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Are Sex Toys Okay?

129 women and 401 men have answered
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toys-ok-1

  • Seventy-two percent of men and 65% of women have no reservations about Christians using sex toys.
  • Eighteen percent of men and 21% of women think sex toys can be used in certain situations or if the couple is careful.
  • Four percent of men and 12% of women find sex toy use by Christians somewhere from unwise to wrong.
  • For women the “perfectly acceptable:” answer varied somewhat by how serious the women was about her faith. From least to most serious the rate was 100%, 86%, 71% and 62%. Most of the movement was to “unsure” or “some situations” answers.
  • For men perfectly acceptable from least to most serious about their faith was 50%, 91%, 60% and 75%. Most of the movement was to “Okay if you’re careful”.
  • For women age had an odd effect. Women age 45-54 were most accepting of sex toy use (82% said perfectly acceptable), while women 55 and over were the least (46% said perfectly acceptable).
  • For men age affected answers only a bit, with the oldest men were most likely to say toys were perfectly acceptable.

© surveymonkey.com

  • Twenty-two percent of men and 25% of women say they have never used sex toys in their marriage.
  • Nine percent of men and 6% of women say they used sex toys in the past, but do not now.
  • Nine percent of both men and women say they use sex toys most or all of the time they have sex with their spouse.
  • Sixteen percent of men and 14% of women use sex toys much of the time.
  • Forty-three percent of men and 47% of women say they use sex toys occasionally.
  • Sex toy use was higher for both men and women aged 35-54 than for those older or younger.

© surveymonkey.com

Those who no longer use sex toys were asked why:

  • Eighteen percent of the men and 13% of the women are now in sexless marriages.
  • Forty-three percent of the men and 63% of the women said there is no specific reason.
  • Eleven present of men, but none of the women, said toys are no longer needed.
  • Forty-two percent of men and 13% of women said their spouse didn’t like the toys.
  • Other reasons: One wife was too shy to push for it. One husband said his wife almost never wants to use them, while another man said his wife has lost interest in sex.

© surveymonkey.com

  • Seventy-two percent of women and 66% of men say they use sex toys because they enjoy them.
  • Forty-four percent of both men and women said sex toys make sex more enjoyable for her.
  • Twenty-eight percent of women and 24% of men said sex toys make sex more enjoyable for him.
  • Many couples use sex toys to help with issues such as fast climax, erectile difficulty, female arousal, or female orgasm.

© surveymonkey.com

  • Among those who use sex toys, none feel the toys greatly interfere with intimacy.
  • Twenty percent of women and 15% of men feel toys sometimes interfere with intimacy a bit.
  • Sixty-four percent of men and 56% of women say sex toys don’t interfere with intimacy at all.
  • Twenty-four percent of women and 22% of men said toys improve intimacy.

Women’s Comments:

  • My husband always looks for new toys some turn out to be great, he enjoys using them on me and gets turned on when I use them on myself.
  • I feel it is ok
  • It’s the only way I can climax being with my husband.
  • Not having sex, not by my choice, and my husband wants a divorce but is there moving out. I am waiting on God. It’s a tough wait.
  • We use sex toys when we don’t have the time to takes thing slow and bring me to orgasm or at certain times in my cycle when my orgasms are more difficult to come by (no pun intended) 😉
  • Neither of us are morally opposed, but we are only recently married and waited until marriage to have sex. I assume we will try toys at some point, but have not yet.
  • I believe the use of “sex toys” are only okay in a relationship if both parties agree to use them.
  • I answered “never have, neither of us want to” because there was no option for “never have, but we are both curious”
  • It takes me a long time to orgasm without a toy or sometimes not at all. So I almost always use a small vibrator during sex, especially when on a time limit.
  • We enjoy bringing each other pleasure. Our toys help us do that and help us enable each other to climax more easily.
  • We very, very rarely use toys. We used them more during the first year postpartum when orgasm was difficult or impossible, but mostly it has been to add variety, and mostly of interest for him even though they are for me. So far they don’t do much for me and the orgasm I have from them is weak and disappointing. My favorite toy was a bullet vibrator we could use *during* sex to help with arousal postpartum. Orgasm during sex is the most satisfying to me, so toys fall flat. But hubby likes to spice things up so I try to keep an open mind! My best friend wanted desperately to try a toy because her husband has PE ever since his porn addiction pre-marriage. He has been porn-free for several years but the PE hasn’t changed. He was very offended when she first asked about trying a toy and took it very personally. But the fact is she WAS unsatisfied. It took a year or two but she was finally able to convince him. He was uncomfortable at first that it was going to replace him, but now he actually enjoys it because she is a VERY happy camper! And he gets a lot of pleasure from being able to finally give her more pleasure. So in this case I think this is an example where toys were risky and stepped on his toes a bit but it was his own insecurities holding him back, and in the end it was a great addition to their sex lives because of physical limitations.
  • What could be more intimate then participating in orgasms with your spouse. Toys add variety and frequency to the orgasms we share. And we get to learn so much about ourselves and each other with the aid of toys.
  • When I say sex toys don’t interfere with intimacy, I’m speaking only for myself and my husband. They’re not something we use a lot, but they add some nice variety when we want it. I know they have to be used wisely, but it saddens me what a sensitive subject this can be with Christians. Thanks for talking about it openly.
  • I think sex toys have the potential to interfere with intimacy, just as they have the potential to improve it. The impact for any given couple depends on how and why they are used.
  • My husband and I use sex toys often. It has improved not only our sex life, but also our communication. We are more open with each other in and out of bedroom. Your sex life is one place where it’s ok to venture into new things, keep things fresh, and add spice. As long as you use toys together and not forsake your partner for a toy, then I say go for it.
  • We’ve tried several varieties of toys, usually at my husband’s urging, but they’ve almost always been unpleasantly stimulating (that is, provide so much stimulation it’s uncomfortable and does not help sex) to me.
  • We have used toys in our marriage for several years. We do not use them each and every time but we do use them. We have found it helps me reach climax sooner especially if I am tired but want too. My husband sometimes climaxes before I can and it helps me either finish or get there before or when he does.
  • If it weren’t for a vibrator in our sex life, I would never have had a single orgasm WITH MY HUSBAND IN THE ROOM. It’s currently the only way I can climax, but we’re working on oral stimulation. Not there yet, but so grateful for vibrators so I can actually share the experience of an orgasm with my husband. He loves it and it really tore down a major intimacy wall when I knew he was ok with me using one. I was sexually abused, so there was a lot of shame around using a vibrator at all. Thankfully I don’t struggle with that anymore, but I can’t imagine how hurt I would have been if he judged me for needing that “safe” stimulation that I controlled.
  • I’ve been married 5 months and my husband is amazing, so we haven’t needed or used anything. I don’t think they’re wrong or bad, they’re just not something we need. It’s like you said–any tool can be used for good or bad. It’s what’s in our hearts that matters.
  • I use an ordinary “rabbit” and get my orgasm within five minutes. After that it’s time for my husband to take me hard and sometimes I get my second orgasm. When I’m alone, I use my new Womanizer.
  • Love, love toys with my husband, we’ve been, married 25 years and have honestly used them more in the past 5 years and it has wonderfully energized our sex lives…monotony is voodoo in the bedroom!
  • We used one once. We were both excited to use it but after that my husband wasn’t interested anymore. Not sure why.
  • I love the feel of my husband and he does a great job pleasuring me. While we’ve joked about using them, it’s never something we’ve pursued. I’m not totally against them, especially when needed, but as long as you’re both enjoying sex and able to climax I don’t think it’s the best of ideas to start or depend on them.
  • In a marriage, I believe sex toys are just fine when both spouses are comfortable with them.
  • I think toys are a great way to add a bit of spice to the bedroom. My husband & I do not see a toy as a replacement but more as a tool. We mainly use our toys during foreplay. I am on a lot of medications that deadens my sexual response. PTSD, depression, anxiety, and perimenopause can put a big damper on anything intimate in any marriage.
  • Having a toy helps when my husband has a lower sex drive bc he is fine using a toy to help me if I’m ready to go again & he’s not. We don’t use a toy unless we are using it together.
  • If it ain’t broken don’t fix it!! I don’t see the need for them in our sex life and am afraid we’d end up depending on them.
  • My husband is very provincial when it comes to sex. I have been trying to find ways to spice up our sex, but I am tired of being the only one who tries. He seems fine with the status quo and only two positions… mostly in the dark.
  • Sex toys are okay when used together as a married couple. We have a rule that they are not to be a replacement for each other.
  • Bedroom accessories are great at helping couple enjoy each other. Women are complex individuals and sex toys can help reach those hard to reach places. They are a great way to spice things up with your partner. We don’t use them as replacements of each other, but rather to help improve our intimate lives.

