User Rating:  / 3
PoorBest 

Married & Masturbating?

215 women and 475 men have answered
Take the survey

 

This survey started with the following explanation: For this survey, masturbation means solo sex. Do not include masturbating together or in bed next to your spouse.

 

© surveymonkey.com

  • Ninety-nine percent of men and 80% of women masturbated prior to being married.
  • Seventy-five percent of men and 23% of women masturbated at least weekly.
  • Twenty-two percent of men and 4% of women masturbated at least daily.
  • Seven percent of men and 2 percent of women masturbated more than once a day.
  • Among women being more serious about following God slightly reduced frequency of masturbation, but the correlation was very weak.
  • For men there was no clear correlation between devotion to God and masturbation. (It should be noted the question Christianity was about now, not prior to marriage.)
  • Among men, age did not have any impact on how many had masturbated. However, masturbation daily and more than daily were higher for men 25-34.
  • For women there were no statistically relevant differences based on age.

 

© surveymonkey.com

  • Seventeen percent of women and twelve percent of men think it is always wrong for a married person to masturbate.
  • Eight percent of both men and women think it’s only okay if the person is being refused sex.
  • Forty-three percent of men and 39% of women don’t think it’s wrong, but think it needs to be limited.
  • Twenty-four percent of men and 28% of women think masturbation in marriage is only okay if the spouse knows it’s being done.
  • Thirty-one percent of men and 24% of women find it acceptable in general.
  • How serious people were about their Christianity has some influence here. Those who were more serious were more likely to say it’s always a sin and less likely to say it’s okay. The difference was greater for men than for women.

 

 surveymonkey.com

  • Eighty-five percent of men and 69% of women have engaged in solo masturbation at least once in the last three months.
  • Religious conviction has a small impact here. For the most devout men only 83% had masturbated, compared to 88% of moderately devout men and 90% of less devout men.
  • For women masturbation had occurred for 68% of the most devout, 72% of the moderate devout, and 75% of the less devote.
  • Age affected the answers for women on this. Those under 25 were the least likely to have masturbated, at 47%. Those 25-34 were at 68%. For those 35-54 74% had masturbated, and 64% of those over 55 had done so.
  • Among men masturbation had occurred or 86% of those 25-34, 89% of 35-44 year olds, 82% of those 45-54, and 76% of those over 55.

 

surveymonkey.com

This question was asked only of those who said they had masturbated in the last three months. Only one answer was allowed.

 

  • Seventeen percent of women and 10% of men say their spouse not only knows, but has encouraged them to masturbate. The same percentage of both genders said their spouse is fully aware of how often they masturbate. This means the spouses of one fifth of the men and a third of the women are fully aware of their masturbation.
  • Twenty-one percent of men and 13% of women say their spouse is aware they masturbate, but do not know how often they do it.
  • Eight percent of men and 3% of women say their spouse is aware, but thinks it happens less often than it actually does.
  • Twenty four percent of men and 19% of women say their spouse knows they might masturbate on occasion.
  • Seventeen percent of men and 1% of women say their spouse may suspect, but does not know.
  • Ten percent of men and 19% of women think their spouse has no idea they masturbate.
  • This means 80% of men and 66% of women have been less than fully honest with their spouse about their solo masturbation.
  • The more serious a woman was about her faith, the less likely she was to have been fully honest with her husband about her masturbation.
  • For men being more devout meant being more likely to have been fully honest.

© surveymonkey.com

This question was asked only of those who said they had masturbated in the last three months.

 

  • Few people masturbate the same amount day in and day out. Only 8% of women and 11% of men indicated this was their pattern.
  • For the vast majority of men – 73%, masturbation frequency is a direct result of how often the couple is having sex. This was also the most common answer for women, at 39%.
  • Twenty-two percent of men and 12% of women masturbate more when separated from their spouse.
  • Twenty-one percent of men and 19% of women say they sometimes masturbate more because they feel they just can’t get enough sex at times.
  • Thirty percent of women are aware their cycle affects how often they masturbate.
  • Under “other” 3% of women said they do it when their husband fails or refused to satisfy them during sex. Two percent of women said they do it to get to sleep.

