all of their porn use was with their husband. Only 6% of men said some to all of their porn use was with their wife. (As seen above, general porn use by men was more than double that for women).
  • Watching porn with their husband was very rare for women over 35.

© surveymonkey.com

  • Half of female porn use and almost a third of male use is never connected to solo masturbation.
  • A third of female porn use, and 39% of male use is connected with solo masturbation half to all of the time.
  • For both men and women masturbation with porn use was most common at ages 25-34, and went down with each older group.
  • For women masturbation with porn use increased with every age group except the oldest, which saw a drop.
  • For both men and women stronger faith meant less masturbation with porn use.

© surveymonkey.com

  • For women 23% of porn use was associated with married sex. For men only 4% was so associated.
  • Increased faith meant a somewhat greater chance that porn use was linked to married sex. This was true for both men and women, but more so for women.

© surveymonkey.com

  • Eighteen percent of men say they have some dependence on porn for having good sex. No women said the same.

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  • Twenty percent of women and 7% of men think porn helps their sex life with their spouse.
  • Thirty-seven percent of women and 55% of men think their porn use hurts their married sex life.
  • A quarter of men and 37% of women think their porn use has no impact on their sex life with their spouse.
  • Level of faith slightly shifted men and women to the negative effect side.
  • Thirteen percent of male porn users and 10% of female users are in sexless marriages.

© surveymonkey.com

  • Seventy percent of men, but only 47% of women want to stop using porn.
  • Eleven percent of men and 17% of women would like to use porn less.
  • Ten percent of men and 17% of women have no desire to stop or reduce their porn use.
  • For men, degree of faith played a bit role here. Those who want to stop were 81% of the strongest faith, 61% of the middle group, and 7% of the lowest faith group.
  • For women faith has little impact on desire to stop.
  • Older women were less likely to want to stop using porn than younger women, with a steady decrease as age increased. The same was true for men, but the change was much smaller.

Note: The next two questions were asked of everyone.

© surveymonkey.com

  • Almost a quarter of women, but only 9% of men think ongoing porn use is absolutely a biblically valid reason for divorce.
  • Forty-two percent to men, but only 18% of women are sure porn does not give one a biblical cause to divorce.
  • Heavier porn use correlated with thinking porn was not a cause for divorce. For example, none of the daily porn using men think it’s a valid cause, while 14% of the none users were convinced it is. A full third of non porn using women think ongoing use justifies divorce.
  • Men age 25-34 were three times more likely to say absolutely than other men, at 22%
  • Women age 35-44 were the most likely to say absolutely, at 31%

© surveymonkey.com

  • Fifteen percent of women but only 1% of men say they have not seen hard porn.
  • Boys see hard porn much younger than girls. A quarter of men saw hard porn before puberty. Only 13% of women saw porn this early.
  • By age 14, 59% of men and 23% of women had been exposed to hard porn.
  • At age 21, only 10% of men and 45% of women had still not seen hard porn.
  • Men who has seen hard porn by 14, based on current age:
      • 25-34 – 70%
      • 35-44 – 70%
      • 45-54 – 52%
      • 55 + - 26%
  • Women who has seen hard porn by 14, based on current age:
      • 25-34 – 44%
      • 35-44 – 15%
      • 45-54 – 13%
      • 55 + - 14%

© surveymonkey.com

  • A quarter of women and 17% of men use something to prevent seeing porn.
  • For men degree of faith correlated to greater use of protective methods. From least serious to most serious about their faith use was 0%, 14% and 20%. For women degree of faith did not make a difference.
  • Use of preventative measures was most common for those who didn’t intentionally use porn. However a third of those intentionally using porn up to weekly were using something – and getting around it. None of those using porn more than once a week were using anything to limit access.

Women’s Comments:

  • I don't find porn at all interesting, and feel very hurt and sad when I have found my husband looking at it. He knows it hurts me and my respect for him but that has not been enough reason for him to abstain from porn use.
  • To me, porn isn't much different than a physical or emotional affair. My husband has dealt with a porn issue over the last several years. I have made it clear additional use will result in my leaving.
  • I love my husband, but sometimes it's hard for me to get "in the mood." I love having sex with him while we're doing it, but it is just hard for me to want it. We have found that watching porn together has helped out our physical relationship tremendously and we are much closer because of that. [Note, this women said being a Christian/Follower of Jesus was a very big deal to her.]
  • I consider some romance novels as porn for women. I've never had a problem with visual porn, but the images the mind creates can be just as bad. It's so easy to get drug into a story that has sex scenes and tell yourself that is just part of the story. My heart knows it's damaging because it distorts expectations and takes your sexual desires to a imaginary character instead of your husband.
  • I have never seen or used porn. I rarely watch even R-rated movies, and I have avoided reading typical romance novels or erotica. I have a porn filter because I found out a couple of months ago that my husband was watching porn a few times a week, and that explained some very unsavory ads I had seen when my stepson was using the computer (innocently). So, I installed Covenant Eyes to protect my stepson.
  • The question about whether porn use is negative or positive to my marriage -I answered "no effect" but really, it has both a positive and negative effect. Positive: helps me embrace my sexuality, becoming more willing to let go and try new things. Ensuring that certain things are OK as a woman to do (such as making noises during sex, touching myself, etc). Negative: I have little self-control-once I’m turned on by porn, I take care of things instead of saving it for my husband (who, by the way, can't make me orgasm anyway-so I never do when we're together (but I used to be able to -before kids)) I originally, and would say I still do, use it only as a means to assuage my curiosity about sexual things. For instance, how do different positions work when the two people are about the same height, or just how do they work period, what do other women's vagina's look like compared to mine, what are ways to talk "dirty" during sex, etc.
  • I hate porn so much...for so many reasons. Always have, always will.
  • Technology is changing faster than our ethical and moral values can keep up with. Pornography plays on men's greatest weakness....lust. It you can't control your lust, learn to control your one-click trigger finger.
  • I have always taken the position that it's a breach of guarding your eyes from evil, a sin, plus a gateway sin. I ended my first engagement to a guy from my Bible College for porn use. To me, it's a non-starter because it's fornication or adultery as Christ talked about - done already in the heart. It's cheating, but I'd rather my husband cheated with a real woman. I can compete with her. She will have real flaws and faults that will eventually come out. No wife can compete with the perfect woman who lives in a man's mind.
  • I was doing a search on miscarriage (because I was having my second miscarriage in three months at age 35) when garbage popped up. I hit quickly the "X" to close the window and each time I did so, another image popped up. RAUNCHY. It felt like sewage dumped into my mind and made me physically ill. It took MONTHS for me to separate what I saw there from the loving goodness, fun and beauty of sexuality in my own marriage. I had to forcefully remind myself that what my husband and I were doing was not trashy, that I was not trashy, nor was I being used, forced, or manipulated. I'm still amazed at the impact only a few seconds had.
  • My extended family used to go to a hotel for a weekend over Christmas, where one of my cousins (female) deliberately turned on HBO to show me and my younger cousins. I must have still been in grade school. I knew it was sex but didn't know people taped that and watched it. It was doggy styles, which I didn't know existed. To this day rear entry positions sometimes feel "wrong" and I have to remind myself they aren't. Any other porn exposure I was older and it doesn't stand out; it was accidental. I personally have never once sought out porn. But I've caught my own sister looking at porn in my apartment when babysitting (kids in bed) and my closest friend from high school used to struggle with porn too as she tried to figure out what to do with her repressed sexuality. The struggle is real.
  • And if I hadn't read an email from another blogger where she was telling about finding porn on pinterest I could have answered no to intentionally looking at it. But because of her letting us know it was there I had to see.
  • My husband was into porn before we got married and introduced me to it. Since my dad read novels that I would consider "racy" now, I just thought that porn in various forms was something all men did. I didn't like it then and never understood the fascination. I had no idea that my husband was still looking at porn regularly until he confessed in 2013, by which time we'd been married 35 years! I've forgiven him, more because gate-keeping was habitual in my life and therefore I probably felt that I had caused his turning to porn more often. I believe he has not looked at porn since but I'm wary about trying "new things" in case it sets him off again (like an alcoholic being taken to the pub). He says it was the story lines that made it interesting; I can understand that because I've read novels that I've had to put down because they got too graphic and was left I satisfied because I didn't know where the story headed, even though the ending was obvious -- the heroine usually gets the hero in the end!
  • Not at all interested in porn.
  • I've viewed porn once in 5 years, I have masturbated 9 times without porn in 5 years. My husband has a porn addiction and masturbation addiction. He does both 3-4 times a week, and he's into hard core masturbation anal with blunt hard objects. We had fun sex toys in my dresser and he was using them on himself. I tossed them in the trash after confronting him about it. We have only had sex 8 times in 5 years, and my husband puts us in a position where it feels like he's masturbating and not with me during sex. It's a huge problem for me. I love sex with my husband. We did it well in the beginning of our marriage.
  • I first saw serious porn as a teen when babysitting my much older brother's kids, and he had a stash. I admit, I like rather hard stuff. Fortunately my husband, who answered this survey a while ago, understands and enjoys it with me. You must realize, we live over on the extreme far end of the bell curve, on the head-of-house, man-in-charge, dominant man with submissive/slave woman end of the scale, and I'm amazingly happy with that. It's why I sought him out specifically, 20+ years ago. In sex, I need to be taken, hard and brutally. Most of the time, I don't want to make love, I need to be fucked. I feel most and best in my place when he has made it clear he has claimed me, that I am owned. Although images may be good, what really gets me going is good fiction, because my imagination is way better than most photographers, and I mostly want my husband to be comfortable taking me in the those ways, not to hold back. (I wasn't aware before today that he was following these tweets. This is the first time he's shown me one of these surveys, which is why my answer here may seem kind of longish.)