Men’s Comments:

  • We’ve never actually even talked about using them, I would love to explore many types. Maybe one day sweet wife will be ok to at least entertain the possibility of them.
  • This is sad to me. I regret that DW is not open to this at all. I cannot get a good read on the why…… 🙁
  • When I found out my wife liked using sex toys I was excited and made our sex even more awesome!
  • It’s the only way I can bring my wife to orgasm. Until we tried a toy, I’d never given her one (and not for lack of trying). We don’t use it every time, as sometimes we prefer the greater intimacy of just us, even though it means no climax for her.
  • I have never asked my spouse, nor she me, about the use of such things in our marriage. I just sense that she would find most of sex toys distasteful or even disgusting. But I have often thought that the careful use of a vibrator or penile ring for me could help me with performance issues that have had a dampening effect on our intimacy in general. I guess I need to find a way to have the courage to bring it up and see.
  • Vibrators are sex toys. Candles are sex toys. Mood lighting is a sex toy. Lingerie is a sex toy. Clean sheets are a sex toy. Perfume is a sex toy. Music is a sex toy. These are all external and they all enhance intimacy.
  • I wonder sometimes if the use of toys would take away from the purity of sex the way God designed it. My wife and I have enjoyed a very satisfying sex life for almost 25 years, thanks in part to a good beginning because of caring adult “counselors” (a minister I was close to and a mom and grandma for her) that gave us very real advise and expectations for the first few days together. We had kissed but no touching in any way sexually, through the clothes nor under. We were raised to save those things for marriage.
  • The Womenizer is a great toy for my wife to use to orgasm.
  • Nothing is wrong in the marriage bedroom between the two of you, as long as you both agree.
  • Boy, do I wish. But after 34 years of difficulty sex-wise, and getting screamed at for buying a vibrator…..
  • Not sure why this is even a discussion anymore. As long as it’s you and your wife, it’s fine. As long as you both agree. I think toys are amoral. As long as your conscience is clear, have at it!
  • Use as an enhancement, not as a replacement is an important concept here I think. That is the big reason my wife does not like the idea, she says she prefers the real thing. I think she would really enjoy “the real thing +” but she doesn’t want to try. Not a big deal, and I don’t push, but I do dislike the idea of missing out on something that could really enhance my ability to bring her pleasure.
  • Seldom use sex toys but we are adding more kinds of toys and perhaps increasing the frequency.
  • Using a sex toys as part of our marriage bed has single handedly changed our sex life for the better. Our only regret is we didn’t start sooner in our marriage.
  • We use a small vibe, generally only when we don’t have much time and she wants an orgasm. We tried some other toys, too, but nothing that we’ve decided to keep.
  • My wife turned 50 llast year and after many years of me asking her to try them she reluctantly did. I bought her 3 different ones all high quality because I wanted her trial to be successful. Only through prayer was she ok to try. I had bought toys b4 for her and she just wasn’t interested. She confided in me that she never masturbated b4 which I couldn’t believe at first. I encouraged her to try them out alone and to her credit she did but they just didn’t work and just added to her frustration. We then tried all 3 together and the smallest of the very powerful toys to our surprise made her have a powerful orgasm. That was over 2 years ago now and we use it often and when she does it almost always takes her to orgasm. The sex toys for us have enhanced our relationship.
  • Rarely (3-4 times a year) when I finger her, she will use a dildo as she likes the feeling of being penetrated with the head. The dildo we have is very smooth and I just got her a Tantus Flurry with pronounced ridges. It was going to be a Valentine’s surprise, but she saw it in the Amazon order history, so we may get to try it sooner. 🙂 She hasn’t enjoyed a vibrator much. We’ve used it maybe five times in 9 years. She knows that adding toys increases my arousal because I love when she makes effort to increase her pleasure. She’s sometimes overly content and is satisfied with routine or basic sex. She’s not one to push herself and try new things in bed or elsewhere.
