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Define not enough and too much

157 women and 347 men have answered
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© surveymonkey.com

  • Both extremes had very few votes.
  • Thirty-five percent of women and 38% of men say less than three times a week is not enough sex.
  • Forty-four percent of women and 48% of men say less than once a week is too little.
  • Only 8% of women and 5% of men are okay with sex less than once a week.
  • For men age did not change things much. Less than once a week was the top choice for all ages except those under 25. Less than three times a week was the second most common answer for the same age groups. In the 55 and older group less than once a week was twice as common as less than three times a week. For the other age groups the two were much closer.
  • For women age increased the lower limit, with less than once a week becoming less common while less than three and less than five times a week became more common.

define-2

  • No one felt sex more than once a month was too much.
  • Three percent of women and no men more than once a week was too much.
  • Eighty-four percent of women and 87% of men seem to be okay with sex 4-5 times a week.
  • Thirty-eight percent of women and 35% of men are okay with sex 8-10 times a week.
  • Men showed a steady drop with age on this one.

Age

Okay with 5 times a week

Under 25

100%

25-34

75%

35-44

62%

45-54

57%

55+

34%

    • Women showed a drop, then an increase:

Age

Okay with 5 times a week

Under 25

78%

25-34

67%

35-44

59%

45-54

77%

55+

100%

 

Women’s Comments:

  • Would never put a cap on the amount of sex. Life typically sets limitations.
  • But I've been forced into a sexless marriage so what I think does not matter. We're nearing a year & 1/2 now since the last time. Used to be once every 7-8 months or so, but no more.
  • I put more than 13 times for too much sex but in reality, I can't imagine any ever being too much.
  • This is hard because it all depends on what perspective you are answering it from.... pure physical need or what you know your marriage needs. I answered from pure physical need.
  • I'm pregnant and constantly exhausted, so the frequency I indicated is significantly less than it would have been a few months ago.
  • Love being intimate with my husband. No sex is too much :)
  • All I know is that the older I have gotten, the more I want to have sex with my husband. Sex has gotten better over the years, and I truly feel like I can't get enough sometimes :-)
  • I marked more than 13 times on #5, but I don't really feel there's ever "too much sex". Just my opinion.
  • I don't think you can have sex too often. :) I'd be really excited about sex daily or twice a day! But minimum 3 times a week is good for me :)
  • I answered " more than 13 times a week, but I only did so in order to complete this survey and comment! You did not make an option for "there is no such thing as too often when it comes to sex"! I mean 13 times a week is our highest number?!? That's not even close to my ideal! 13 times a maybe, but certainly not 13 times a week!
  • The answers would change if one of us is sick.
  • It can depend on hormone fluctuations through the cycle, as well as stressful times. But even when I don't feel like it once I get into it it's wonderful.
  • My drive is so much more than my husband. He usually controls the amount although I usually have the desire almost every day. Hope it doesn't fizzle anymore as we age
  • Love my husband and we enjoy a great sex life, we sometimes have ebbs and flows, where 1 may want more than the other, but we're typically compatible.
  • Once a week is good for me!
  • This was a hard survey to answer because for me, a woman, really good sex once a week (with a strong focus on me and my pleasure) is FAR better than 7x a week just for him sex.
  • How come there is not an answer of It's never too often for sex?? I had to choose one, but I don't think there is a too often for us!
  • I've found we both act better and handle day-to-day stress better when we have sex *at least* 3 times a week. I've never experienced "too much" sex as of yet.
  • I'm at the point in my life/marriage, that I want sex more than my husband. I would love it at least once a day, but have to settle for every few days. A few years ago the roles were reversed.
  • There is no "too often"!
  • My husband and I have gone 3 months before and he has not noticed. Very painful to be married to a man who has such a low drive.
  • The too much or too little seems to change with the seasons of our life. When we were empty nesters every day or more was the norm. Now that we suddenly have 4 children in our home 2 - 4 times a week seems to be the norm. What is important is to be available to each other.
  • This varies depending on my status. As a pregnant mom I find myself wanting less than once a day but more than twice a week but when I'm not pregnant I'm all up for daily sex, sometimes more.