Men’s Comments:

  • It's been 9 years since I've intentionally seen any porn. I had a destructive habit that nearly cost me my marriage and my soul. I could never have overcome without mercy and help from my wife.
  • After a few years of marriage began to use internet porn regularly for about 10 years (path of least resistance to my own satisfaction). After a circumcision at 40 (unsure of cause) I had an epiphany about how much my life (my sex life in particular & also my life in general) was actually worth. Resolved to seek sexual satisfaction from my wife & reject the porn. That was about 4 years ago. The porn is pretty much history for me although the temptation remains in the background. A key factor in avoiding it is that my sex life is better and my wife seems to understand that love needs to be shared in real, regular, physical actions. Married 20yrs with 4 kids and my marriage is more stable and as loving as it has ever been. Seems to be more evidence that porn is bad for your health and wellbeing anyway - God's way is far more rewarding from what I can see.
  • I've put protective measures in place so I can't access porn on my computer or phone, but there's always a work-around if one is desperate. My wife is battling depression with a lot going on in her side of the family. We often have weeks without sex. At times of stress, when my wife has made herself unavailable I sometimes default to seeking out a story or image to get aroused and get it over with. I really would trade every single time for intimacy with my wife though!!
  • I think my past use of porn/nudity has affected me, even though I have stopped because it indicates underlying issues, and because I have to relearn intimacy properly. My wife has also had to relearn what I need, and that has helped her with her own issues I believe. I now am only occasionally tempted to look at nudity, etc, and I can usually overcome that because I know it is not satisfying, and that she is ready to love me fully as I need, and to be loved by me. This has proven to be the only way out.
  • I was exposed early to hardcore porn by an older cousin. My father had magazines with nudity as well. I have used porn for most of my adult life. I've been dealing with it (trying to stop) since I realized that it has had (in the past) a negative impact on my sex life with my spouse. I stopped altogether for over a year and then was drawn back into it for a period of time. It's been about a month since the last time. The timing of this survey meant that I had to answer with higher usage than I would hope to have about a month from now (zero). My sex life with my spouse is very good, but the patterns of porn use began long before I met my spouse and they aren't easily discarded. You mentioned software. The fact is that no software can stop/prevent me from using. I know enough about computers to circumvent anything that I want to circumvent, plus there are so many ways to get access that software installed on a home PC is only going to cover a small portion of what is out there. Further, although I never keep "bookmarks" or other links to porn, I cannot forget all of the sites I've visited. It's trivial to find porn and trivial to bypass systems set up to block it. In the end, it comes down to wanting to quit and having appropriate faith and support while trying to do so.
  • From a very early age I had bondage fantasies - these have never changed over the years. I never really encountered porn until the early 2000s and broadband internet, when I discovered some material more or less by accident that directly addressed my early fantasies. I felt validated in ways it's hard to explain. Since marital sex has practically died out, this is now my only sexual engagement - a situation which is far from satisfactory.
  • In a sexless marriage for over 20yrs - porn has saved my marriage - without access to porn I would have been divorced long ago.
  • If you take Jesus's words about lust being adultery in the heart, then porn use is basically just that. I didn't think of it this way when I looked at porn, but I definitely see the damage it caused my marriage. I now have a war inside my mind with the images and thoughts from my past porn use. I seem to never be able to truly forget those, but with much prayer and difficulty, past memories are being recalled less often and my true desire is for my bride alone. It has been about 7 years since I came clean with my bride (The Holy Spirit's conviction doesn't let go) and it has been a long road, but it is definitely worth it. The battle with my mind is the hardest part.
  • Porn/masturbation is used as a supplement because my wife shows disinterest, severe lack of imagination, is terrible at communicating, and has very limited sexual experience compared to my own. My wife is prudish and doesn't masturbate, says she never has the desire to. Personally, I don't think she knows how to bring herself to orgasm. This, in conjunction with her not being good at communicating and her own inhibitions, is a huge strain on our sexual relationship. What's worse, is before we got married our sexual relationship was pretty amazing and she was very outgoing. She made it appear both in her actions and words that our sexual relationship would be amazing. So, there is some resentment that I harbor as a result. This is also hurting our marriage. [Note: This man said being a Christian/Follower of Jesus is a very big deal to him.]
