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Faking Orgasm

86 women and 221 men have answered

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  • 24% of men and 44% of women have faked at least one orgasm with their spouse.
  • Women age 45-54 were less likely to have faked – 35% versus about 50% for other age groups. Is the a result of relatively few respondents, or something about those who came of age in the 70’s.
  • Men age 45-54 were the most likely to have faked orgasm, at 31%. Men 55 and over were the least likely at 20%.
  • How serious a woman is about her faith had no effect on her likelihood of having faked.
  • For men being more serious about faith significantly reduced the chance of having faked, with 50% of the least religious, 34% of the moderately religious, and 21% of the most religious.

 

The next questions were only asked of those who have faked orgasm.

© surveymonkey.com

  • 91% of men and 55% of women have not faked or have done so only once or twice in the last six months.
  • 2% of men and 19% of women faked orgasm at least half the time.
  • Among men greater age meant more faking. Low number of female respondents didn’t allow for seeing an age trend.

Why Women Fake:

  • 27% To end sex/Getting frustrated/Know orgasm won’t happen
  • 27% His feelings
  • 13% To make it better for him
  • 10% Can’t Orgasm
  • 10% Worried how I would look if I really climaxed
  • 10% Husband asked me to
  • 10% To keep hubby interested in sex
  • 3% So he won’t get upset My Orgasm is Important to him

 

Why Men Fake:

  • 24% I was not going to be able to climax that time
  • 17% Got tired
  • 9% I had climaxed earlier but didn’t want her to know
  • 9% Taking too long to climax
  • 9% She wanted it to be over
  • 9% Her feelings
  • 9% Taking too long to climax
  • 7% So she would think she satisfies me
  • 7% She had climaxed
  • 7% It was bad sex
  • 4% She gets upset if I don’t climax
  • 4% Too embarrassed to not climax
  • 2% Relational problems made climax impossible
  • 2% Not feeling well
  • 2% Porn has made it difficult to orgasm with my wife
  • 2% So we could have sex again sooner than if I really climaxed
  • 2% I had recently masturbated
  • 2% To arouse my wife
  • 2% To see if she could tell

 

The next questions were only asked of everyone.

 

© surveymonkey.com



  • Admitting to faking is rare – only 3% of wives and 7% of husbands had been told their of faking by their spouse.
  • 27% of husbands and 12% of wives suspect their spouse has faked orgasm.
  • Only 23% of husbands and 36% of wives are sure their spouse has never faked it.

 

Women’s Comments:

  • I faked with guys before marriage, but never within marriage. The trust and authenticity I have with my husband makes it seem silly to fake an orgasm; it would break down what we've built.
  • We are very honest about how things go in bed. Sometimes I just don't orgasm no matter how hard he tries. It doesn't happen very often but when it does, I tell him I'm not going to orgasm and we move on. We can still have great fun in bed. We both prefer to be honest rather than pretend something happened that really didn't.
  • There have been times when I was tempted to fake it, because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. But I never have, I just tell him that though everything feels good, it isn't happening. Then we continue our lovemaking. Orgasm has always been difficult for me, so this has been an issue often, but faking it wouldn't help the situation at all. Honesty lets us work together to improve things.
  • I don't understand faking an orgasm... If you don't want to have sex, don't, It is always an option.
  • Thankfully, we have a relationship in which neither of us have been tempted to do this.
  • IMHO you can’t fake something you haven't experienced. Years ago I was questioned/accused of faking during a prior encounter. That was absurd to me as, up to that point and many years afterward I had never had an orgasm. When I finally did start to, why the heck would I want to fake that?!?
  • I think that men think that women do more than we do. Not all orgasms are fireworks and a huge deal. Some are different than others. Only a woman knows if she did or not - and sometimes, she doesn't know. If she says that she did, believe her. She probably did. If not, you have bigger problems than no orgasms if your wife's a liar.
  • I never used to fake it. But lately, he has been in a rush, and if I don't have an orgasm he gets upset. Sometimes he gets angry. He says he's not angry with me, but it sure feels that way. Just one more way I'm not good enough.
  • I don't have them, I never have had them, it doesn't matter to me - I still enjoy sex. But my husband's late wife had a lot of them and I know he compares.
  • I don't fake orgasms, but often hubby reads my pleasure cues incorrectly and assumes I have orgasmed.
  • If you fake it one time, then you might have to again. Forget that crazy cycle. Enjoy each others' company without expectation.
  • Faking orgasm seems to me to be dishonest, in a very basic way that would be detrimental to the trust we want in our marriage. There have been times when it would have been easier, and I considered it, but not for long. I don't want deceit of any kind in our marriage - anywhere. I'm a terrible liar anyway, and I have done enough junk that I need to repent of and try to repair. Faking orgasm just seems like a HUGE mess to try to repair. not worth it. smarter to just say, "it's not going to happen for me right now, let me just enjoy you" or "let's bring out the big guns, (vibrator) my body just isn't cooperating, I'm out of energy or getting sore, but I'm really wanting." When we're wearing out, I've been close a dozen times but just can't get there. Kind Authenticity is the best path for us. When we get off that path, in any arena of our marriage - we're creating greater and unnecessary hardship for our marriage. The only way I see faking orgasm as a positive, would be if you say something about it, you get to the point where you realize it's not going to happen and you say to your hubby, "I can't get there, and I'm okay enjoying what I can, but when you go, just for fun, I'm going to fake a really awesome one!" That could actually be pretty fun. We might try that some time.
  • I don't think a husband could fake it. I mean it's pretty obvious when he ejaculates.
  • In my first marriage I faked orgasms fairly often.
  • I haven't ever faked an orgasm, but I have faked intensity. I did it only to not put my husband down. He wasn't in a good place, and he needed to know he could satisy me by his terms, which meant loud. This doesn't happen often, maybe once a year.
  • In my opinion, faking is one of the biggest insults a person can give their spouse. In addition to being downright insulting, it fixes nothing. To me, faking (or the desire to) indicates underlying problems in the marriage and sex lives of the couple, and it makes more sense to deal with those head-on than to avoid them by acting like they don't exist. My husband agrees, which is why I answered that I was sure he has never faked with me. We've always tried to discuss sex openly and honestly, even when there have been problems.