Men’s Comments:

  • I'm using "sex" loosely, here, to include everything from masturbating with her next to me, touching me and giving me hot talk, to full-on intercourse. We probably have intercourse three-to-five times a week, and that's great for us with neither feeling deprived.
  • If both of us had boundless energy I'd love to step it up a few more notches.
  • I assumed an answer for No 5, as I've never been at a place where I thought "no more this week, please"- twice a week is probably the most we've had (and that only a few times) and I was willing to have another go, though pleased with what I got!
  • I don't really believe there is too much if you define sex broadly, but for intercourse, there can be limits. Intercourse takes time, a certain amount of stamina and frankly, sometimes I want to do something else such as spend time with the Lord, go on some new adventure, or spend time with my kids. Life, and marriage are both about more than just sex. To enjoy other aspects of each, you need to leave the bedroom once in a while. That said, daily sex feels just about right, although again that involves defining sex as more than just intercourse.
  • There must be lots of foreplay
  • Since it feels to me like most of our sex is "duty (by her) sex", I don't want "duty sex" more than 2 or 3 times per week but "desired (by her) sex" would have a much higher limit. I think.....????
  • Every other day would be perfect.
  • I responded that less than 3X/week is too little for me but too be honest I see it as three separate levels. Once a week is "starvation mode", below that I am a wreck emotionally (We spent our first 9 years together at much less than this). At 3-4X/week, I feel loved and content but still not growing. This is functional, kind of like a 2,000 calorie/day diet, it works to maintain but not much else. When we are able to hit 5+ times/week I feel fulfilled and I am best able to grow as a person, a Christian, and a husband. I would love to be able to make love twice a day, even occasionally, but that is not possible, yet. We have come much closer together in the past 3 years but still have a life time of improving. I will note that the "10 Day Challenge" was just that, a challenge. I was difficult physically for my bride but also difficult for both of us schedule wise. We have enjoyed it a lot and learned even more each time though. Among other things it showed my wife that daily sex could be a wonderful reality for us someday and that I really do become less concerned with sex the more I get it. I love that woman.
  • Slowing down in my urge/desire/ability as I am getting older - tuning in more now to the emotional and spiritual side of it - actually am OK w/ less frequency and more intimacy. I am shocked! and pleased. frequency is not the issue but the depth and wonder of it all is now.
  • I've never found a too often. We are stuck in a 3 times in 2 weeks pattern, she just doesn't care or want it any more than that and is happy to let little things get in the way of more frequent sex. So I've stopped try and try to be happy that I get any intimacy with her at all. I feel bad but almost look forward to our 30s when she will be wanting it more and I will have stopped caring.
  • The clock doesn't just reset after one or two instances of "duty sex" interspersed amongst sporadic and inconsistent spans of sexlessness ranging from a week to several months. Excluding time of the month, the after childbirth recovery period, and some bouts of illness, there is no reason to regularly go more than a few days to a week without. There really is no "too much", as the high drove spouse, it gets tiring always initiating or doing all the "work", especially when frequently rejected or received with little to no passion/enthusiasm.
  • Can you get too much sex?
  • Not just sex. Contact in general.
  • On question 4 I would really say less than 2 times a week.
  • I only put an answer on #5 because there was no way to choose not to. Otherwise I'd say there's no such thing.
  • I could handle nearly every day, but l probably not too much more. Would certainly be fun to try and find out!
  • We are currently at 1-2 per month. Even once a week would be too few for me; not sure there is a too much, but I chose more than 13 because it was the most.
  • I've never reached the too often point, so I just selected the 13+ times option. Haven't ever experienced daily, except when TTC.
  • Actually, I am not quite sure how much is too much. I have never felt full or when my next sex-meal will be so cannot relax as am in constant state of deprivation.
  • I've never had more than I want or can handle.
  • I dunno if I should answer this, since my wife's definition of "enough" is once every two weeks - or less.
