Survey Says …

sex survey © Sue Harper | Dreamstime.com

Who doesn’t enjoy a survey about sex? These surveys are not representative of the population as a whole, or even of Christians as a whole; however, some of the results are instructive. The surveys were originally posted on facebook with links in from Twitter. The audience taking these surveys are primarily Christian, married, and “sex positive”. The surveys are all still active, and we will update results from time to time.

Note: On 10/19/2012 all stats on this page were updated, and several new surveys were added. We need more women to take our Multiple Orgasm Survey.

Are you having "enough" sex?

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163 women and 282 men have answered

39% of men and 23 % of women are having "way less" than they would like.
20% of men and 25% of women are having somewhat less than they would like.
8% of men and 11% of women are having a bit less than they want.
24% of men and 21% of women say it's about right or perfect.
No men are having more than they would like, while 11% of women are (so women are more likely to do it for their spouse, men just refuse!)
10% of the men and 9% of the women are in a sexless marriage against their will. None are in a sexless marriage and happy about it. So, those who don't want sex don't read here - what a surprise!

Wives and oral sex

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307 Women have answered

Highlights below - fuller information can be found here.

When she is giving:

The majority of women say they like to performing oral sex on their husband. 50% said they enjoy it because he does. 40% really like it and get turned on doing it, and 16% say they love it and it drives them wild to do it.
The biggest problem was ejaculation, with just over a quarter saying they like it except for that part.

When she is receiving:

36% like how excited their husband gets by doing it on them.
35% like receiving as foreplay, but would rather finish with intercourse.
Many women are uptight about their genitals - 25% are only open to it if they just showered, 17% can’t understand why he is willing to do it, 8% say they feel gross when he does it and 6% will only accept oral sex in the dark.
18% said oral on them was their favourite sex act.

Husbands and oral sex

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759 Men have answered

Highlights here - fuller information can be found here.

When he is giving:

80% of men ENJOY how a woman’s genitals taste and smell - 45% of men love the smell/taste, and another 35% like it. Only 4% said they dislike the smell/taste.
68% of men say doing it turns them on. Less than 2% said they do it but don’t like it.
14% want to try, but are told no.

When he is receiving:

40% want it more often.
61% who are fine with her not swallowing -31% don’t care if she swallows or not, and 27% would like it but it’s not important to them, and 4% don’t want her to swallow.
14% say that her not doing it is a minor problem for their sex life, while 5% say it’s a major problem.

Why do women say no to sex?

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267 Women have answered

Highlights here - fuller information can be found here.

More than two thirds of the women said they say no because they are too tired, and half said they say no because it’s late or they have to get up early.
45% say no because they have not connected emotionally.
32% of women say no due to stress.
A third of women have said no because of recent rudeness on the part of their husband.
One woman in five said they have said no because of physical pain.
Almost one in five said they say no because they do not like how they look.
18% say no because there is never enough foreplay
17% say no because they feel it's all he wants them for.

Why do men say no to sex?

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105 Men have answered

Highlights here - full information can be found here.

51% say no because they are just too tired. 35% because it will cut into their sleep.
31% say no due to stress.
22% say no due to lack of emotional connection (there goes a stereotype!)
19% say no because their wife has been rude to them recently.
18% say no due to concerns about premature ejaculation or erectile problems.
13% have said no because they had masturbated recently

Masturbation and the married man

Added Oct 2012 Take the survey
770 Men have answered

86% have masturbated in the last three months
Of those who masturbate, only 14% says their wife knows they do it, and how often they do it. 18% say their wife has no idea they masturbate, while 20% say their wife may suspect. Half say they do it more often than their wife thinks.
Of those who do, frequency looks like this:
16% - Once a month
23% - 2-3 times a month
26% - 4-6 times a month
17% - 7-14 times a month
10% - 15-22 times a month
5% - 23-31 times a month
3% - more than 31 times a month
Top reasons for masturbating were
52% - Said their drive was higher, and they did not want to bother their wife.
43% - Use masturbation to relieve stress
35% - Do it because their wife says no often.
28% - Use masturbation as a sleep aid
27% - Do it to keep from being mad at their wife when she says no.
Porn was only a reason for 13% of men.
19% just ike to do it, even when there is plenty of sex with their wife.
Half of those doing it don't feel it's wrong, while 16% think it is sin and wish they could stop. More than a quarter think it's wrong they have to - she should be doing more. Just under a quarter think it is wrong only because they are not honest about it with their wife.