 

Men’s Comments:

  • It would have been very early on in our marriage when we both had unrealistic expectations of what our sex life should be like. We've gotten past those since then and she has no problem asking for one and I have no problem doing what it takes to give her one but I don't expect it from her if the things just aren't "working out".
  • Well, she doesn't like it if I ask, but I can usually feel the contractions. If she's faking, she's really good.
  • She has difficulty achieving orgasm, but I don't think that she has never faked one for my ego or whatever. Although I try to give her an orgasm first before mine, if she feels that she is not going to have one after an extended period of play then she will just tell me to go ahead and do what I need to for mine.
  • Honestly, I'm not sure that my wife has ever orgasmed.
  • She has not obviously faked and she has assured me that is the case.
  • "Don't ask, don't tell" ----it does not matter to me if she has.
  • Her loss if/when she does
  • I know she has but she's not good at it....there's a big difference.
  • She's never faked an orgasm, but I think she once faked interest in Star Wars, but that may have been because we were dating and she wanted to impress me.
  • Why fake it when you can have the real thing???? :)
  • There's always evidence of a man's orgasm. How can he fake one?
  • When she isn't into it or when sex with her is really bad, I have faked it & finished off on my own.
  • We try to abridge this sexual area by communicating after sexual interludes to provide each other feedback for future/ongoing sexual experiences.... Hope that makes some sense ??
  • Now I must be clear here, my wife is very clear and lets me know if she is just "making noise" because she is enjoying me making love to her. She told me long ago that I satisfy her so well when she needs it (her words), that she is happy to just let me make love to her when she may be too tired to orgasm. She also said the noise is not to be fake, but is a sound of pleasure from our mutual love. She will more often than not say after we are just lying entangled together she was pleasantly surprised to have an orgasm though she felt too tired that night. She is capable of several orgasms in a 15-30 minute time-frame almost every time we have sex, and I am happy to give until she says "your turn"!
  • I've had a couple times where I just couldn't pop (age, stress, timing, etc. I don’t know why?). We don't use condoms, so kinda difficult to fake. Just admitted and talked it out. Was usually better and actually easier to cope with & less stressful than trying to fake. Honesty trumps every time.
  • In the first year of our marriage, my wife faked an orgasm. A few weeks later when we were discussing our intimacy, I shared, that as much as I desired her to orgasm, I did not want her to fake it. She has honored that request over the past 19 years. On the nights that she is not interested in orgasming (which is rare for her not to want to orgasm), she will let me know.
  • My wife has told me that she has never faked an orgasm. I believe her.
  • I am not sure I can fake one as a man. The physical evidence is pretty clear. I don't think my wife has but I am not certain usually she is pretty straightforward about it if things just aren't working for her.
  • In the beginning of our marriage, there was a few times, but we talked about it and decided that it wasn't necessary, I'd rather get honest feedback. I only get honest feedback now, and it's helped me know what works and what doesn't, and how to progress for her.
  • I have tried to lengthen mine as sometimes I have PE. Or it just happens quickly. Sometime ejaculation is out of synch with orgasm My wife thinks more than a minute of PiV is weird This is one of my favorite parts and want it to continue. I wish orgasm happened after 3 min of PiV or longer (she doesn't) - and no it is not a vaginal discomfort . All to say I'll keep going and "fake" that I'm not done to maintain the connection and intimacy (even if there is no longer high physical pleasure). Wife is usually disruptive as she'll ask "did you go?" That pretty much ends it.
  • She doesn't fake but she's never had an orgasm either. 14 years of marriage and she says "most women don't." Zero interest in trying. Everything tickles, and she just gives me duty sex.
  • I don't have any real frame of reference other than my wife. I don't think she has, but I also am not confident of that assertion. It seems to me that the facial flushing and body convulsing would be harder to fake than the noises and faces and breathing. Then again, maybe I'm wrong.
  • Wife orgasms only with external vibrator stimulation. Never has during intercourse or oral stimulation. So, I can't imagine why she would fake an orgasm with a vibrator.
  • Orgasm is via oral sex so it would be difficult to fake it as I know the signs when my wife climaxes.
  • We've talked about it. Never have either of us. Consider it lying to fake it.

She faked because it's hard

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