© surveymonkey.com

This was asked only of those who masturbated in the last three months.

 

  • For 22% of women and 10% of men solo masturbation occurs less than once a month .
  • Twelve percent of women and 8% of men masturbate about once a month.
  • Thirty one percent of women and 26% of men masturbate 2 or 3 times in an average month.
  • This means 65% of women and 44% of women masturbate less than once a week.
  • Seventeen percent of women and t24% of men masturbate 4 to 6 times a month.
  • Nine percent of women and 19% of men masturbate 7-14 time a month (1½ to 3 times a week).
  • Nine percent of men and 5% of women masturbate 15-22 times a month.
  • Fourteen percent of men and 9% of women masturbate more than three times a week.
  • Age had little effect on this for men. Among women, those aged 45-54 masturbated more often, with 16% masturbating 23 times a month or more. This compares to 2% of women 35-44 and none for other age groups.

 © surveymonkey.com

This was asked only of those who masturbated in the last three months.

 

  • Twenty-two percent of both men and women said they masturbate because they just enjoy doing it even when they are having plenty of sex.
  • For men “I’m higher drive” was the most common reason for masturbation. Forty-four percent sometimes masturbate so as not to “bother their wife” and 42% do it because their wife refuses them sex.
  • Higher drive was also a common reason for women masturbating. Twenty percent of women do it so as not to bother their spouse, and 22% do it because they are refused.
  • Masturbating for stress relief was common for both genders – 43% of men and 35% of women.
  • To help them get to sleep was a reason for masturbation for 33% of men and 32% of women.
  • Thirty-five percent of men and 24% of women masturbate when they are apart from their spouse overnight. Additionally 18% of men and 6% of women masturbate when their spouse is sick.
  • Thirty-seven percent of women have masturbated because their husband left them unsatisfied during sex.
  • Twenty-nine percent of men masturbate when their wife has her period, and 16% of women masturbate to relive menstrual cramps.
  • Twenty-seven percent of men and 9% of women masturbate to keep from getting mad when their spouse says no to sex.
  • Eighteen percent of men and 20% of women do it when they are horny but too busy or too tired for sex.
  • Twelve percent of men and 5% of women say they masturbate in conjunction with porn use.
  • Ten percent of men and 6% of women say they masturbate because they are in a sexless marriage.
  • The “other” answers were all over the place, nothing repeated much.

 

Women’s Comments:

  • I'm a high drive wife and because of my husband's long work hours and lower desire sex is usually limited to once on the weekends. And sometimes lately, due to entering menopause, reaching orgasm is difficult and does not always happen. That means going 2 weeks without many times and the frustration will build up until I finally take care of myself to relieve stress.
  • My husband and I have never gone that route solo, but on occasion will use it together as foreplay :) Both of us enjoy watching the other as it can be a big turn on just watching the other getting turned on! :) It is a shared activity--never solo--and we only started in the last couple of years also. Prior to that, both of us were raised very strongly that it was wrong and selfish so it was something that felt very awkward to both of us at first. With time, we have become to enjoy it together as another level of foreplay.
  • I'm not sure I'd say masturbation in marriage is "wrong" but it can be hurtful if we're not careful.
  • I don't think there is a simple answer to this question. For some couples it may be OK; for others, only in certain circumstances; and for others, it may have negative effects on their marriage/sex life. It may also depend on attitude/frame of mind at the time. It is an issue that still confuses me. My husband sometimes masturbates when he is away with work but I won't because I feel uncomfortable about doing anything sexual without him. Also, it is possible to masturbate regularly even if you believe it's wrong!
  • To my shame, I refused my husband for close to 20 years. &, during that time I masturbated, sometimes lying right next to him while he slept, at least two to three times a week.
  • I did it a couple times at my husband’s insistence. Not for me
  • It is ok only when masturbating together.
  • It shouldn't be needed but there are times (illness / post-partum issues) when it might be & that's ok as long as occasional & not habit forming...
  • We also masturbate together.
  • It’s been a hard couple of years and the stress has just caused my husband’s libido to drop. Sometimes I try to masturbate just to feel something but it obviously doesn’t compensate for not connecting emotionally...
  • I think it's only ever if he or I are away from each other, otherwise we should please each other.
  • I don't have a desire to masturbate because it doesn't satisfy the need for connection for me. And our sex life has been extremely strained since I woke up one night to my husband masturbating next to me. I'm desperate for sex & feeling connection starved more days than not, yet he couldn't wait for me to wake up?? That was 7 months ago & it hasn't been the same since.
  • I don't really think masturbation is wrong in and of itself, but I do think it's a tricky area. For me, the moral dilemma comes in the form of where a person's heart/mind is at. For example, if my husband has to be away for business or we are apart for a long while and he needs that release but is thinking only of me, I don't really think it's wrong. If he is thinking of anyone but me...I have a problem with that. Same for me as a wife. I think if a spouse is masturbating in a marriage and distance or a physical ailment/health issue is not part of the equation that might be a good point for discussion. It's my honor as a wife to serve my husband in many ways, not least of all being there to meet his physical needs and I would be sad if he didn't find that fulfillment with me. I would see masturbation in our marriage as a clue that I needed to offer marital refreshments more frequently. Bottom line in my mind: this is kinda one of those gray areas and each person/couple needs to work out for themself what they believe, why they believe it and live according to their conviction.
  • I don't feel like I have a definitive answer, but I tend to think there are special situations (pelvic rest in pregnancy or military deployments, for instance) where it would be okay.
  • My husband has been very open in talking about this, and I was very ignorant about men, so I've learned a lot! My church taught that m. is always sinful and wrong, while my h. has a very healthy attitude toward it. He tells me that he doesn't m. now, but in his previous marriage (he was a widower when I married him), he did at times as they were both older and he sometimes didn't finish otherwise. I saw him getting himself 'ready' on our wedding night and was so shocked!
  • My husband has never taken the time to learn about what feels good to me. He wants me to use a vibe all the time. Sometimes I wish my husband had the skills of a previous boyfriend (who knew how to take me there better than I knew how). If my husband only knew what he was missing.
