User Rating:  / 15
PoorBest 

How Long Does GOOD sex take?

304 women and 390 men have answered
Take the Survey

 

how-long1 

  • The curves are similar, with men on the shorter time side.
  • Twenty-six percent of men and 19% of women said 20 minutes of less.
  • Forty-six percent of women and 42% of men said 20 to 40 minutes.
  • Fifty-nine percent of women and 55% of men said half an hour or more.

 

For women preferred duration went up with age, as shown below:

 

Under 25

25-34

35-44

45-54

30 minutes of less

86%

47%

35%

28%

30-40 minutes

23%

23%

23%

33%

40-50 minutes

17%

12%

15%

16%

50 minutes of more

3%

18%

26%

22%

 

For men age showed less effect on preferred duration, with the exception of the youngest group:

Men

Under 25

25-34

35-44

45-54

55 or older

30 minutes or less

87%

52%

43%

61%

69%

30-40 minutes

13%

20%

29%

22%

20%

40-50 minutes

0%

15%

16%

12%

18%

50 minutes or more

0%

14%

13%

26%

14%

 

Women’s Comments:

  • Good sex when as a couple you communicate your needs and desires to each other and make it a priority to fulfill each other's needs. It takes a bit longer as you get older since your body doesn't respond as fast as before so taking time to arouse each other is important.
  • Quickies are fun right before work only. The rest of the time I rarely orgasm unless I have time to get into it. Fifteen or twenty minutes is optimal for me....any longer and I'm exhausted!
  • We never have good sex so...
  • Actually, another 10 minutes or so would be nice, but my husband is usually fired up and ready to proceed a bit before I am.
  • This is the norm. This doesn't account for quickies - especially those with adequate mental stimulation prior to. Those encounters are usually in a frenzy & last 3-10 min (3 if one orgasm is enough for me, 10 if I want two)
  • This is actually more of a guesstimate, as most of our sex is unfortunately more of the "quickie" variety. Counting the years until the last kid moves out...
  • Depends on the time of the month for me as to how quickly I get aroused, sometimes we are a lot quicker!
  • I think I answered fairly accurately, but honestly, if there's any time limit or even awareness, that's often enough to shut me down. So I just try to not look at a clock at all.
  • We do lots of foreplay so that's what makes it last so long.
  • I think good sex is an "all-day" affair. I comply, but it's sometimes hard for me to instant be in the mood - in not a microwave. Pushing this button, then that button (sometimes literally), then rotating me when it's "halfway done" has NEVER been my idea of a good time. Slow-brew me. Greet, hug, and pray with me in the morning, text me throughout the day, show me some silliness in you - not just "I’m a man" type stuff, and speak wooingly to me-sincerely. THEN I'll seek to please, instead of seek to obligatorily comply.
  • A big factor for me in "good" sex is intimate, caring foreplay, which sometimes takes longer than the actual sex itself. If I'm led in well (or if I lead in well myself), then the sex will always be good.
  • Any more than an hour and it hurts but I need lots of foreplay time to have really good sex.
  • If there is good foreplay, the actual act of intercourse from penetration to orgasm is very quick.
  • I always feel rushed, like I'm not warming up fast enough, etc. and he's getting frustrated. Not sure we've ever had "good" sex and maybe that's a large part of the reason it takes so long. Only in the last 2 or 3 years (out of 37) has my husband begun to take the time and effort for prolonged foreplay enough to bring me to orgasm. I pray that at some point he realizes that his attitude contributed a lot to my lack of desire and participation (that it's not only about him, his climax, the timing (or lack of) that he needs, etc.) I would love to get to the point where I trust that he's not bored, not stressed or tired from having to 'work at it' so long, that I can relax, enjoy it and perhaps it won't take so long. It would be great to be able to have sex, feel you're desired for more than your parts, and come to climax in a timely fashion. As it is, often when I want sex I feel it's too much trouble (from beginning to end) to ask for and I feel he sometimes dreads it because of how long it takes. I'm all for a quickie now and then; we've certainly had plenty of those over the years. Would love to experience that 'oneness of spirit' that I assume comes with 'good sex.'