  • The only time I've ever had more than I was able to keep up with was on our honeymoon 9 years ago. The longest stint without was just over 1 year and 3 months. During the course of our marriage we've had 2 instances of greater than 1 year or more without. I'd love to know what a regular sex life would be like for me and her.
  • Really varies with other activities & health status.
  • Would have probably selected "less than once every two weeks" if it were available.
  • I would love to have the problem of more sex than I can handle!
  • This is actually irrelevant because we only have sex twice a year. My wife is a gatekeeper.
  • We've discovered that 2-3 times a week seems to be optimal for our relationship. I think that I want more, but realistically 3 times is what I actually need/can handle to be satisfied.
  • I'm not sure there is such a thing as to much, as long as our body parts hold out and my Viagra supply doesn't run out.
  • Number 5 is a guess. I've never had more than I can handle so that is hard to say. But in reality, if the quality is higher, the quantity is less relevant. Not irrelevant mind you, just less relevant.
  • We have sex 3 times a week which I think is awesome. It is great to have a wife that like to fulfill my needs and loves to take care of me. We love each other very much!!!!!!!!!
  • I enjoy taking these polls, but I'm not really sure why, and I don't know if you'll be able to think of new polls every week for the next three years so I can get into the next "How long have you been married category?". That would be exciting. Well, not as exciting as sex, of course. :)
  • Every week is different. In fact if we had sex as often in the way I'd like, I'm guessing that after a while my max would come down.
  • #5 is difficult to answer because I've never experienced "more than I want or could handle" in my marriage. Right now, I imagine more than once a day might be too much...but, I wish I had that problem, rather than the "not enough" problem.
  • We have increased sex 25+% in 2014, but it was from 1.2x per week to 1.6x per week on average. But I really want about 2x per week. I will say our variety and quality are very good.
  • Can I try the thirteen times per week before I say it's too much?
  • Can we have a survey of what actually happens. Once in over 3 years!
  • We have a 'once a week' agreement but I am constantly reminding her it’s been a week.
  • We've never gone even close to as high as my max number chosen, so I can't tell you if it would be too much or not, but it sure would be fun to find out!!
  • More than three less than 5. This is based on my current schedule. I love intimacy with my wife but I value the quality of it. To sacrifice too much of the rest of my life and my wife's can make us resent sex especially if we don't have enough energy or desire
  • I want more than 13 times per week. You should add some more options to the survey.
  • There have been a few times in our marriage when she about wore me out. More than about 4-5 times a week and I would be worn out I think, but while I admit I would have a difficult time keeping up I don't think I would be telling her no. But those times seem to be far in the past. We are down to less than once a month now.
  • The more I get the more I want!
  • I would love to have sex daily but never have had that frequently.
  • Not sure there is such a thing as too much. Never had that.
  • I would be happy with an average of weekly with an occasionally nice "spike" in frequency... It would make the occasional "lull" more acceptable..
  • I would probably be very satisfied up to about 14 times per 7 day week. Twice a day would be very good. That's my upper ceiling in terms of what would be very good. Less than 3 times a week would be the lower level to what would be "adequate". It wouldn't kill me but it would be bearable.
  • For me, it is all about quality. I would much rather have one exquisite time of intimacy instead of three quickies. But my wife keeps reminding me that I am not like most guys! LOL!
  • My mind would love sex more than 7 times a week, but my body most likely wouldn't cooperate
  • I am probably more in the middle of less than once and three times per week. Three or more keeps my satisfied so two would be not enough. More than once a day would seem excessive and I think that I would need a break (That is not going to happen so why worry). The other piece here is how one defines sex. I can get a quickie and satisfy my urges but I often need more connection with my beautiful bride to be fully satisfied physically, emotionally and spiritually. So seven quickies a week would not satisfy completely but three beautiful lovemaking sessions a week would be enough for me.
  • Wife and I did the 10-day challenge last Feb 5-14 and although we made it, did find it difficult. Hope to try it again; always up for a challenge...

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