Masturbation and the married woman

Added Oct 2012 Take the survey
227 Women have answered

72% have masturbated in the last three months.
Among those who do, one in five says their husband is fully aware, while one in four says he has no idea.A third say he knows, but they do it more often than he thinks.
Of those who do, frequency looks like this:
22% - Once a month
33% - 2-3 times a month
25% - 4-6 times a month
10% - 7-14 times a month
6% - 15-22 times a month
6% - 23-31 times a month
1% - more than 31 times a month
The top female reasons for masturbation:
42% Do it when they have sex and he leaves her unsatisfied.
35% Use masturbation to relieve stress.
32% Do it to help them get to sleep.
24% Do it because their drive is higher and they don't want to bother their husband.
21% Masturbate because their husband refuses them often.
26% Do it to increase their drive to have sex.
21% Have done it to learn about their body
24% Just enjoy doing it, even when they have plenty of sex with their husband.

Foreplay

Added Oct 2012 Take the survey
49 Women have answered

Foreplay lasts 1-5 minutes for a quarter of women, and 6-10 minutes for another quarter. One in five says 11-15 minutes, and about 10% for each 16-20 minutes and 21-25 minutes.
When asked how long they would like foreplay to last, the numbers pointed to longer times. Only 6% wanted less than six minutes. 18% were okay with 6-10 minutes, 27% wanted 11-15 minutes, 25 % wanted 16-20 minutes, and 25% wanted more than 20 minutes.
Still, 42% found the amonut of foreplay good, and 35% said it was short but okay. 12% said it was not enough, while 10% said it ran a bit too long.
When asked what detracted from foreplay:
47% Said he goes for their genitals too fast.
44% Would like more kissing throughout foreplay, instead of just at first
44% Would like more cuddling.
40% Want more nonsexual touch before he goes for their breasts.
33% Want more kissing.
12% Say he is to rough with their breasts.
12% Say the bedroom is too cold.
16% Say distractions are a problem.

Afterplay

Added May 2013 Take the survey
168 Women have answered

It seems most women find afterplay lacking. Half said there was none or not nearly enough, and only fifteen percent gave their husband high marks. In the comments 3% indicated they have no need for afterplay, and seven percent say they are the one who falls asleep, so for a minority of women a lack of afterplay is not an issue.

Question: Ladies, when sex is "over" how does your husband do at afterplay?

25% He does pretty well
17% No afterplay
15% He does very well
14% What afterplay, he falls asleep right away.
13% Some, but not enough or not good enough
7% I fall asleep right away.

Physical intimacy is the most desired afterplay - seven in ten women want to cuddle or snuggle, half want to fall asleep in his arms and almost a quarter want to kiss. Communication was also important to many, but the form desired varied a great deal. Affirmation of some sort was mentioned by about half the women. One in five wants mildly sexual touching and the same number would like another orgasm. (There was some overlap in these two – one third who want mildly sexual touching also want another orgasm, while two thirds do not.)

Question: What do you most want right after sex? (Choose up to three)

71% Cuddle/snuggle
51% To go to sleep in his arms
34% Words of love
22% Kissing
21% Affirmation in general
19% Mildly sexual fondling
19% Another orgasm
19% Affirmation about sex
13% Him telling me how good the sex was
10% Small talk
8% Deep conversation
6% A snack
4% Discussing sex

Question: Which of the following do you NOT want after sex? (Pick all that apply)

The top answer, him leaving the room, was not on the original survey – it was added because it was noted in the other section by two of the first five who took the survey. With two thirds of the women choosing this, it is clearly a big no-no to make love and run! Among the other answers we see that more women are opposed to sexual foundling after sex than want it - 26% versus 19%. The two most common answers in the “other” section were him falling asleep immediately, and getting onto his phone or computer.

66% Him leaving the room
41% A snack
35% Deep conversation
26% Mildly sexual fondling
19% Discussing sex
18% Another orgasm
18% Small talk
8% Him telling me how good the sex was
7% Affirmation about sex
6% Affirmation in general
6% Kissing
5% To go to sleep in his arms
3% Words of love
3% Cuddle/snuggle

Sex Positions

Added Oct 2012 Take the survey
548 Men and women have answered

Number of positions uses in the last few months
1 - 9%
2 - 16%
3 - 24%
4 - 18%
5 - 13%
6 or more - 18%
What she most likes:
Missionary/Man on top - 53% great, 33% good
Woman on top - 48% great, 28% good
Rear entry/doggy - 38% great, 26% good
Seated, facing - 24% great, 31% good
Spoons (side by side not facing) - 17% great, 28% good
Woman on back, husband at right angle - 17% great, 21% good
What he most likes:
Woman on top, facing - 60% great, 32% good
Rear entry/doggy - 57% great, 23% good
Missionary/Man on top - 33% great, 44% good
Woman on top, facing away - 30% great, 24% good
Seated, facing 25% great, 30% good
Rear entry, standing - 24% great, 21% good
Spoons (side by side not facing) - 18% great, 30% good
Woman on back, husband at right angle - 18% great, 22% good

Did you have sex before the wedding?