  • 15 to 20 works, a bit longer is often nicer!
  • This is directly related to my ability to have multiple orgasms - which has only been happening quite recently (within the past 3 months), and this only since I've had my kids - never before. Before, half an hour was more than plenty. Now, 3 times that long doesn't seem long enough.
  • I included setup and clean-up EXCEPT for my shower. My showers take forever, and I'd usually be doing it anyway. :)
  • My husband can last quite a while in bed but due to the newness of our sexual relationship it's easier if we have sex for shorter amounts of time, I'm curious to see if that will change as our sexual relationship progresses.
  • It doesn't SEEM like it's an hour and a half, but it nearly always is. It'd be interesting to be able to know what takes the time. Guess the only way to know would be to tape it and see. *smile*
  • There is some variation in the time required based on where I am in my cycle. At some times, minimal foreplay is necessary and in ready to go, while other times it is a very long process.
  • This is a guess. My husband and I have never had good sex. :(
  • At present my husband and I don't have sex but when I was sexually active well I do like a long, lasting time in the bed with my partner.
  • Good sex can happen on 20 minutes but I like it for more than an hour daily. Been married for 32 years to the best lover in the world.
  • It depends on the day, mood, and how ravenous we are for each other. Some days it may only take 5 minutes to have incredible sex, others can be 4 hour or all night long for amazing sex. Either way, whether short, long, or anything in between, intimacy plays a key role in how good the sex is. Length isn't a good determiner.
  • Although we can have amazing sex in 20-30 minutes, we both like to linger and enjoy each other more. It's not out of the ordinary that we go 45 minutes to an hour or more. It's mutual for us, and multiple orgasms are common for me.
  • Really is not about the time!!!
  • I don't think it's cast in stone! It's dependant on mood, circumstance, hormones etc., - sometimes an urgent 10 minutes is enough and at other times an hour isn't long enough!
  • Good sex is quality sex not quantity of sex.
  • If you have the time, longer is better.
  • Prolonged foreplay is essential in our sex life due to surgical procedures I've had. It takes much longer to get my body aroused. Also, being peri menopausal makes things much more difficult.
  • From the start of "okay, let's do this," to putting clothes back on, it's typically a 2 hour event. But, that is including foreplay as my husband won't engage me until heading to the bedroom.
  • The sooner it's over the better :)
  • We call it "sessions," "recreation," "playtime," or "entertainment."
  • My body reacts quickly. My drive is high, so I'm always ready and easy to please.
  • If only... Need more foreplay and variety!!
  • Really it varies... We've had AMAZING sex - foreplay & all - in less than 40-50 minutes. Also, had AMAZING sex in a much longer time frame...
  • It's hard to say because it all depends on how my body is responding on any given day, sometimes we've done 30 minutes and I was surprised it was only that long and other times we went over an hour and couldn't have rushed it any more than that.
  • 10-20 minutes of foreplay. 10-20 minutes of sex.
  • I'm currently pregnant, but despite the added hormones, and sensitivity, good sex still takes about but he same amount of time because connecting emotionally takes some time, and the more we connect emotionally the better the sex part is for me. I'm pretty sure it's better for hubby too because I'm more engaged and active in participation.

 

Men’s Comments:

  • For me it's all about the anticipation. The tease, the allure, the suggestive comments etc. The longer it lasts the better.
  • Very efficient wife and very good sex with 3 climaxes or more every time. Although more time is good sometimes.
  • I prefer to "take the scenic route" (45+ minutes) but due to my brides physical limitations, it is usually closer to 20 minutes. However, we can both be happy with 10-15, just not all the time.
  • Best sex for me is when we're both in a high state of arousal and are not feeling rushed -- either in "afternoon delight" situation, or in the middle of the night and take all night to just enjoy being together and being sexual together, including after orgasm during afterglow. I may be an unusual male from what I read, but I really, truly enjoy the afterglow phase with my wife almost as much as intercourse itself. I love feeling her satisfied softness next to me as we cuddle and even fall asleep together in total bliss. I feel like all is right with the world.
  • The question is too vague. Am I factoring in how long my wife typically takes, ideally how long she *should* take for it to be "good", how long does MY part take only, without factoring in how long my wife takes? I guessed and answered how long we take as a couple during a typical "good" session.
  • Depends on situation, urges, etc. - great sex can happen within a couple of minutes!
  • As long as the activity is going both ways!
  • I would prefer it to be the marathon love making sessions that were common when we were younger but they only seem to happen on vacations now. I love my wife and I can't help but want to be with her as long as possible. She understands but is not always inclined for it to be as lengthy a period. It has become an inside joke between us "if you want vacation sex you better get me early, I have to get up with the kids tomorrow. "
  • Q4 hard to answer. Because there's good sex and there's "good sex" .... you know what I mean!
  • It's less about time and more about being into. A 5 min quickie can be great sex
  • We don't have a good sexual life
  • It's all good. The longer the better. Old enough that quickies just aren't quick any more.
  • Got to get her warmed up! Takes time.
  • This depends on how much time we have for sex. The longer it lasts the better it is.
  • I think this is a big reason we don’t have more sex. On rare occasions moments of passion can be great but mostly it takes time to make it great.
  • Quickies are good too!
  • More often than not my wife is in the "Let’s just do it" mood... where it doesn’t matter if she goes but knows I want to. So 20-30 min is normal for the "quickies"... but I enjoy the longer sessions, but even they are usually only 45 min or so. Is there really such thing as "all night"... meaning even more than 90 min?
  • Both of us can get to orgasm quickly, but that doesn't mean it's a good orgasm. If we take our time and slow it down (slow for us, that is), then orgasm for both of us is incredible and we can even have simultaneous o's. If we take too long, then we both get tired and have more trouble getting there, so 20-30 minutes is our "sweet spot" (literally and metaphorically speaking). We might have done a few 30-40 minute sessions during our marriage, but with six kids, none of whom are yet out of the house, we're happy to consider 20-30 minutes a great session of slow but intense lovemaking.
  • Depends on the mood in all honesty. But majority of the 20-30 minutes is the magic number.
  • Honestly never really timed it. From foreplay to both of us satisfied I'm guess about 50 minutes.
  • We will defer rather than rush. She need slow......
  • There are soooo many variables. We can have great sex in 20 minutes or mediocre sex in an hour. but the awesome sex is in about an hours with her having multiples (age 56) and me even sometimes two (age 56). It doesn't happen often but when it does....WOW!!!! We make love 4-5 times a week, average time probably 30 minutes each time. Better now than ever!!! been married since age 18. No other partners for either.
  • It varies. There are times that good sex can happen during a very quick session and other times that sex can last a while but one of us isn't really into it. 10 - 15 min would be good average
  • I have always wanted to make love off and on for hours. My wife never wants more than a "one and done" a few times/week. She says she enjoys the closeness without an orgasm and only wants one 1 or 2 times/month. I feel cheated as I do not get my body caressed by her nor do I get to enjoy knowing she wants me to give her pleasure. I feel that I am "allowed" to have sex with her but rarely feel that we "made love".
  • We average almost exactly 20 minutes including foreplay and have a great sex life. An occasional quickie might take less, and rarely do we go longer - max this year has been 41 minutes. 99% of the time, without trying, we end up between 19 and 21 minutes without fail. One orgasm each and we're plenty satisfied. On average the actual intercourse lasts around 15 minutes.
  • I don’t think good sex can be determined by time but what quality intensity and level of intimacy
  • I wish it would last longer.
  • It depends on how long foreplay lasts, the actual deed is usually only 10-20 minutes including finishing her if it didn't already happen. However, good sex requires good foreplay and that can last 20-30 minutes or even longer depending on circumstances.
  • 20-30 mins when we're both mentally ready. And longer usually correlates to better in the 'more memorable' sense.
