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Is There Sin in Your Marriage Bed?

243 women and 345 men have answered
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NOTE: There were some problems with this survey (noted below). We will redo this later with better choices.

© surveymonkey.com

  • Saying no was slightly more common with age. The “no” answers ranged from 63% for those under 25 to 82% for those over 45.
  • Women are more than five times as likely to be doing something they think is sin.

© surveymonkey.com

This question was asked of those who were doing something their spouse thought was sin as well as those who were doing something they thought was sin. Should have had an “I don’t think it is sin” choice.

  • For women pressure from their husband was a big reason for doing something they felt was sin.
  • For men “I like it too much to stop” was a common reason.
  • The most common “other” reason for women was that their husband enjoys it.
  • For men the most common other was she thinks it is sin, he does not.

© surveymonkey.com

This question was also asked of those doing what they think is sin and those doing what their spouse thinks is sin. It should have allowed multiple choices, but did not.

  • Porn was the most common sexual sin for men and women.
  • Most “other” answers were two or more of those listed.

Women’s Comments:

  • The only thing we aren’t doing is having sex. With each other or anyone.
  • I have confronted him and we’ve gone through councilling and are rehabilitating our relationship after several years of porn addiction and non-consensual sex within our marriage.
  • I don’t think any monogamous sex within the confines of a marriage is a sin.
  • How can any sex act be sin if you are married????
  • Just love sex
  • Nothing in the marriage bed is sin, except for involving a third party (including porn). As long as neither is hurt by the act, emotionally or physically, it’s okay.
  • As long as it’s between a man and a woman, that are married to each other, sex in any way is not sinful.
  • There is NO sex of any kind going on in my marriage bed. So the problem isn’t whether something is happening that I don’t think should be…rather that something isn’t happening that I think should be! My husband will only have sex with me once in about every nine months or so. And when we do, it’s missionary position. No sin there. I dare not ask for anything else or something different, lest I be completely shut out. We are currently at 10 months with no sex.
  • I don’t consider self-stimulation with your spouse or oral sex a sin. If you both agree and are comfortable, I don’t think God has a problem with pleasuring each other in those ways. Those are a bit legalistic & Jesus was against legalism.
  • I used to think that a lot of what we did was sinful but age and wisdom (!) have taught me otherwise. I think the only sinful thing (apart from adultery) that couples can indulge in is pornography. I don’t think masturbation, oral or anal sex are sinful but I think a lot of Christians do.
  • kissing always
  • we have both been married once before, and have practiced celibacy 4 years

Men’s Comments:

  • I dont believe there any sexual act between a husband and wife can be a sin as long as sex stays between that husband and wife. Obviously some things are more ‘risky’ than others in terms of what body parts have been designed for, but as for being wrong between a husband and wife… I dont think so.
  • I selected “NO” but in full disclosure a complete truth would be “Not anymore”. We did have sex prior to marriage and I used to look at porn on occasion. I quit the porn as one of the steps in fixing myself to be the husband I’m called to be. Putting this sin behind me was a major wake up call to her that I had done a lot to improve myself and ultimately what convicted her to start examining herself.
  • Within the confines of marriage, and without violating the marriage bed by bringing in a third party (whether physically or pornographically), I do not believe there is any act that takes place consensually between a husband and wife that would qualify as “sin”. My wife and I both have opinions that limit what we do in bed, but not as a matter of moral principle, but rather as a matter of physical preference.
  • There are occasional flashbacks to premarital days. This happens when I’m desperate for release and all I’m getting is mercy sex instead of making love.
  • as long as both are up for it, and it’s ONLY them, what could be sin? “Marriage is honorable in all and the bed undefiled”
  • God ordained marriage
  • My desire is for my wife and her desire is for me, but when she is wet from watching porn it is incredible!! It doesn’t happen as often as I would like maybe once every other month. My wife is pretty quiet and always has been. A deep conversation rarely occurs even after 30 years of marriage, when she is wet her body has spoken and it’s great! FYI: We have sex about twice a week. My rule is gentleman always let ladies climax first.
  • Difficult to know this for sure. On acts not specifically mentioned in the Bible, is it sin or not? Depends on who you choose to listen to.
  • Our actual acts are not sinful – since marriage we’ve only ever been with just each other. We’ve had what we both consider to be sinful thought lives (our pillow talk during sexual sessions) and we work hard now to avoid that.
  • I struggle with porn and masturbation. But that seems to be a different question than us together.
  • No
  • Does her having an affair count?
  • I think my wife feels that sex is sin. She allows me to have sex with her once a month after allot of begging. She does have an orgasm when we do so it’s not like it’s only for me. But it’s a rushed thing. She orgasms, then me then it’s over. No kissing, hugging, foreplay, nothing. One orgasm is all that’s allowed. No oral, yet she used to enjoy it when I gave her before we were married, she stopped oral on our honeymoon.
  • Sexless marriage
  • One time joint porn viewing, that’s about it…
  • Our marriage bed is extremely limited so there’s no sin
  • In a monogamous relationship what “act” that is mutually agreed upon and lovingly shared is a sin? Maybe anal play and or sex? My wife and I both have never had interest in partaking in those acts but who am I to judge what another monogamous, Christian couple desires are? I can think it is gross. I may question why, as glorious as the Lord has made a woman’s body, what other pleasures are needed? However, I am not the one to judge. I think the key is that all acts are mutually, and not pushed or forced by one spouse.
  • My spouse isn’t sure. I’m good with it. So, we don’t do it. In my opinion, if we stay away from including others in our sexual relationship, if we don’t intentionally hurt each other, if we don’t include porn or animals in our relationship, and if we are both ok with it, then we’re ok. The challenge comes with the “both ok” with it part. Different upbringing has us on different sides of opinion sometimes. However, I’m ok with the stuff that works for both of us.
  • My recurring use of pornography is sinful, but I do not do that with my wife and I try to keep that compartmentalized to limit the impact… I’m rationalizing, I know.
  • Sin is something specifically called out in the bible (adding another individual, pornography etc.), if both don’t feel wrong about it and one is not forcing the other to participate and there is not mental abuse or manipulation- enjoy!
  • We struggled with this Q early in our 48 year marriage. We now believe that anything to which we both consent that in no way involves a 3rd person(porn included) is fine.
  • Sexless marriage. No chance to sin in this area.
  • We both agree that it was one of the worst things that we did to our marriage. We haven’t recovered from it and not sure that we will.
  • I feel it’s sinful to deprive your spouse of sex. That’s the only thing.
  • Unless you count sexlessness, then there is definitely sin in our marriage bed.
  • There is stuff I would like to do but wife does not so we don’t.. 🙁
  • With the limited menu of activities allowed in our sex life by my wife, there is no chance of any of the activities being sinful. I also somehow suspect that many who might answer this question would say yes to things they simply feel or have been taught are sinful. Too bad there is no way to get objective answers with that.
  • I convinced myself and my wife that Porn was just acting, like any other Hollywood movie. Always felt guilty but justified myself by watching it with my wife, therefore making it more palatable. However, I would secretly view it privately. Thankfully, we stopped and I no longer view it.
  • Our sex life is loving and caring. We’re both willing to try things, but we’re honest about how we feel. There are some things she likes that I don’t and some things I like that she doesn’t. We don’t do them at all or we do them sacrificially because we love each other. I’m pretty sure that isn’t sin.
  • I’m curious to know what sex act’s you consider sinful so long as it is between consenting husband and wife.
  • My wife has multiple objections to me giving her cunnilingus. These range from health/wellness/cleanliness issues, thinking that it might be sinful and thinking that it is just gross. She refuses to give me fellatio. When I do give she always enjoys it but then feels guilty. We are working through it together.
  • We follow the basic rules 1. No one else is involved 2. No animals 3. No one gets hurt. We enjoy each other..
  • The marriage bed is undefiled. The important thing to remember is to never force anything on your spouse
  • Infrequent sex can lead to sin

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