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270 Men and women have answered

51% went all the way before the wedding, while 17% did not go beyond kissing.
A quarter engaged in manual sex with climax for both, and 9% did the same with only one climaxing.
Oral sex with both climaxing occurred in 18% of the couples, and oral with only one climaxing in 9%.
Anal sex was fairly rare at 5%
Of those who had intercourse, 45% wish they had not, while 30% are glad they did, 11% say their premarital intercourse has caused some problems after marriage, and 12% say it's caused a lot of problems.
55% wish they had done less, while only 8% wish they had done more.

The clear message to those who are not yet married is that premarital sex is a gamble with the odds stacked against you.

Sex during menstruation

We had an unusually high response rate to this survey. Apparently, this is something people either feel strongly about or have questions about.

The 497 men and woman gave these answers for what they do:

33% Have no sex at all.
36% Have sex, but only at the very end when it is mostly over.
17% Report no changes or limits compared to the rest of the month.
15% Avoid intercourse, but do other things for each other.
7% Masturbate together.
23% Engage in manual or oral for him, but nothing for her.

Half a dozen mentioned having sex in the shower, and about as many said they use something like the Instead softcup during intercourse.

The 296 women reported the following reasons or any limits:

59% because she does not like the mess
45% because he does not like the mess
15% sighted pain or discomfort
13% said they have no sex drive during their period
4% said they think it is morally wrong
5% said their husband thinks it is morally wrong

The 201 men gave similar answers to reasons for limits:

52% because he does not like the mess
50% because she does not like the mess
19% said she has pain or discomfort
8% think she is using it as an excuse to say no
8% said they think it is morally wrong
4% said their wife thinks it is morally wrong

It is interesting that men are more likely than women to see sex during menstruation as wrong.

As to solo masturbation during her period:

27% of the women sometimes masturbate during their period. Half say their husband knows, half say he does not. The women who masturbated were more likely than the whole to have said sex is limited because of his concerns over the mess or moral issues. This was especially true for the women who masturbate secretly.
28% of men masturbate because of sexual limits during their wife’s period. Half say she knows, half say she does not.

Note: Several questions did not give a does not apply answer, sorry about that!

Have you seen the clitoris?

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234 Men and 169 women have answered

This was a quick little survey in honour of the first International Clitoris Awareness Week. The results were pleasantly surprising – you folks are a long way from the uptight, sex in the dark, kind of people many envision when they think of Christian couples!

Of the 169 women who answered, only 10% have never used a mirror to look at their genitals. Twenty percent have looked, but not closely, while 70% have had a good look at themselves. While there was not much difference by age, younger women were LESS likely to have done this. For those under 26 only 67% had taken a good look, while for women over 55, 100% had.

For those who have not looked, the most common reason was embarrassment, followed by fear of being “grossed out” and being taught, “nice girls don’t do that”.

Of the 234 men who answered, 90% have had a good long, well-lighted look at their wife’s vulva. Eight percent have had a peek but not a good look, while 2% have never had even a peek.

Age had very little impact on this, but younger men were slightly more likely to have had a good look.

As for why they have not had a good look, most men would like to, but have not been “allowed”. Only one man indicated he had no interest.

Too tired for sex?

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96 men and 103 women have answered

No big surprises on this one. A lot of folks are having less sex due to tiredness, and tiredness limits sexual interest more for women than men. While 79% of women said tiredness limits their sex life “somewhat” to “very much” only 40% of men say the same.

One interesting finding is that men rate their wife’s tiredness as more of a sexual limit than the women rate their own tiredness – 30% of women say it limits their sex life “a good deal”, while 38% of men say their wife’s tiredness limits sex “a good deal”. Only 18% of the women say tiredness limits their sex life “very much”, but 36% of the men say their wife’s tiredness limits their sex life very much.

Women’s answers:

How often is tiredness part of why you say no to sex?