  • I really wanted 50 - 75! I have learned breathing and pacing to last that long. It takes my wife that long to be completely finished.
  • Though we can have good sex in 60 minutes, the longer the better. It takes some good time for my wife to get aroused. And I like to enjoy the experience longer when we can. Quickies can be good too, but I even like drawing the whole thing out for 2 our 3 hours when possible. Just holding my wife after orgasm takes 30 minutes to not feel rushed. I enjoy it when I give her oral and she slowly builds arousal over the course of an hour. More time doesn't bother me, it's a great together activity.
  • Even though I answered the first you did not leave this option as live in a sexless marriage
  • By good sex, I mean both of us having orgasm, with me having her come first - usually through oral or manual and then me finishing off.
  • Good sex would have no relation to time if she were interested...
  • Good sex is mostly foreplay, in my opinion.
  • I marked 20-30 minutes which is average and non-rushed, but once or twice a week we make love for close to an hour, and sometimes we can be done in 5 minutes (teens in the house).
  • My wife is amazingly sexual and is more like a man in some of her thinking. Only a few times of the month does she want prolonged foreplay, usually when she's ovulating. Otherwise she is ready to get it on with minimal foreplay. She loves the prolonged afterglow more than foreplay. On rare occasions we have sex lasting more than 30 minutes. I guess I'm pretty blessed! (Although personally I wouldn't mind a little more foreplay!) We're also very experimental and she's definitely willing to try new things. She is frequently multi-orgasmic, but she comes pretty easily. In the past we have both watched porn (now repented of and no longer continued) and she would find it very unrealistic that people would go at it as long as depicted.
  • Could even be shorter, but wife takes faaaaaaar too long to orgasm - when she does - so sex usually lasts much longer than that. The 10 to 15 minute is what I estimate would be good "for me". Naturally, sex is a two-handed activity.
  • We often use the time as best we can since we both work & have two teens in the house.
  • Only quickies available about every 3 to 4 weeks.
  • The actual sex doesn't necessarily take half an hour, but if we have less time than that I feel like it has to be a quickie.
  • Sexless marriage for over two years and never had good sex with my wife. Used past encounters with previous women to gauge.
  • This doesn't happen that often. Usually all over in around 20 mins.
  • Actual times may vary a lot while we still considered it good sex. But great sex takes easily an hour or more.
  • a fair amount of foreplay provides a lot of stamina for me and big-O for her 1, 2, 3 or more times... just sayin'
  • Good sex equals foreplay plus intercourse.
  • I prefer long love making time. Wife wants it over as quick as possible. We are working on comprise.
  • If she actually puts any effort into making it good, it's usually great.
  • Just guessing and averaging the time. Sometimes good last longer than other times.
  • It depends. We can have passionate sex in 20 minutes and its perfect, and we can do a complete evening taking hours... Most common is about an hour.
  • I think it would take between 45 minutes and an hour in general. Assuming that my ideals could be met. I'm very sex positive, so the longer the better in my opinion, but it takes two people in agreement to make this work.
  • Wait... I don't understand the Q! Define "Bad Sex"! There's Sex, and Better Sex.
  • We've had good sex in far less time, and will often spend far longer than that. But at least once a week we make a point of getting to bed an hour earlier than we need to in order to put in the time so we each can experience everything we want to without any rush.
  • With foreplay 30 to 40min without a lot of foreplay 10min
  • This is rather vague...
  • Wife rushes sex. Little to no foreplay. She has changed since her infidelity. No kissing, hugging, or touching. Just sex.
  • My wife and I occasionally resort to a "quickie" if we don't have a lot of time, but it's rarely as satisfying as a good hour spent alone together.
  • Including foreplay
  • This includes foreplay
  • We often go longer when we have unlimited time. The longer the better!
  • If she doesn't feel like coming, it only takes 15-20 minutes. But I'm always willing to pleasure her as long as it takes, with joy. It's always get decision.
  • Sex is always GOOD ( well, almost always! )
  • If my wife liked quickies it could be quicker, but she doesn't, so when we do spend time together, we need to take our time to make it worthwhile.
  • It's always good, but it gets really good when it's longer than 30 minutes. Beyond that, the longer, the better.
  • This is the minimum time for sex to not feel rushed. If she is wanting for it to be over quicker than the same time frame can feel rushed.
  • Kind of a hard question to answer because it can vary from day to day. Sometimes, short and sweet is really good. Other days, an hour makes for enjoyable sex. I think a "balanced diet" works best for us; sometimes we need shorter, but other times it is important to have long, drawn out times of lovemaking.

CMBA

Christian Marriage Bloggers Association

  

Support TMB

razoo-red

Want to Talk?

message-boards

Come join us on the TMB forum. A safe place for Christians to talk about sex.