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Non-sexual Touch and Sex

278 Women have answered the survey
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  • Only three women said “none” or something like it in the comments. One of those said she wants more sex, “can't handle the non-sexual stuff if it isn't going to lead anywhere.”
  • Other includes playing with hair, tickle fights, neck rub, deep passionate kisses, being picked up, hugged from behind, all of the above, anything non-sexual, hand on her leg, caress her face.

 

© surveymonkey.com 

 

  • Less than 10% said it would make no change.
  • Two thirds would feel more wanted and loved if they received more non-sexual touch. Eighty percent of those less than 25 years old said this.
  • More than a quarter say more touch would result in them thinking about sex more often.
  • Forty-two percent say they would be open to sex more often or a lot more often.
  • Forty-five percent say they would want sex more often or a lot more often.
  • Thirty-six percent think they would enjoy sex more or a lot more.
  • In the other several women said it would make no change because they already enjoy sex a great deal. Others said “I would relax more”, “feel more loved a whole person not just a sexual outlet”, “I wouldn't feel like his love and approval depended on sex”, “I already want and enjoy sex, but it would make me feel more secure and cared for in our marriage.”

 

Comments:

  • After growing up with a father who showed no physical affection at all, I am tremendously blessed to have one very affectionate husband. Keeps me feeling very loved and wanted.
  • I would just really love some foot rubs!
  • This question seems so biased to me...you're gonna get the answer you want by the way it's worded. You're assuming women want more no sexual touch...some of us just want more sexual touch or can't handle the non-sexual stuff if it isn't going to lead anywhere!!
  • We are both touchers so there is plenty of touching already happening, but I would always love more. It's a very nice way of saying " I love you, you're mine, I enjoy you" without using words at all.
  • My husband and I touch almost constantly when we are together, so it's hard for me to say how it would change if I had more touching. We already have a great sex life as well. So maybe that's part of it.
  • I have been very open and told my husband that I need these. His response was that if he does this hs afraid I'll never leave him alone about sex. It’s not true and I've accepted this about our relationship and I do just about all of the touching instead.
  • I absolutely think that non sexual touch is very important in engaging my brain with the emotional intimacy between my husband and I. That always helps me feel good about the physical intimacy when the time comes!
  • I want him to cuddle me more often
  • A full-body massage would help me become aroused on a timeline more natural to me, resulting in me being more open to sex by the end of the massage.
  • Obviously I'm starved for my husband's touch. My marriage is nearly sexless. Honestly, I crave for the things I have checked, but I still need sex too. My husband acts like if he every once in a while puts his arm around me in bed for a minute or two, I should be as satisfied as if we had had sex. It is just not so. I don't really want more cuddling in bed until sex is an option. I want the things I have marked, but not at the expense of sex. I would hope these things would increase his desire, but they don't because he refuses. When I make a move toward him (reach to hug him, touch him as he walks by, etc) he shrugs me off. If I ask him to sit by me in a restaurant, he rolls his eyes and sits where he wants. He is content for me to rub his shoulders and back when they ache, but will never reciprocate...whether I'm in pain or just desiring his touch. This is an area of our lives that is no longer up for discussion. I used to try, things only got worse...now it cannot be discussed.
  • Although I'm lucky to get the back rubs and shoulder rubs....and he does hold my hand in the car (after 20yrs)... I long for loving touches, hugs, and kisses. Kisses are something I rarely get. I miss it so much.
  • My husband is great with non-sexual physical touch
  • I am a high drive wife with a lower drive husband and non-sexual touch would help me feel desired even if we aren't necessarily going to have sex.
  • It's discouraging when he starts to touch me (obviously as a come on) and I tell him my period started, or I don't feel good, etc....and he just stops touching me. That makes me feel like it's only about sex. How about responding with something relating to, "that's okay honey, I just want to be close to you"?
  • I feel very loved and cared for by my husband, I am simply more inclined to be affectionate in front of others, while he is more shy about it!
  • My husband does most all the things I desire more of in the realm of non-sexual contact... I would like more though. It doesn't change the fact that I'm hot for him no matter what!
  • Right now I try to avoid touch as possible so I  will not want sex since my husband is being a gatekeeper.
  • I get a lot of non-sexual touch, but I'd love to get more massages. Yay massages.
  • That "feeling less used" is a big one. We all know men need sex (because God made them that way, no fault of their own) but women need to feel connected and touch connects us. If my husband only touches me because he's aroused it doesn't mean anything.
  • We are pretty tactile as it is, but....you can never get too many hugs and kisses!
  • My husband does a lot of touching most days but I do not feel like it is non-sexual. I feel like he touches me more when we haven't made love for a number of days. If I could get that same touch the day after it would make me want him more.