  • She doesn’t orgasm very often at all. Toys help it happen. It’s more fun without but sometimes you have to take what you can. Also, sometimes they are just fun.
  • We have some and have used them but they haven’t been all that “effective” or added much to the festivities. They are cool as an occasional “something completely different” but I would not go so far as to call them marital aids for us.
  • Wife has chronic pain issues, most sexual relations on hold until pain is managed enough to resume. I believe items to improve our experiences (if both are accepting) are fine. Open communication is critical.
  • For me personally I think or rather believe its bringing in something to the marriage bed which I do not see as being honourable. Am not married yet and this is my stance & the girl I am seeing has the same notion regarding that.
  • I could see sex toys as a way for my wife to slowly re-enter our sex life if she is reluctant to allow intercourse but allow me using a dildo on her. I would bet after some practice (if I can call it that) she’d go to the next level. In the meantime I use sex toys, but only in connection in thinking about her. That to me is God allowing me to get through sexual refusal, but remain faithful to my wife in my sexual fantasies.
  • We almost always use toys. It’s usually a vibrating ring that I wear and often a condom with desensitizing gel. It helps because she usually takes longer to climax than I do, so this balances things out.
  • So thankful as a senior for their invention and availability. We need to guard against obsessing over them, but properly used they can bless any marriage. It’s a very big topic but the author covered the objections extremely well.
  • We need to use more because she has been have difficulty went intercourse and her doctor said this would help before sex. But she doesn’t want to try because she thinks everything should just magically happen with no effort. And when things don’t work she doesn’t know what’s wrong. When I tell her we need to work on see just gives me a comment of she will work on it. And she does nothing to we have bad sex again. And cycle repeats.
  • Toys have helped us maintain intimacy into our 7th decade!
  • All things are good, but not all things are beneficiary… Nothing has been created that has not been created through Jesus!!! God’s gift of SEX is incredible!!!!!! Keep your Heart pure before him, in this area of life honor him, and he will guide you correctly…
  • The response choices for Q7 “Do you think sex toys interfere with intimacy?” are not all mutually exclusive. I chose “Not at all”, because I feel they can improve intimacy, which was the last response, and I couldn’t select more than one. Those two response choices should have been combined into one.
  • Maybe is because we have not explore to these sites we don’t even think about it.
  • I’m the higher drive and would like to experiment with toys a bit…More so with something that will enhance her experience and orgasm. Unfortunately she isn’t very open to the idea. I have a history with porn addiction (been working on now for a while), and am afraid if I took the initiative to buy something, it would only backfire in a negative way with her.
  • It prolongs my fore play with her.
  • I find them quite enjoyable. She was raised to believe they were evil and “Not how God intended”. She lets me use them and occasionally she will even use them on me but she wants nothing to do with them on her.
  • I think toys are very key to couple’s intimacy. I’m still working out if toys are okay on an individual usage while married.
  • We don’t have intercourse anymore. Painful for her and she won’t get checked out. She hates giving me oral and won’t let me give oral to her. Her arm gets tired too quickly giving me manual for me to climax. Using toys on each other is all there is left (if it happens at all). At least I have toys around to use by myself…
  • I do not have a problem with using sex toys as long as it does not become the main way to have sex together…. We need to be connected together the way God intended it to be to have the most intimate satisfaction.