  • It is crucial to guard my thoughts during masturbation, to make sure I only think of my husband.
  • I do not enjoy doing it but have tried a few times recently to become more comfortable with my sexuality and my husband knew about it. I didn't enjoy it. It's like tickling yourself...not funny!
  • I don't feel there is anything wrong with occasional masturbation. If it has been a while since we have had sex, I really try not to masturbate on a day where there is a good shot of having sex that night. I want to desire sex with my husband and don't want masturbation to replace the best outlet.
  • Difficult to answer the question about frequency, since I don't keep track.
  • For a spouse who truly want to meet his/her spouse's sexual needs, in a generous way, it is extremely hurtful to learn that spouse is still masturbating... even if you are thinking of your spouse while doing it. I felt robbed by my husband. We were having sex two-four times a week and yet he was still masturbating. I felt like I would never be enough for him, like I was totally inadequate or there was something wrong with me that he still felt the need to have sex with himself regularly. We have since had a very honest (and scary vulnerable) conversation where I explained how hurt I was and that I wanted him to find that satisfaction in me alone. He agreed to stop because until then he just thought "it's not hurting anyone." He was wrong. It was hurting me and hurting our marriage, therefore it was hurting him too. Since then our sex life has been amazing! I feel sexy and beautiful and confident knowing I have one happy hubby! (That said, I was eager to--even excited to--rise to the occasion and keep up with him as the higher drive spouse. If your spouse is not generous in this way to the point that you just NEED release in-between sexual encounters, my heart breaks for you that your spouse has put you in that position. I am so sorry.)
  • I don't feel mb is a problem as long as we are thinking of our spouse during it. I would be ok with my husband imagining me in the shower with him, but extremely upset if he would masturbate to porn. That I would consider cheating, comparable to adultery.
  • We have an agreement that I can masturbate as often as I'd like, but my husband cannot masturbate. I tell him when I masturbate, which is often due to a very high drive. He encourages me to do it as often as I want. Our agreement doesn't allow him to masturbate because he refused me for a long time in which he masturbated behind my back. Now, we want his sexual energy to be reserved only for me. If we were apart for an extended period of time, I wouldn't mind if he masturbated as long as he told me and porn wasn't involved.
  • Maybe once a year I break down and relax myself. I usually am frazzled and cannot relax or in pain and cannot wait until bed time when he is home.
  • Sex is not pleasure to me. It's just another thing on the list. I give it about once a week or he turns into a complete butt head and I can barely stand him. After 20 yrs he still can't bring me to orgasm. It might happen once a year, without my assistance. Oh and breasts are not chew toys. Total turnoff. If your hands are rough, slip on a thin plastic glove....totally better for the woman. If you have stubble on your chin, don't rub it on our privates. Just some hints for other hubbies out there, cause mine won't take any of that into consideration. Also remember that some of us are prone to infection with sex or sexual acts....be kind, gentle and considerate. Wish things were different for us. But hey, as long as he gets his 'release' that's all that matters. Right?........
  • We each masturbate separately and together. I love to see my husband do it and he loves seeing me. Often it's part of foreplay.
  • Hubby encourages on the nights he is just too tired or we are separated. I am very high drive. He is average drive and does his best to keep up with me.
  • Normally I just do it to finish what was started with sex.
  • My husband and I have chosen to never masturbate without the active participation of the other. We feel it is a form of infidelity to be sexual without your spouse. There were times in the very early part of our marriage that we both masturbated without the other present and found it damaged our relationship and intimacy.
  • I have a very high sex drive and At times I feel the need to have a release. My husband works nights and sometimes multiple in a row which leaves it impossible for days at times!