  • My husband is a very touchy guy naturally, I am the one who will need more space.
  • These are the answers I would have given for most of the years of our marriage, when mostly there was only sexual touch. The past four years (after a crisis, of sorts) things have changed. He is giving me all the nonsexual touch I need, and my interest increased even more than I would have thought. I feel so much more loved and cared for, and I am certain we both are much happier with the quantity and quality of our sex life!
  • Nonsexual touch is extremely important to me. It's a need, not a want. I'm divorced. During my first marriage, when he only touched me just before sex, I felt used and hurt. My current husband is wonderful about physical affection of all kinds, and it makes all the difference in the world. I desire him more. The nonsexual touches show he loves me and cares for me and cherishes me. One problem I had the first marriage was that my ex-husband didn't want to touch me in public at all. I would be jealous of all the women that had husbands with their arms around them or holding their hands. To me, it made me think he was ashamed of me. It shut me off from him completely.
  • My love language is mainly physical touch. I would always want more. When the children were young, I was all touched out. Now that we're almost empty nesters, I am back to my touchy-feely self.
  • The physical is nice- the conversation with the touches at the same time are my favorite..
  • The spouse should emailed this test with answers, of the person who sent the test.
  • Touch is my love language, so more touch (especially random, throughout-the-day sexual touch) means I'm feeling loved and more likely in the mood for sex.
  • I need to clarify here: physical touch is my LOWEST love language. It is my husband's highest. I don't feel the need to be touched and in fact will recoil from touch if I'm not prepared for/seeking it. So I don't really need "more" touch to feel sexually interested. Maybe even less (but that would be bad for him since he needs it).
  • I'm always interested in sex so I don't think my interest would change but I would feel more loved even though he's not interested. It's an affirmation of his affection for me not expressed sexually.
  • Without regular touch, the emotional connection wanes.
  • We have a great sex life. But sometimes I feel like its just all physical. The only time he touches me is during sex. More non-sexual touch would make me feel more emotionally connected in the bedroom.. thus making sex so much better. :)
  • Being cherished.... I need to feel more of that.
  • My husband is very attracted to me and tries to give me non-sexual touch but he always gets turned on. I feel like every time he kisses, hugs, or touches me it has to turn into sex or he will be disappointed. Most of the touching he gives me is sexual though and I've become annoyed by it. I think if he was able to control his desires and give me more non-sexual touch, I would enjoy and initiate sex more.
  • I have a fantastic husband with the right ideas and patient with me.
  • My husband is already pretty good at these things but I don't think I can ever have too much!
  • Honestly, I had to think quite a bit to come up with my answers. My husband is super affectionate, which I'm a big fan of. It would just take a LOT for me to say I wouldn't enjoy more.
  • When we got married my husband’s touch went straight from non-sexual to completely sexual ALL THE TIME. Any time he touches me throughout the day it is sexual. I don't mind it because I know he wants me, but I also crave non sexual touching to reaffirm that he still wants me NOT JUST for the sex. I have to beg him to give me a back rub or to play with my hair. I'm just tired of being grabbed all the time. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he loves and adores me, but I'm tired of feeling like a pair of boobs and a vagina for him.
  • Hubby does many things on the list, but I would love more massages and longer kisses and hugs. I do so much for him, often I don't feel reciprocated.
  • I would feel less like my only purpose is to feed and please him. He's an amazing man, honestly...but absorbed in his world and doesn't notice me as often as he once did. Though I suppose that's just how it goes, eh?
  • My husband is very affectionate and we are touching a lot during the day, cuddles kisses and hand holding takes place all day!! Our physical relationship is amazing!!
  • Showing affection more often even if it just a touch as he walks by shows he thinks about me and cares more than just about sex. If he only touches me when we go to bed then it feels like I am only being used for his pleasure.
  • Sex for women, starts outside of the bedroom. So if your husband shows no interest until he wants sex, how can I feel anything other than used?
  • We touch each other a lot but he usually wants sex with it. We have sex twice a day as it is, sometimes I just want more intimacy.
  • Being a woman with a disability...it affects our sex life. We have challenges able-bodied couples do not and while we have navigated our way around some of them, there are others that still affect us both.
  • My husband does a good job of holding hands, hugs,and kisses already. I am the higher drive spouse -we do have sex 2-4/week but i would love to feel desired and wanted.
  • I already love and enjoy sex with my man, and he knows my need for physical touch so he will be touchy feely when not exhausted from work, but a nice massage would be awesome!
  • More public displays of affection would show the world he is proud that I am his wife and make me feel good and loved.

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