  • This is my biggest struggle and temptation. I usually stumble when it's been a week or longer since my spouse and I had sex. No excuses, but when my wife doesn't fill my needs, I am tempted to view porn. This is followed by days of guilt and shame.
  • Have started doing accountability since lent. Looking to install accountability and filtering software on my devices.
  • In a sexless marriage. The only chance I would get to see a naked female would be via porn. [Note: This man said being a Christian/Follower of Jesus is a very big deal to him. He views porn several times a month, intentionally]
  • The habitual/sometimes daily use of porn in my pre-teen and teen years has not been an easy habit to break. Before I met my wife I hadn't looked at porn in over a year. I unfortunately fell back in to a habit while we were engaged and still once we were married. I knew it was hurting my wife but it seemed to have this hold over me. My wife had struggled with porn use in the past as well, and after much prayer I felt God had revealed to me that even our sex life as a married couple had been tainted with lust and in order to make our pure again God led us to a 40 day fast from all things sexual. In that time I began to see habits in my daily life and thought process that led to the desire to look at porn or even look lustfully at other women. I found that I am a man who is highly susceptible to falling in to many forms of lust and the more time I spend in the things of this world, the harder it is to fight that lust, it's one of the first things to consume my thoughts. However, the more time I spend in the things of God the less lustful thoughts even pop in to my head, it becomes a disgusting thing that I want no part of. So thanks to the power and grace of Jesus Christ I have not looked at porn since December of last year, and I know that may not be very long, but now I know what habits to avoid getting back in to in order to keep porn from even becoming a desire again; I pray god prevents me from ever falling back into those habits or others that may lead to lust finding a place in my heart, and that God would continue to lead all who profess the name of Jesus in to greater holiness and unity of our thoughts and spirit in Christ Jesus.
  • Porn use in past was mostly static images, very little video beyond what is shown in R rated movies. Thankfully I am past that, and with the help of God and my wonderful wife it is not a problem anymore.
  • I was a guilt ridden monthly porn user from high school until 33. I'm now accountable and porn free. My marriage has become so much better since stopping the addiction.
  • I have and Continue to fight against this.. Sometimes more than others.. I have wanted to seek out counseling at times but my wife has told me that is just an excuse to avoid responsibility and if I really loved her I would simply stop. Counseling is just an excuse to keep going
  • Porn was a big issue for me in the past. It did have a negative impact on my marriage. God has done a work in our marriage, and porn is no longer a part of my life. He has also blessed our lovemaking since turning away from this evil thing.
  • My wife has diagnosed with terminal cancer for 4 years and we are basically in a sexless situation - we have made love 3 times in the last year. I'm almost 70 years old I still have sexual needs which I would never go outside the marriage to fulfill. I do have some ED issues and cannot maintain an erection long enough to masturbate to climax without some outside influence and so I use porn for that purpose. [Note: This man said being a Christian/Follower of Jesus is a very big deal to him. He views porn several times a month, intentionally]
  • 3 months porn free and very happy about it.
  • I'm not sure there are any biblical grounds for divorce. If this is, then sexless marriage would be, too. How can a spouse care if you have an affair or porn if sexless. Either sex matters or it doesn't. Can't speak for "addicted," but if sex was at routine and pursued by both spouses frequently and sincerely and passionately it would have no room to grow. Same with MB. [Note: This man said being a Christian/Follower of Jesus is a very big deal to him. He viewed porn intentionally 2-5 times in the last 2 months.]
  • I hate that I at times struggle with viewing pornographic images. I wish I did not have the struggle at all and do my best to resist temptations. I know my triggers are when I feel neglected or frustrated. When I pay attention that those triggers are at work the. I'm able to resist looking at porn. When I get lazy, I falter. I have parameters in place to keep me from viewing porn, so we I so view it I have to intentional circumvent those parameters. I feel terrible when I do this and pray for forgiveness afterwards. I also confess to a brother in Christ sometimes. I am trying, but I'm finding that old habits die hard.