  • I’d like to try them out but not sure if my wife is ready or willing.
  • We have used a variety of sex toys for years. It is probably the reason my wife has multiple orgasms (usually 3 minimum) when we play/have sex. We use vibrators, dildos, and in the last few months at my wife’s request (twice) restraints.
  • My wife and I occasionally use sex toys as a way to have fun and do something different but they have never taken the place of real sex or intimacy between us. If you are careful and communicate openly, I believe they can be a healthy thing as long as both people are in agreement with using them.
  • We mostly use toys for her to Orgasm, as she has never had an Orgasm from sex alone, oral yes but not penetrative. Also when she is tire or on her period and wants an “easy” way to make me feel special she will use a sleeve. Our only restriction is that they must be either amorphous or of an unnatural color, I.E. the sleeve may not look like another woman’s body part and her vibrators may not look like a man’s, however if they are bright blue or pink or clear then they are acceptable to us.
  • We have a very healthy and happy sex life. We use toys sometimes just because we can. They don’t take the place of each other, and we have boundaries. Many times people fear the unknown. Try them, if they don’t work, don’t use them. But if they do, man enjoy it.
  • Sex toys are perfectly acceptable when used in the confines of marriage. With anything of this nature, communication is key. If both of you are comfortable with this practice, then it can be a great addition to your intimacy.
  • We started to use a vibrator about 2 years ago and using this has helped my wife get more excited for sex. She can get to orgasm without as much effort as in the past.
  • I’ve spent a lot of money on toys over the years but my wife doesn’t like the typical options and hates vibration. We finally found one she likes and it’s helped to increase her enjoyment of sex and the percentage of instances where she climaxes has gone way up! I have never been intimidated or threatened by toys and view them as pleasure tools. I think a lot of Christian couples struggle with this topic because of repressive religious ideas or one partner feels they are “replacing” their spouse. Immaturity and sexual suppression hold so many couples back.
  • I believe the love a couple has and how they express it to each other in the bedroom is perfectly fine.
  • While we are not “All In” on the use of toys my DF and I enjoy using a vibrator once in a while. It helps here to climax more quickly and to climax during intercourse.
  • Vibrator (bullet shape and the like, never penis shaped) on her and very rarely. Worked better in the past than now. We never used anything on me. She is 51 and not yet in menopause, but climaxing has been getting harder and rarer for her. Yet she doesn’t seem to care. Sex is always much better when she is into it. As I said, when we first began using it she climaxed fast and good. Nowadays nothing seems to work. ??
  • We have never used toys. I’ve brought it up a few times not out of some great desire but out of curiosity. My wife is not interested as she is happy with our sex life and doesn’t really want to experience something that I can’t give her myself. I’m not upset by that response. 🙂
  • My wife and I are very careful to make sure that any toys we bring into our sex life don’t reach the point where they replace it, or worse, are required for us to enjoy each other.
  • The biggest fear is attachment to the toys and that one may end up preparing them over their spouse.
  • We don’t use realistic looking ones. I consider them like lube: sometimes you want/need them, sometimes you don’t. We don’t use toys a lot but we have a couple. Maybe once every couple months to change things up a little bit.
  • It is up to the individual couple. We have a couple of them, used on occasion, and we usually only turn to them when I want to treat my wife, do something that is all about her, different from our usual activities. They can be fun and really fit into the category of “toys”. They aren’t a replacement or a substitute, but can be a way to change things up together in a fun, intimate way!

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