 

Men’s Comments:

  • For most men who use porn for masturbation, it is a self-medication action because there's something inside that is empty/ hurting and needs medication.
  • I have to jump thru so many hoops with her it's just not worth it when you get there emotionally or physically
  • Did Masturbate often prior to becoming a Christian once saved felt convicted and didn't masturbate at all after that got married about three years after conversion
  • I want to stop masturbation but I do not know how.
  • We only have sex once a month.... And she refuses to do anything sexual at all outside of that.. I am trying to fight porn and even without that there are times the need just gets overwhelming.
  • Not good if it steals from spouse.
  • I presume you're asking about solo masturbation not mutual masturbation as an aspect of foreplay. It was very destructive early in our marriage. I struggle to overcome the habitual sin. Life, our marriage, and my relationship with Christ have all improved substantially in the years since I stopped.
  • My wife and I have sex about once a month or less. When we do have sex it is physically satisfying but there is no intimacy at all, at least not for me. She want to climax, then she finishes me, then wants to get back to her to-do list as soon as possible. It's what I imagine sex with a prostitute must be like. I've tried many times to talk about it but she gets offended and defensive and that is the end of it. We've been friends for 30 years and this is a second marriage for the both of us. It's like we've not been able to make the transition from being friends to being married. I'm depressed and irritable and hopeless.
  • Broke the habit long before getting married.
  • I was a compulsive masturbator and heavy porn user for 30 years. I have been able to completely stop that and for the past 5 years have not viewed porn nor have I masturbated. I never thought that would be possible. But it was either lose my marriage or make some serious changes. Well, my marriage was pretty much destroyed by then anyway so it was all about the choice to rebuild it. My wife and I don't think masturbation is wrong, but for me it is best not to do it at all.
  • I only think of her. Chronic stress has shut her down. Restore, O God!
  • My wife works long hours 3 times a week and is always too exhausted for sex. She knows I masturbate at least once during those three days - I always talk to her about it and she finds it a turn on. After 31 years of marriage we understand each other and know what works. We both agree that frequent ejaculation is good for prostrate health and I don't use porn and it's not done in secret.
  • At almost 60, we have developed many ways for intimacy. Toys, masturbation, oral, intercourse, often all of the above in a single session. It was a long road to where we are but totally enjoyed the trip!
  • After several years of marriage, my wife and I came to the conclusion that masturbation is allowed occasionally. The condition that we put on it is if either of us does masturbate, we have to tell the other person. This has worked well to act as accountability and rain in any selfish behavior. We have good communication in our marriage, and we are both very sex positive.
  • Do it sometimes. Don't like it. Feels incomplete and alone. Wife would never like to watch or do together - she'd think gross. I'm positive she's never tried bc once when I asked her to run her nipples during sex she stopped and later told me she doesn't like that.
  • This is something that we both have become comfortable with in our marriage. It certainly didn't start that way. Both of us felt it was wrong and both were uncomfortable even discussing it. However, as we aged and matured, so did our understanding of each other's asexual needs. I have a much higher sex drive than my wife and have a physical condition that requires fairly consistent ejaculation (spermatocele) where if I don't, I have significant pain. I even have had unsuccessful surgery to correct the problem. Sometimes I take care of it and at other times it is together. I am also a former pastor who after study and counseling with other pastors have changed my views on it. When part of an open and honest marriage, it can be a proverbial tool in a couple's sexual tool bag. However, it should be open to discussion and admission. The use of pornography should never be part of this as porn can and does destroy marriages and lives.
  • I may be in a virtually sexless marriage, but I'm beginning to take some of the ownership for that. I Love my bride intensely. there is no indication that she was ever directly sexually abused, but she was definitely psychologically abused. Her parents withheld love and her brother outright taunted her. Her family also has no tradition or mechanism for apologizing. So none of those wounds have even fully healed. There is only so much that I can do to build her up when her memories work against her. I have tried to find ways to approach her that work for her. Romancing her is extremely hard since she doesn't like or want anything romantic and doable. (No to flowers, candies, chocolates, jewelry, hair adornments, clothes, lingerie, perfumes, candles, soaps, personal emails phone calls or texts[her company explicitly monitors all communications and owns her cellphone]) The only things acceptable are sunflower seeds (but they aggravate her lips) and acts of service=mop the kitchen floor. She has called all of the other things useless and frivolous at one time or another. But there is a beautiful lady in there. I just haven't found the key to unlock her. Over the years I have given up and resorted to my hand. full-disclosure=I have used porn. She has caught me two or three times. I have self-disclosed to her two other times. I have an accountability mentor. I very little opportunity to access porn now. But yes I do have favourite themes in my memory. At least three times - independent from porn use or discussion - she has raged at me. She has told me that she hates me and that she hates everything about sex. She has never offered an apology or retraction. This has left me with substantial fear about broaching the subject with her. So, in fear, I resort to my hand. My drive is strong, but my fear is stronger. What can I do? For one thing I can pray and for another I can hope, and I can ask for prayer. I still see her as a victim/gatekeeper. In the mean time I fight my drive, I fight my fear, I fight my despondency and I try not to fight my bride.