Never part of the reason. 6%
Occasionally part of the reason. 21%
Part of the reason about half the time. 9%
Often part of the reason. 23%
Almost always part of the reason. 15%
Always part of the reason. 8%
I never say no. 16%

How significantly does tiredness limit your sex life?

Not at all 3%
Very minor 17%
Somewhat 31%
A good deal 30%
Very much 18%

Men’s answers:

How often is tiredness part of why you avoid sex?

Never part of the reason. 23%
Occasionally part of the reason. 25%
Part of the reason about half the time. 11%
Often part of the reason. 9%
Almost always part of the reason. 7%
Always part of the reason. 1%
I never avoid sex. 21%

How significantly does your tiredness limit your sex life?

Not at all         25%
Very minor      35%
Somewhat       24%
A good deal 11%
Very much 6%

How significantly do you think your wife's tiredness limit your sex life?

Not at all 0%
Very minor 9%
Somewhat 17%
A good deal 37%
Very much 36%

Sex Toy Survey

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162 Women 225 Men have answered

Most couples have used sex toys. About 40% use them occasionally, while roughly a quarter use them most to all the time.

27% of the men and 32% of the women have never used sex toys in their marriage.
8% of the men and 9% of the women have used sex toys in the past, but not now.
40% of the men and 41% of the women occasionally use sex toys with their spouse.
17% of the men and 12% of the women use sex toys much of the time.
8% of the men and 7% of the women use sex toys during love making all or almost all the time.

Reasons for no longer using sex toys:

15% of women and 24% of men are no longer having sex.
39% of women and 12% of men said the toys didn’t do anything for them.
23% of women and no men don’t feel right about using them.
15% of women and 35% of men said their spouse did not feel right about using them.

What do couples use?

The most tried toy is a vibrating bullet or egg, used by 74% of couples.
Vibrating dildo was second most tried, used by 70% of couples.
Cock rings have been tried by 43% of couples.
Vibrating cock rings have been used by 45% of couples.
Non-vibrating didoes have been tried by 38%.
Male masturbators have been used by 28%.
Heavy duty vibratos have been used by 25%.
Butt plugs and Ben-Wa Balls were about 20% each.
Nipple clips have been tried by 15%.
Penis sleeves have been used by 7%.
Penis and vulva pumps have been used by 2% and half a percent respectively.

What do couples most enjoy using?

Egg and bullet vibes were the clear winner here, with 20% saying they are great, 1% good, and 12% okay. Men and women rated these about the same.
Vibrating dildos were rated great by 17%, good by 17%, and okay by 12%. Women rated them great 50% more often than men did.
G-spot vibes got 14% great, 10% good, and 3% okay. Women were twice as likely to rate them good compared to men.
Heavy duty vibrators were rated great by 8%, good by 4% and okay by 2%. Men said great at three times the number of women.
Vibrating cock rings were rated great by 7%, good by 6% and okay by 14%. Women were 11% great, while men were only 5%.
Cock rings got great from 6%, good from 6% and okay from 12%. Women chose good and great twice as often as men, with men choosing okay at twice the rate of women.
Male masturbators were more popular with men than women – 7% of men but no women rated them as great. 6% of both men and women said good, while 9% of men and 6% of women said okay.
No other toys got “great” ratings over 4%.

What didn’t they like?

8% of men did not like cock rings.
8% of women did not like vibrating cock rings.
4% of women did not like non-vibrating dildos.
4% of women did not like Ben-Wa balls.
No other item we listed was “not liked” by more than 3%.

One thought that showed up several times in the comments, from those who do use sex toys, was they should be used to enhance intimacy with couples, not replace it. used to enhance intimacy with couples, not replace it. “used to enhance intimacy with couples, not replace it.”

Saying yes, and getting into it

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227 women answering

Ladies - ever do it for him and end up having a great time?

Five percent admitted they only say “yes” when they want sex, and another 9% rarely say yes when they do not want sex. Another 3% say yes when they don’t want sex, but have never “gotten into it” once they start. However, the vast majority of women find they do sometimes get into it when they did not feel like sex.

9% said, I get into after we start about 25% of the time.
18% said, I get into after we start about 50% of the time.
17% said, I get into after we start about 75% of the time.
31% said, I get into after we start more than 75% of the time.

That means about half who say yes when they do not feel like sex have 50/50 or better odds of getting into it, enjoying it, and being glad they said yes.

Even more encouraging, 37% said, “Some of the best sex I've had was when I didn't feel I wanted it.”

The final question gives an interesting insight into women’s sexuality. A quarter of the women said “

When he knows it's for him, I can relax and that makes sex easier and/or better for me.”