  • ED causes problems that need special attention that the Bible does not address. Some bloggers have attempted to address it, but the solutions vary. Doctors say one thing, pastors say another, bloggers something different. Very difficult to get a straight answer. So, experimentation is one way to go. Checking physical responses, marriage responses, spiritual responses. Then choosing what is best for our marriage. [Note: This man said being a Christian/Follower of Jesus is a very big deal to him. He views porn nearly daily, intentionally.]
  • I am getting older and erections are more difficult to achieve and maintain; even with my naked wife. But, I want to stop, however, even after I've been through Celebrate Recovery, I'm still not able to stop. I simply try to control it at this point. I have been looking at porn and vaginas and naked women all my life. I ask the Holy Spirit daily to not let me do anything stupid. Thank you for your blog and survey. [Note: This man said being a Christian/Follower of Jesus is a very big deal to him. He views porn daily, intentionally.]
  • I see porn as Adultery. Maybe it's not as bad as physical adultery, but God said if you look at another woman lustfully you have committed adultery. The only reason for divorce is for adultery, but if two people work on their relationship, they can bring Jesus back into the relationship, and with God all things are possible. It's hard this day and age to bounce your eyes, because at every turn you see partially dressed women and men, but it is a choice whether you take the second look or not. Thank you for your work in this area, I pray that the survey is successful, and you are able to shed more light on the damage that porn, "a tool of the enemy" can cause on marriage.
  • I was addicted to porn until about two years ago. It sucked up over 30 years of my life and nearly ended my marriage on numerous occasions. I currently work with men trying to break free from porn and strongly believe that all spouses should have a zero tolerance for porn use in their marriages as it contributes nothing to a healthy marriage and always leaves a wake of deviation in its path.
  • The wife is the gatekeeper of sex. She decides what I see, how I see it, when we have sex, what we do, how frequently we do it, ect. Sure there is an illusion of choice usually, but the choices are only what she has already determined are OK. When days turn into weeks of no visual stimulus or sex, I get a little 'pent up'. 10 minutes alone and I am a much happier person. She is aware of my use. She disapproves. She says she wants to help, but tends to blow off my needs. Spiritually, it is something that I have prayed very hard about for a long time. It seems as though there is no answer to those prayers and the desire doesn't leave. So every couple of weeks, I cycle through it again. [Note: This man said being a Christian/Follower of Jesus is a very big deal to him. He views porn several times a month, intentionally.]
  • I don't like most types of porn, the only reason I look on occasion is to get a tiny glimpse or eroticism, which is glaringly absent in or sex life. My wife is the most non sexual person I know and there is no passion or eroticism between us ever. It's been way over 15 years and no sign of her changing. So to fill that need for eroticism, I might look at very specific types of porn once a month or so, it varies. It fills a gap in my life and helps to keep my head down in a difficult relationship, without going to more dramatic types of extremes. I also do not buy into the dogma that porn is inherently sinful, that seems to me an extrapolated and man-made view which I am not persuaded by. It has zero effect on my sex life good or bad, and it's not an addiction or obsession. [Note: This man said being a Christian/Follower of Jesus is a very big deal to him. He viewed porn intentionally 2-5 times in the last 2 months.]
  • I admit I was heavily into porn before we got married, and continued in spurts, especially after our sex life started unravelling, I went back to it to sustain my high sexual drive. Even though we are currently separated because of sexual refusal, in place of looking at porn to go with my masturbation sessions, I reflect on images of when we did have a sexual relationship (albeit very brief), or read erotic "stories" that I've written on the kind of sex we will have someday (God willing).
  • Long-time married (decades). We find we enjoy the same things, generally. Many argue that porn just plain incites unhinged, undirected lust (and thus must be bad), but for us it is more the case that it incites interest in each other (good for us) -- things to talk about, fantasies shared, things we do. It is not a substitution or a preoccupation; it is an enhancement routinely shared. I know you won't agree...and I think I don't care. [Note: This man said being a Christian/Follower of Jesus is a very big deal to him. He views porn several times a week, intentionally.]

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