  • I have masturbated my whole life. I don't believe it is right, but it is my go-to method for relieving stress. I wish I could replace it with something else.
  • My wife has been struggling with an extended illness. Many times she is just too tired. On a couple of occasions I would snuggle with her while I did it. This made her feel guilty which was not my intent. I just wanted the physical release and to have it " with her". So now I just take care of it in the privacy of the shower.
  • I don't think mutual masturbation is wrong, but solo masturbation is, especially without the spouses consent.
  • I masturbated at least once a day before marriage. After marriage, the only times I masturbate when I am out of town for work.
  • I do feel it is wrong and something my spouse would not feel happy about if my spouse finds out. Stopping altogether would be best as it’s not my spouse's fault that I masturbate.
  • Nowhere does Scripture forbid non-addictive, non-porn-based, non-illicit-fantasy masturbation. Masturbation is absolutely possible with pure thoughts of desire towards my wife (or if I am a single towards my future potential wife). As Christians we make the lives of our teens and singles FAR more difficult than they need to be by disallowing one of the vents for pent-up sexual energy. In old Israel, if a youth came to a priest and asked what to do because he masturbated (= emission of semen), the prescription would be IDENTICAL to a woman in her period. It is not a sin!
  • I use masturbation as a release valve of sorts - it keeps me from wanting to use porn and helps me last longer with my wife when we are together.
  • She is catholic and we are over 60. She insists on the catholic way of sex. Only intercourse and anything else is not acceptable. I give her intercourse and she usually climaxes. I usually do not as I spend all my effort doing intercourse. If I do climax I usually have a 2 out of 10 pleasurable experience. I have had both knees replaced and can only stand at the edge of the bed while she lays on the bed at the edge. I am rather small only 3 inches erect and since I have used most of my energy intercoursing her I usually do not last very long. Wife will not stimulate me orally or manually to get me erect again. So I usually end up with not much satisfaction. So I end up masturbating to reach orgasm as I am horny and turned on and am left to fend for myself. She will not research other ways to have sexual fun and pleasure as she believes her way - The catholic way is the only way. When I masturbate the pleasure is much more intense and satisfying as I am not expending all the energy and I can just enjoy the pleasurable feelings.
  • My drive and "need for release" is considerably higher and I do it more to keep her from having to worry about it than anything. We also have three very young kiddos and that puts a lot of strain and stress on us throughout the day, leaving us exhausted (especially her) and I don't want to add to one more need she has to meet. Other than that, she tries to meet my needs as best as she can and we have sex once every three to five days on average, so all things considered in this season, I feel blessed since it's definitely not on her mind at all as much as it is for me!
  • I would rather have sex with my wife. But she doesn't want to. And I'm angry about her non interest. So I go masturbate.
  • My wife encourages it as needed, and is normally a part of it. She will rub my nipples and watch. It used to be a problem when I was stuck in porn and in the few years after it. It's now been about 5 years porn free!!! She know if/ when I masturbate it's only thinking about her. By the way, tip for while the wife is away for a while, I will only masturbate in the shower where any access/ temptation to porn would be destroyed. Anywhere other than in the water, I still don't trust myself (when she is out of state, somehow no temptation when she is here).
  • Only ok when done to the spouse.
  • It feels selfish and there for seems like a sinful act? I also feel it is a lack of self-control on my part?
  • This has been off limits for me since marriage since my wife isn't comfortable with me "taking care of myself". However, we have done it together as an alternative to intercourse during those times when "regular sex" isn't possible (after a baby). My wife feels free to use a toy alone, since I've encouraged her to.
  • I don't view any of the options I selected as valid reasons, but they would have been my rationalization at the time. At times when my wife has refused me,(which has never been any kind of extended period, we just will sometimes have a bad week) even if she has no good reason, has a bad attitude, and is in the wrong, it's no justification for me to go and act like I don't need her. If I'm thinking rightly, it's an opportunity to love her through a tough moment and extend a little grace and love her more than my own pride, and consider her more than I do that unruly member in my loins for a day or two, for crying out loud.
  • I feel like the only time we have ever had a "normal" sex life is when she's trying to get pregnant. But it's not even normal then, it's like cramming for a quiz, 10 times in a week and then nothing for a month. Once she's pregnant its 9 months + 6 weeks after without sex... That is why I do it. The only times I think she knows I do it is when she's pregnant...
  • One to one relationship between sex with her and solo masturbating. The weeks we have sex twice, no masturbation. SADLY, those weeks are few and far between - MAYBE 1-2 per year. I'm lucky if we have sex once a week. More often it's twice a month. It' still difficult to handle after 33 years of marriage.
  • I am in a serious relationship, but not formally engaged yet. While we do not have intercourse, I liken time spent making out to time spent "having sex".
  • I want my wife first/foremost. I prefer not to masturbate. I masturbate because wife says no. It does not diminish how much I orgasm with her. She will masturbate when I am gone and then not need/want sex with me when I am home thus reducing the amount of sex/orgasms she has with me. She claims it is OK since I masturbate. Deluded, bizarre rationalization.
  • Didn't masturbate for several years before being married but a lot as a teen.
  • I would rather never masturbate. Sexual frequency dramatically decreases my desire to masturbate. Typically we have sex in our marriage roughly once a month. My desire level is 1 to 2 times per week. I make up that difference on my own.
  • I believe if doing it becomes a replacement for initiating intimacy with my wife, it needs to stop. She should always be my first preference. Cranking one out will always be easier and faster and not have any chance for rejection. However, as men, we're called to pursue our wives emotionally and physically and taking the easy way out is not what being a man is about. So I work hard to make sure it's not replacing my time with my wife.
  • I think it's ok to learn about what works and what doesn't work. It can be useful learning. However, I don't think it should take the place of sex. In fact, perhaps not doing it will help give incentive to address marriage relationship issues that you can ignore for a while if you masturbate.
  • I have masturbated at two different points in my marriage. I masturbated 5 times in a 2 month period when me and my wife were not intimate for those two months and then a month later when she was out of town. Both times I have come clean with her but it has destroyed the trust we once had and it has caused our marriage to struggle mightily. She views masturbation as an affair and we are working through that damage.
  • I am finding that it is not satisfying, but what I really want is to share sex with my wife more than my need for release. I really want to make Love. I am sometimes at odds with myself when then need for release is so strong. (We have sex several times a month. She has low drive. We are trying to talk about it more.)
  • I feel that if a spouse does not fulfill the marital duties then the husband/wife has to take care of pleasuring themselves. I do not have a problem with that.
  • MB is "off the table" because it denies my bride my need of her blessings.
  • I'll admit it, I'm scared to admit that I masturbate to my wife. I've even lied about it to her face. I find it to be more of a compulsion now than a 'coping' mechanism.
  • Porn used to be a problem but God has freed me from it. I still have to be on guard to watch. Out for temptation to rear its head in porn and many other areas.
  • Sometimes it feels like married men that MB are all accused of choosing this over sex with their wife. I suppose it is so for some, but I never ever preferred or chose MB over real sex with my wife. MB is a pure physical release, and not by any measure comparable to the oneness I feel when having sex with my wife and in the minutes and hours to follow.
  • I like the feel, love sex with my wife more though.
  • If I'm going to do it by myself, she knows. Most often it is because she is not in the mood, or we are apart and she encourages it. Other times it is while we are together but she doesn't want anything herself, so she will "assist" but with me doing the work so she has no mess to worry about. It is not our primary activity, but it is one of the get us by until we have more time measures we employ.
  • My wife has ZERO patience. The few times she's said yes to sex in the past 2 years, she's easily "done". It frustrates me, so sometimes it's just easier and less stressful to take care of it myself. I hate that it's like this. It used to not be this way. I think recent medications she's started has pretty much killed her drive.
  • I have recently asked my wife if I can do it beside her in bed to control my thoughts and if she is too tired. She has agreed reluctantly as she says she would prefer we have sex.
  • I've been finally addressing a 30+ year old porn addiction over the last year and have been really trying hard to not only avoid porn but also not to masturbate and only climax with my wife. I will still sometimes touch myself to arousal but not go beyond the point of no return & ejaculate.
  • I see nothing wrong with it but I'm ashamed even to talk about it.
  • I think another prerequisite to masturbation being okay in marriage is consent. If the spouse is aware, great. But does he/she approve? If not, it has no place.
  • Masturbation is not wrong by itself. It's lust and you can't masturbate while thinking about your taxes.
  • Just deprived.
  • Since my wife has declared us a non-sexual marriage, I told her I will just rely on my sex toys. Pretty sad.
  • I have plenty of satisfying sex in our marriage. I just do it sometimes for the heck of it. No real reason to do it.
  • To clarify, I think solo masturbation is wrong, but masturbation with my spouse is an awesome part of sex.
  • There were times in our marriage when I did masturbate, but as I've grown older, I don't find it satisfying. I want more than just the physical release of ejaculation, I want the emotional and spiritual connection with my wife. Still, when we go weeks without sex, I'm tempted, but even if I try, it's not satisfying.
  • Masturbation's not sinful in and of itself, but the fantasy that typically accompanies it can be. For that reason, and because my body is for.my wife, my bride and I have chosen not to masturbate.

 

CMBA

Christian Marriage Bloggers Association

  

Support TMB

razoo-red

Want to Talk?

message-boards

Come join us on the TMB forum. A safe place for Christians to talk about sex.